


The Evolution of Ignis Scientia

by LazuliAlekto



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty Ignis, Anxiety Attacks, Body Dysmorphia, Body Image, Episode Ignis Verse 2, Evolving Tags, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Puberty, Slow Burn, mentions of bullying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:33:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 46,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23981626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazuliAlekto/pseuds/LazuliAlekto
Summary: An exploration of Ignis' developing feelings from small child to adult, and how he reacts to it all.
Relationships: Noctis Lucis Caelum/Ignis Scientia
Comments: 164
Kudos: 380





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fiala123](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiala123/gifts).



> This is going to be very slowly updated, but I wanted to keep myself accountable. I received the prompt for this quite a while ago now, and I do have several chapters written as well as a clear idea of where I am going with it, but I won't be updating at anything like the usual timeline. In essence the prompt asked for an Ignis that grew up feeling very insecure about himself and despite the fact that those around him see him being so much more, he's still the scared little boy inside, but had learned to hide it.  
> All the tags will be updated as I go along, but there will be smut at some point in the future (this IS me we're talking about here) And the title may change, at the moment, it was the only thing that suited.

Ignis Scientia didn’t remember the first time he ever saw Noctis, but his mother did and took great delight in telling everyone she met in later years that her baby boy had cooed at the TV screen when a segment came on announcing the presentation to the public of the newest Prince of Lucis. She would tell them how Ignis had wobbled over to the TV and placed his chubby little hands on the screen, trying to touch the baby Prince.

Several months later, Ignis was taken to the Citadel by his mother and father to meet the young Prince, along with all the other noble families. When the Scientias stood before King Regis, Queen Aulea and the little Prince, Ignis’ eyes had brightened on seeing the tiny boy, reaching out when the Queen knelt before him to show him. He giggled and stroked Noctis’ cheek, smiling at the Queen when she asked if he thought the young Prince might be his playmate when he was old enough. Ignis had nodded enthusiastically, almost bouncing on the spot.

The third time Ignis saw Noctis he had vague memories of. The kind that were blurred by age and fuzzy around the edges, echoing sounds and wavering images. One thing stood out though, and that was four year old Ignis tugging on his father’s coat, asking quietly ‘please, Papa, why is that little boy so sad?’. Noctis was bundled in his own father’s arms, sobbing for his mother, while Regis stared blankly at her coffin.

It was about two and a half years after Queen Aulea’s funeral that Ignis was again taken to the Citadel to meet the Prince. His father holding his hand, whispering to him in reassuring tones, stroking his mousy brown hair. Ignis stared up at his father, blinking through his new glasses, taking in details around him that had been fuzzy around the edges before. The frames of his glasses were thick black plastic, making his face seem smaller, his eyes bigger. 

He hated them.

School was awful without them. He’d felt stupid when he couldn’t read things that others obviously could and the other children called him dumb. He didn’t think he was dumb, not really, but children can be cruel, and cruel they were. Especially when he turned up with glasses perched on his nose.

School was worse now.

He could see, yes, but now the children had a whole new reason to pick on him.

They already had plenty to work with. His clothes were always very proper, but more appropriate for an older gentleman. Little pressed shirts, a knitted vest, not t-shirts in bright colours or with something cute on the front. Pants, not jeans or shorts like the other boys. Proper leather shoes, not sneakers or sandals. And now that he could see, he was flying through his lessons, which brought down the ire of the others upon his head. Teacher’s Pet. Smarty Pants. Know-it-all. Four eyes. Dorky, dork Ignis. Ugly Ignis. Boring Ignis.

One of the bigger boys in his class liked to push him down, make his clothes dirty, would try to take his glasses. Delighted in making him cry.

He learned very quickly not to cry in front of the others. He shoved away his emotions, chewed on his nails in anxiety, hid himself in a corner when it was time to play. None of the others wanted to play with him anyway, so he would eat his lunch alone, looking longingly at the others as they ran about playing games. Now that he could see he wouldn’t drop the balls so much, but they still didn’t ask him to join in. The only thing he was good at was learning, so he threw himself into that.

His teacher tried to help him, but only succeeded in making it worse, the others resenting him for the attention he got.

So while he was excited to see Prince Noctis, he was also very nervous. Would the Prince think he was boring and silly like the other children? Would he make fun of his glasses? Of his clothes? Would the Prince even _want_ to play with him? He liked puzzles, but would Prince Noctis? Puzzles he could do on his own, a small smile crossing his face when he found a piece that fit and the picture came together.

His father knelt beside him when they reached a really big set of doors, smoothing a hand over his hair and tugging at his vest, smiling at him softly.

“It’s alright, Ignis,” his father said. His tone was warm and soothing and Ignis relaxed a little. “King Regis told me that Prince Noctis is excited to meet you. He’s a little shy, like you, so don’t worry if he doesn’t say much. He likes stars, just like you. Do you remember what his name means?”

Ignis thought for a moment, then nodded, “night light in the sky.” He bit his lip, “like a star.”

“That’s right,” his father praised.

“Do…do I need to bow, father?”

Father chuckled, smoothing over his hair again, “no, no need for that. But you could shake his hand, if you like.” His father held out his hand, “would you like to show me how you would do it?”

Ignis nodded, his hair flopping in his eyes, sticking his own hand out and felt it encased in his father’s much larger one. He gripped firmly like he had been shown and pumped it up and down once.

“That was perfect, Ignis.” His father stood again and knocked on the door. Uncle Stupeo was the one to open it and usher them in, gifting Ignis with a smile. Uncle Stupeo wore glasses too which made Ignis feel better.

The first thing Ignis noticed was that the room was _big_. Really big. Their footsteps sounded loud as they walked to where there were a lot of stairs. Uncle Stupeo led them up until they reached the top. There was a massive chair sitting there, right at the top. _Throne_ was what his father had said it was called and it was King Regis’ special seat. It was black and gold and had a bright red seat. The King stood beside it, smiling down at Ignis gently.

Ignis didn’t see Prince Noctis. 

Not until Regis knelt down to his level. The Prince was staring at his feet, black hair falling in a curtain around his face

The King greeted his father and Ignis, speaking to them with a kind voice, then he stood again, reaching out to bring Noctis forward. The younger boy peeked up at Ignis through his hair, with big blue eyes. Ignis stuck his hand out like his father had told him was alright. Noctis looked at his hand for a moment then put his own out, a smile making his face shine, his other hand coming up to cover Ignis’.

It made Ignis feel warm.

Noctis was fun. And he didn’t tease Ignis about his clothes or glasses. In fact he was a bit fascinated by them. When they had been ushered into a smaller room, Prince Noctis had bit his lip and pointed to them, Ignis stiffening, waiting for him to start making fun of him, call him names.

“Do they help you see better,” Noctis said quietly. “Mister Stupeo wears them so he can see better.”

Ignis nodded eagerly, “yes. I couldn’t see so well before, everything was fuzzy.”

“Cool,” Noctis pronounced with all the solemnity a child of his age could muster, then grabbed Ignis by the hand and led him to a corner where a pile of toys sat haphazardly. “I gots blocks. Do you wanna build somethin’ with me?”

“Yes please,” Ignis answered, sitting with his legs crossed like his teacher made them at school. They started sorting through the blocks, Noctis chattering beside him about the cat that had had kittens a few weeks before.

“They’re so tiny and furry. Uncle Clarus says she can’t stay, but Dad said I might be able to keep one of the kittens when they’re old enough.” Noctis peered at him, little frown on his face, “one of them had eyes same colour as yours. And you gots freckles.”

Ignis flushed at the close scrutiny, “oh…yes.”

“They’re like cons…con…stel…lations. Constellations. That’s what the shapes made by stars are called. My Dad said so.” He grinned at Ignis. “I like that you gots stars on your face.”

“I…thank you.” Ignis ducked his head, grinning wide. Noctis liked his freckles. “I like stars too.”

“Hey, maybe we can go out and see ‘em together. That’d be so cool.”

Ignis was stunned. “I’d like that.”

They built towers and knocked them down, then Noctis produced a puzzle. Ignis was delighted, eagerly turning all the pieces over and studying the picture on the box. He showed Noctis how to sort the bits, finding the ones with flat sides to make the edges first.

Noctis clapped his hands, “yay, that’s great, Ignis. Now we can fill in the middle.”

Ignis giggled. He was happy.

They chattered away as they made the puzzle. It was pretty easy, with big pieces. 

“Do you go to school? With other kids?” Noctis asked.

Ignis stilled, frowning. He nodded slowly, pushing his glasses up his nose, “yes, I do,” he said quietly. This was the one topic he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about, but the _Prince_ had asked him and it would be rude to ignore the question.

Noctis tilted his head, “do you like it?”

Ignis ducked his head, “I like learning new things.” He didn’t want to admit that was the only thing about school that he did like. He wanted Noctis to like him. “There are lots of books.”

“I don’t go to school,” Noctis said sadly. “I have a tutor who teaches me stuff. I don’t gots any friends.”

Oh. Ignis looked at the Prince, “I don’t either,” he confessed. “No-one likes me,” he whispered.

“That’s silly. They should like you, you’re cool and nice, Ignis.” Noctis shuffled closer on his knees, “would you like to be friends with me? Be my friend?” He grinned when Ignis nodded. “We can do lots of cool stuff and have sleepovers, and see the stars, and play with my kitten when I get her.” He warmed to the idea, “and I can show all the places I hide. No-one’d find us. And we can play chase and all _sorts_ of fun stuff.” He leaned close, “and there’s all these secret places I can show you. There’s even doors that don’t look like doors.”

Ignis eyes widened, “oh…what do they look like?”

“Some of them are big shelves with lots of books, but they’re not heavy, you just have to pull out the right book and boom,” he said excitedly, splaying his little fingers wide in an imitation of an explosion. “Then the door opens.”

Ignis giggled at the idea of secret doors hidden behind books. That sounded incredibly fun.

When he was eventually taken home by his father, Ignis just couldn’t keep quiet, wriggling in his seat as he told all about Noctis, and the kittens, and how they had played together. He had a friend for the very first time. He didn’t see the relieved smile on his father’s face.


	2. Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was ready so I decided to post it, the next will likely take a bit longer.  
> We have the beginnings of Ignis' issues being explored in this chapter, so a little warning on that.  
> It's one of the things I have tagged, so it's not a great surprise and not too graphic, but just bear it in mind.

It was years since Ignis had felt so lonely.

School had become more tolerable, even if the other children sought his attention because he was friends with the Prince. The teasing had lessened somewhat as a result. Possibly because their parents had impressed upon them that if they were mean to Ignis, Noctis might find out, and if Noctis knew then he might tell his father.

But they still looked at him warily, sneering behind hands when he answered a question.

_Smarty Pants Ignis._

Noctis was in Tenebrae. King Regis had taken him there to see the Oracle in hopes that she could heal him from his injuries that had happened during the maralith attack. Noct had been bedridden since then, unable to walk, being steered around in a chair. Noct’s eyes had dulled. No more bright shine, no more excited babble.

Ignis hated it.

Hated that he was so small and unable to do anything to help his friend feel better. Hated that Noct had been hurt and there was nothing he could. Nothing _anyone_ could do. 

He’d spent evening after evening at Noct’s bedside, reading to him, trying to coax a smile and failing. King Regis joined him in his vigil, hazel eyes morose as he stared at his son in his bed. When Regis looked away from Noct it was to find Ignis’ gaze on him. They would share a glance laden with pain. Ignis knew exactly how Regis felt.

Helpless.

Powerless.

That feeling only grew as he watched the news in horror. The Nifs had found out King Regis _and_ his heir Prince Noctis were in Tenebrae and evidently decided it was the perfect time to attack. Lady Lunafreya and Prince Ravus had lost their mother in the attack, but there was no word on Regis or Noct.

Ignis had his first panic attack that day.

He didn’t know that what it was, not until later, but he did know he couldn’t seem to find his breath, his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. He just wanted to crawl into a corner and hide, everything seemed so _loud_ , but he couldn’t concentrate on any of it. It all blurred together. Like car horns in a traffic jam. He rocked in the corner of Noct’s room, screaming, screaming, screaming.

He didn’t notice the running footsteps, didn’t register his Uncle Stupeo trying to calm him, all he could focus on was the rasp of his throat as he screamed.

Then everything went black.

When he woke, he felt…fuzzy. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, which could account for the blurry vision, but his brain felt…weird. He was in a darkened room, his own in his parent’s house. His mother was dozing at his bedside, one hand extended, resting on the bed where he lay.

Then the tears started again, along with great hiccuping sobs that his mother tried to soothe, holding him close in her arms.

“It’s alright, Ignis,” his mother whispered into his hair. “Everything will be alright.”

Ignis wanted to believe that, wanted to believe his mother knew that it was going to be alright, but Noctis was in danger and no-one knew if he was ok, no-one was telling him anything.

He looked up at his mother, eyes pleading, clinging to his child’s faith that his mother was all knowing, “I’m scared, Mum. Noctis was already hurt, what if…”

His mother cupped his face between her warm palms, “oh, my darling boy, I know you are worried about your friend, but I promise you, as soon as we know anything we will tell you.” She wiped away his tears, “Papa has gone to see if he can find out what is going on, he’ll be home as soon as he knows anything, does that help?”

Ignis nodded, “a bit.” It did. It was better than nothing. His father had never let him down, but he was desperate to know Noct was coming home, that he was ok. That he hadn’t lost the only friend he had. He bit his lip, knowing that was selfish, but Noct had brought so much happiness into his life that he couldn’t bear the thought of not having him around. 

It was hours before his father returned, looking exhausted. He spoke quietly with his wife, Ignis’ anxiety spiking as his parents shot him concerned glances. His father eventually gathered Ignis into his lap, his gentle voice whispering in his ear, Noct and Regis had contacted the Citadel, they were alive and trying to make their way back home, but it might take a while as they had to be careful.

“I won’t lie to you, son, people are trying to hurt them, but Regis would protect Noctis with everything he has.” He stroked Ignis hair, “he’s a very powerful man.”

“He’s the King,” Ignis said, trembling in his father’s arms. “The King protects the people.” Words learned by rote, but still, he tried to convince himself that of course Regis would protect Noct. Noct was his son.

His father nodded, “yes he does. He can use his magic to keep Noctis safe and then they will come home.”

Ignis blinked wide green eyes up at his father, “will I be able to see him when they come home?”

The elder Scientia sighed, “maybe not for a while, but as soon as you can, your mother or I will take you. Uncle Stupeo said he would call me as soon as he knows more.” His father twisted Ignis around so that he could hug him, “I know this is hard, son, I know you are worried, but we are here for you. We want to help you not feel so scared.”

Ignis nodded into his father’s neck, holding back his tears as best he could. “I know, Papa.”

“Now, what happened to you today was something called an anxiety attack.” He pulled Ignis back so they could look at each other, his green eyes identical to Ignis’. “It means you got so worried that your body couldn’t cope with it and you weren’t able to calm down. I know it was scary.” Ignis nodded, biting his lip. “So, to help you learn how to cope with the scary things, we are going to take you to someone who can help. Is that alright?”

“Will you be there?” he asked, voice sounding so small and frightened.

“We will,” his father assured him. “And if you need to talk the them alone, we will be right outside if you need us, alright?”

Ignis bit his lip, nodding again hesitantly, “ok, Papa.”

“That’s my good boy,” his father crooned, holding him close again. 

His parents took him to a therapist the next day.

To the outside world, including his parents, Ignis was better, therapy was working. Internally, well…

He went through three therapists before the fourth seemed the best fit for him, or at least, he was somewhat comfortable with her. She didn’t treat him like a child, but was honest with him, sometimes blunt in her assessment, but Ignis found he liked that, and in a way, he needed it.

And she refused to let him rely on medication, something he had tried to avoid with the others. They had foisted prescriptions and bottles on him from the very beginning and Ignis loathed them for it. He wanted to get at the root of the problem, not cover the issue. Medication made him feel nothing and that was somehow worse than feeling overwhelmed.

He needed coping mechanisms, he needed to learn how to manage his anxiety attacks on his own, and his parents needed the same information.

At first, either his father or mother would be in each session with him, but once he found a rhythm with his doctor, he was comfortable enough to see her on his own. His parents still came along to give him support, and to have a quick conversation once he was done with his bi-weekly hour long ‘chats’, taking home literature to read and their own forms of homework.

They would sit him down and explain in proper terms what they were doing, they didn’t belittle his anxiety or thoughts, but they didn’t allow him to wallow in it either, they gave him positive, but realistic goals and expectations, and most importantly, they didn’t ignore his anxiety. They didn’t remove the stressors, or triggers, but helped him tolerate them.

His father would sit him down and take his hands in his own, tell him “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, and I’m here, and I’m going to help you get through this. Your mum is going to help you get through this, your doctor is helping you get through this.”

Ignis was never asked if he was worried about something, instead he was asked how he felt about it so that he could verbalise it himself without being led to saying he was anxious about it. It allowed him the room to assess for himself whether it should have the importance he first thought, or if it was something he could discard as a worthless thought.

The biggest challenge he had was his anxiety about Noctis. He had the feeling it was never going to go away, never going to get better. Noct would always be a target. That hadn’t lessened even with Noct coming home safe. It had been weeks before he’d been allowed to see his friend, but they had spoken in the interim, which had helped a bit, though when he had been ushered to the Citadel in a special car with tinted windows so no-one could see in, Ignis had been unable to help himself, rushing to Noct and hugging him tight.

Add that to the fact that Noct was growing to hate being a prince and things became harder. Noct wanted to be normal, but he wasn’t, even if his injury was slowly healing now, enabling him to walk with Ignis. To Ignis it wasn’t that he was royalty that caused him the most anxiety, it was that he adored his friend and wanted to protect him, but he didn’t know how. The only thing he could do was treat Noct like he was just a normal kid.

So Ignis did his best to do that, ignoring his natural inclination to say ‘no’ to some of Noct’s plans for fun, instead going along with most of it and only objecting when he knew it would get them in _real_ trouble. But he knew Noct needed to feel normal, and getting into mischief was definitely a normal occupation so Ignis would so often find himself simply going along with Noct’s ideas as well as volunteering a few of his own.

Racing through the Citadel, once Noct could run again with a hitch gait that lessened each day and then only returned with fatigue, hand in hand, hiding from the all the Guard and Glaive became a favourite game, one that evolved into more and more elaborate tactical retreats, evading their ‘captors’ as Noct had termed them. They began laying false trails so everyone would go one way while they went another, using the secret passages as a way to move about unseen. Then they could explore in places they weren’t meant to be to their hearts content.

The best secret passage was one that led to the kitchens, opening into one of the large storerooms. A storeroom that often held treats that both boys were denied unless they had been good. With all the escaping, they were rare in the extreme. And all the more attractive for that. Plus, Noct had a sweet tooth.

Ignis arrived one afternoon after school, expecting more exploring to find Noct sulking in his room, kicking his feet back and forth on his bed.

“Noct, what is it?” Ignis sat beside the little Prince, slinging an arm around his thin shoulders.

Noct pouted up at him, “I have to start training with Gladio. I don’t like him. He’s mean and bossy.” He hung his head, “I mean, it might be nice to learn swords and stuff, but I just don’t like him. I don’t see why the Marshal can’t teach me. He’s better than Gladio.”

Ignis digested that information silently. Noct starting his martial training would mean he could protect himself, which meant he’d be safe, or safer at any rate.

“Maybe the Marshal will be able to teach you sometimes,” Ignis said diplomatically. He knew Cor was a busy man, but he was also the best, so every one said. Surely a Prince deserved to be taught by the best there was on offer.

“Yeah, maybe,” Noct muttered. “Gladio’s supposed to be my Shield when he grows up, so I guess that might be why they want him to train me now.”

Ignis hummed thoughtfully, “that would make sense. They probably want you to get to know each other. Like your father and Mister Clarus.”

Noct leaned into Ignis, “I heard him call me a brat, and weak.”

Ignis’ desire to protect Noct surged at that. How dare he? He had no right to speak of Noct like that, and Ignis felt an immediate dislike for this Gladio person. “You are neither of those things, Noct.”

“You don’t think so,” Noct asked, peering up at him.

“No, I don’t,” Ignis asserted. “You’re my best friend in the whole world and I think you’re wonderful.”

Noct surprised Ignis by tackle hugging him until they were wrestling on the bed in breathless giggles, then they were up, racing to their favourite secret passage, ready to plunder the kitchens.


	3. Of Glaive and Stars

Ignis arrived at the Citadel to see Noct, and was promptly told that his Highness was training. One of the Glaive took pity on him and led him down to the training area so he could watch and wait for Noct to finish, chattering to Ignis about what he was doing in school.

Ignis humored him, made it seem better than what it was.

“They’re in here,” the Glaive announce, ice blue eyes twinkling in amusement down at Ignis. They had arrived in front of a large set of doors low down in the Citadel. Ignis and Noct had never really been in this area much, there wasn’t anything particularly interesting about it. Just a big room, empty when they had entered. It was nice for running around in, but the novelty had long worn off. There were far more interesting places to go.

When the Glaive pushed the doors open, Ignis spotted Noct, hands on his knees, bent over, panting harshly, small wooden sword dropped at his feet while a bigger boy with tan skin and dark brown hair stood back, arms across his chest, staring down at the Prince with a mildly disgusted look on his face. He had to be at least a few years older than Noct and a little older than Ignis, but he was _big_.

Gladiolus Amicitia.

Ignis immediately updated his previous dislike to outright hatred.

“Again,” Gladiolus growled at Noct, slipping into a defensive stance, his own wooden sword at the ready.

Noct groaned, bending further to heft the sword he’d dropped into his hand and tried to assume a similar pose.

Gladiolus rolled his eyes, “balance your weight, how many times do I have to tell you?”

The Glaive beside Ignis grunted quietly and placed a hand on Ignis’ shoulder when he made to move forward. He shook his head at Ignis somewhat sadly, “he has to learn,” he murmured.

Ignis bristled, “but does he have to be _mean_?”

The Glaive bent down to whisper in his ear, “maybe not, but the Marshal is meaner, and its probably best if his Highness learns first from someone close to his own age.” The Glaive straightened, “he’ll learn from others too, maybe even me. Gladio works mainly with greatswords, I work with daggers. These,” he said, pulling out a pair of wickedly curved blades and presenting them to Ignis for him to examine. “They are called Kukris. See,” he brandished one of the deadly weapons. “This one came from my home in Galahd, the other I had made to match it here.”

Ignis watched the light bounce off the edge of each weapon, and now that the Glaive had pointed it out, each had different engravings. And they were beautiful, deadly, but beautiful. He reached out, glancing up to see if it was ok to touch, receiving a quick nod, he caressed the hilt of one, noting the slightly worn grips of weapons that were well used and cared for. He tapped the beaded tassel on the pommel to watch it swing.

“They are very nice,” Ignis murmured softly.

The Glaive chuckled, tilting his head, “I suppose they are.”

Ignis gazed up at him, flicking his gaze to Noct trying to swing at Gladiolus in the centre of the room. “You’re from Galahd, is that why you have those tattoos?”

The Glaive slid his weapons away, nodding, “yep.” He touched the little arrow shape beneath one eye, then a long set of intersecting lines down his neck, “they show where I am from, who my family are. Same with these,” he said, fingering a long braid that fell from his hair. It was shaved close on both sides, leaving a longer strip down the centre. “After losing my home, it’s nice to have something to remind me.”

“Ulric,” Gladio shouted. “Who’s this?” he asked pointed at Ignis with his sword.

Ignis narrowed his eyes at the Shield in training.

“Friend of the Prince, came to see him,” the Glaive named Ulric answered, sauntering over to the centre, Ignis following at his heels.

Gladiolus grunted, peering down at Ignis from his slightly greater height. “Scrawny, just like the Princess here.” 

Noct straightened, throwing his sword down again, “don’t be _mean_. He’s my friend, you’re being rude again.”

Ignis’ hands clenched into little fists by his side, trembling in anger. He’d never wanted to hit someone before, but he really wanted to hit the bigger boy. Amber eyes found Ignis’ widening at the fury in his green ones and he took a slight step back.

Ulric snorted, “c’mon, I think you’ve pummeled the Prince enough, how about I show him some stuff.”

Gladio suddenly seemed unsure, averting his gaze from the intense young boy at Ulric’s side, “dunno about that. I’m supposed to show him forms and stuff.”

Ulric rolled his shoulders, a blatant display of coiled strength, “yeah, and he’s not learning it too well from you right now, let me try.”

Ignis bit his lip to hide a triumphant smile and Noct shot him a cheeky grin.

The tormentor vanquished.

Ulric was patient, gently guiding Noct into the right form, explaining softly why he had to keep his feet apart a certain way, Noct nodding eagerly, while Gladiolus leaned against one wall, frown on his face, thick brows knitting together.

“Huh,” the older boy grunted when Noct slid into a perfect stance. “Guess he can learn.”

Ignis squinted at him, “maybe he just needed someone competent to teach him.” He winced at himself internally. Where was this temerity coming from? Normally, when someone bigger and older was rude or mean, he would shrink into himself, hide from them, never confront like this.

“Another brat,” Gladio muttered under his breath.

“And you are _rude_ ,” Ignis hissed in return, shuffling over so he was further away, half expecting to get hit for the rejoinder.

The blow never came, so Ignis peeked over at the older boy, seeing him regarding him with curiosity. Feeling braver for not being hit, Ignis stuck his nose in the air and proceeded to ignore him. Noct might have to deal with him, but Ignis didn’t, and he felt no desire to be nice.

In fact, he felt that he and Noct would now have a new victim for their pranks.

Another change was King Regis deciding that Noct should go to school, with other children, so he was enrolled in the one Ignis attended, both boys excited that they would be there together.

It wasn’t quite what they were expecting.

Noct wasn’t in Ignis’ class, there being a year and half between their ages. And the other children stared, whispering behind hands, eyes flitting away when Noct saw them. Some of them would sidle up to Noct and start asking him questions, insatiably curious about the young Prince which only made it all worse, so Noct retreated from trying to make friends. They were only interested in him because of who he was, not for him as a person.

“I thought I’d like it,” Noct complained to Ignis one lunch time, both of them sitting under a tree on a bench, swinging their legs in time, boxes on their knees. He sighed, “they don’t ask about me, they ask about being a Prince.”

“I know, I’m sorry, Noct,” Ignis replied. “At least we have each other.”

Noct brightened for a moment, but then his face fell, “but you’re going to go to the bigger school next year.”

Ignis reached over and squeezed his hand, “I’ll still see you after school, like always. You’re my best friend, Noct.” While Ignis was quietly pleased about being smart enough to skip a grade and move on to the bigger school, he was apprehensive about a new group of people to have to deal with. His therapist assured him that as he grew older, the teasing would lessen, that the other kids would find other things to focus on. He wasn’t sure he believed that.

Ignis grinned at Noct bouncing beside him, so happy to see his friend acting more like himself. He knew there were nightmares still and moments when Noct would retreat, but it was better, which made Ignis feel better.

Tonight they were going to do one of their favourite activities.

Well, two, as they were sneaking out to do it.

Ignis held the blankets, Noct was carrying pillows. Ignis also had a small bag slung over his shoulder with treats they had pilfered earlier in another of their forays into the kitchen, along with a thermos with hot chocolate.

They were as ready as they could be for a night of star gazing on the Citadel rooftop.

First order of business was to stealthily depart Noct’s rooms without being seen. Two heads peered around the door frame, one swiveling one way, one checking the other, then they were grinning at each other when the coast was clear. Exaggerated tiptoeing led them down the hall to a discrete panel at the end by the door to the stairwell. Ignis pressed on one corner and it popped open.

Noct gave Ignis a devilish grin, slipping into the newly exposed passageway. Ignis followed, pulling the panel closed behind him. Noct already had his phone out to light their way.

The passage led them to another that exited by the elevator that would take them to the rooftop.

Twin grins spread wide as the elevator doors closed.

Another successful escape.

With a jubilant fist bump, the pair headed for their favourite spot, right out in the open where as little as possible was in the way to obstruct the view. Ignis laid their blankets out, Noct arranged the pillows.

“It’s been far too long since we did this,” Ignis commented as they both settled in, comfortably close, warming fingers around their mugs of hot chocolate.

Noct leaned against Ignis, eyes trained skyward, “yeah.” They sat companionably in silence, both staring skyward, mugs almost forgotten in their hands. 

It was so peaceful, high enough above the city streets to mute the constant sound of traffic, Ignis let all his worries drift away. He found himself relaxing against Noct, not even letting his mind examine why it felt so nice, why his stomach fluttered.

He just existed in the bubble of Noct.

When Noct laid back, arms cradling his head on the pillow, Ignis mimicked his pose, sighing softly.

“They’re brighter in Tenebrae,” Noct said softly.

Ignis turned his head to regard his friend, finding him contemplative, “I expect that is because of the lights.”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, probably,” Noct replied absentmindedly. “I was just…I know it’s kind of stupid, but do you think the gods live up there, among the stars?”

Ignis blinked up at the firmament above, a black velvet carpet sprinkled with diamonds. “I can think of no more fitting place for them to live, Noct.” He pointed to one constellation, “Shiva, always so close to Ifrit,” he murmured, making out the red glinting star that adorned the Infernian’s brow. Then he found Leviathan’s blue tinged stars, “our sea serpent God, cavorting through the stars.”

“I see Ramuh’s staff, and the Titan,” Noct whispered, taking up the familiar commentary. He huffed a laugh and turned his head, waiting for Ignis to complete it.

Ignis smirked, pointing, “and there is the Draconian.” 

Noct snorted, snuggling closer to Ignis’ side. Ignis bit his lip, wriggling to get comfortable.

“Do you think, when we die, would we join them up there?”

Ignis swallowed, nodding. “I do, perhaps you most of all.” He nudged his elbow into Noct’s side, “your name proclaims your right to reside up there.” He was afraid he’d said something far too earnest when Noct went very still, looking down to find his young Prince gazing up at him.

Noct licked his lips, blue eyes shining in the dark, “you really believe that?”

Ignis clasped Noct’s hand in his, staring back up at the sky, “yes, I do.”


	4. Growing Pains

Ignis peered around the corner, teeth worrying at his lip, sliding his glasses back up his nose.

Noct stood, head bowed, in front of his father who looked concerned.

Gladiolus was radiating fury, while his little sister, Iris, was hoping from foot to foot looking like she was going to cry.

Noct had apparently taken Iris on a jaunt about the city without asking or telling anyone where they were going. Iris had come to see her brother, yet when he went to speak with her, he found her gone. Ignis simply could not fathom Noct taking the little girl without informing anyone. It just was not like him, completely out of character. He would not even do something like that to gain his father’s attention, Noct was the furthest thing from cruel or callous.

Iris had started to speak, explain, but Noct interrupted her, blurting out that it was his fault.

Regis had frowned at that, as did Ignis, distinctly hearing the lie in his friend’s voice, then had lectured his son on propriety and position, about being responsible, while Gladiolus grunted, clearly wanting to throttle the Prince while Iris tugged on his hand, eyes wide as she pleaded with her brother silently. Clarus Amicitia scowled behind King Regis, looking dubiously from his daughter to the Prince.

Ignis felt there was something very off about what Noct had said. What exactly was Noct hiding?

His friend might enjoy evading the Glaive and Guard when it was him and Ignis, but he would never simply take someone like Iris and abscond. He watched Noct carefully, noting a quick glance between the two miscreants. Iris looked guilty, while Noct was quietly accepting his punishment.

Noct was confined to his rooms unless he was training or going to school, but thankfully Ignis wasn’t denied his company, so he confronted Noct about the truth of the matter when he went to see him after school.

“What really happened, Noct?”

Noctis winced, “shoulda known you would work it out.” He shrugged his shoulders, “Dad didn’t though.” He sounded a little petulant at that and Ignis closed his eyes briefly. It was a complaint surfacing more and more. “She chased a cat out one of the courtyard garden windows, she got bored waiting for her brother.”

“Oh dear,” Ignis murmured, mind already racing ahead.

“Yeah,” Noct grunted. “I followed, found her eventually, crying, scared, lost and brought her back to that shit storm.” He turned bright blue eyes on Ignis, “it wasn’t really her fault, she just wanted to see Gladio and he kept her waiting for ages. She’s only little, I didn’t want every one yelling at her.” He shrugged again, “figured it was better me getting chewed out than her.”

“Oh, Noct,” Ignis murmured, so incredibly proud of his friend. “That was a lovely thing to do, but I am afraid, now Gladiolus is furious with you.” He felt his stomach clenching at the thought of how cruel the bigger boy would be during training. He was already focused on beating Noct into a little warrior, now it would be infinitely worse, uncaring of what he said or did to do it. Ignis fretted, wondering if he could managed to speak with King Regis privately, explain the truth of the situation to him. He startled when he felt Noct’s hand on his arm, gentle smile on his face.

“It’s ok, Speccy, I can handle him.”

Ignis decided against speaking to King Regis, instead seeking out the crux of the problem.

Gladiolus Amicitia.

He found him waiting in the training room, Noct running late as Cor had cornered him before his daily session with the trainee Shield. The bigger boy was staring at the floor, oddly pensive when Ignis approached. He glanced up and frowned.

“What do you want?”

Ignis steeled himself, shoving down his anxiety, “I came to ask you not to punish Noct any more than he already has been.”

Gladiolus stared at him, a silent wall of bulk, arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowing at Ignis, “huh?”

Ignis hid his hands behind his back, fingers twisting together. “Noct…Noct would never harm your sister…”

“I know,” the trainee Shield sighed, shoulders slumping.

“No, you don’t understand, Noct…”

Gladiolus rolled his eyes, “no, I _know,”_ he stated emphatically. “Iris told me the truth.” He ran his fingers through his hair, “how she was bored waiting for me, how she followed a cat out the window, how Noct found her and brought her back.” He smiled ruefully at Ignis, “she’s got a bit of hero worship goin’ on now. The Prince is her personal saviour.”

Ignis, at first relaxing at the bigger boy knowing the truth, bristled at the last part, ignoring the _why_ of that. “Oh,” he said quietly. He gazed up at the other, “so you won’t punish him?”

Gladiolus shook his head, “no, I won’t punish him.” He regarded the lithe boy beside him, “why do you care about him so much?”

Ignis bristled again, “and why do you care so little? He is your future King and you treat him like…like…”

Gladiolus backed up, hands out, “woah there.” The green eyed spit fire that was Ignis at that moment had the bigger boy blinking in shock.

Ignis was on a roll, not to be stopped, he needed this tyrant in the training room to understand. “No, you must listen! You call him princess, and that hurts him. He’s just a boy, why must you batter at him with your wooden sword? It does not teach him anything. He learned more in five minutes with Nyx Ulric that he he has with you in months.”

“Hey!”

Ignis puffed out his admittedly scrawny chest, “what, not like the truth? Are you going to beat me too, or am I too big?”

Gladiolus raised his fist, but Ignis held firm.

“Go on then, you bully.” He sneered at the bigger boy, “no wonder Noct did not gift you with the truth.” His eyes blazed, “you should be teaching him how to best _you_ , not be beating him into submission.” With that, he turned on his heel and left, slamming the door behind him. It took three steps before his knees began to buckle.

Ignis stared down at himself in shock and disgust. He took in the soiled sheets, his soiled underwear, even his damned pajama pants were covered in it. Gross.

Growing hair in odd places was one thing, but _this,_ this was utterly mortifying.

Objectively, he knew what had happened, had listened in mild horror during the classes that explained what would occur to his body without his consent, but for it to actually _happen_ and so dramatically was completely another level of horrifying. It was much messier than he was expecting.

He and Noct had discussed the subject at length, both agreeing it was something they wouldn’t wish on anyone, even Gladio, though it was rather obvious that puberty had struck him too. The deeper voice, new height and the underarm hair told their own story. Frustratingly, the other boy was handling it with seeming ease.

And he was getting even bigger. Which was patently unfair as far as Ignis was concerned. He still looked like a stick while Gladio was sprouting muscles everywhere.

Ignis whimpered as he disrobed, throwing his messy clothing into the hamper in the corner, then thinking he’d rush to the laundry and wash it all himself. He was not going to put his mother through the indignity of cleaning _that_. The sheets off his bed followed swiftly, leaving Ignis naked and ashamed as he made his way into his little bathroom to shower the rest of the sticky evidence off.

Another indignity occurred when he pulled out a pair of his pants and slid them on to discover they didn’t come down over his ankles any more. He swore to himself, then grimaced at being crass, even if the situation did call for it.

He simply couldn’t go out like he was.

“Papa,” he called, cringing at the crack in his voice. Damn the thing, why couldn’t it settle on one pitch.

His father peered around his bedroom door to find Ignis breathing heavily, face scarlet, head down, in far too short pants.

“Oh, Ignis,” his father sighed softly. “It’s nothing to worry about, we all go through it.”

Ignis pursed his lips, brows drawing together, “but does it have to be so humiliating.”

His father noted the stripped bed but wisely refrained from mentioning it. Not while his son was close to panicking over puberty. So, he carefully approached Ignis, “we can alleviate some of it, son.” He placed his hand on Ignis’ shoulder, “I’ll take you shopping, we can get pants that will fit for longer. If we get some that are a little long now, they will allow room for growth spurts.”

Ignis grunted, “I suppose.” He glanced up at his father, “I hate the hair thing too.”

His father stroked Ignis’ chin feeling the barest amount of soft fluff, “most of it you won’t have to deal with for a while yet, but we can prepare. I will teach you to shave, if you’d like.” Ignis nodded, green eyes wide. “And, you have hair like me, son, I doubt you will be very hirsute. And you are fair, it won’t be obvious.”

Ignis considered the hair on his legs and arms, a little coarser than it used to be, but not very dark and conceded his father might be correct about that. He wondered how Gladio could possibly be so proud of his hairy legs and arms. He shuddered, tossing that thought away.

“Bring your hamper, I’ll show you how to use the washing machine.”

Ignis flushed at the reminder of what was in there, though he was thankful that Papa hadn’t actually mentioned it.

Clothing and bedding were one thing, learning to shave was nice, but acne was a war Ignis couldn’t win. His body started to settle, sort of. His wrists and ankles still regularly poked out of his hems unexpectedly, his legs were getting ridiculously long and he looked skinnier than ever. Having broader shoulders was sort of nice, though. And he was no longer getting an erection due to a stiff breeze. He snickered at the pun before frowning into the mirror again. His face was a mess. Spots and breakouts notwithstanding, his nose had lengthened with a weird little bump in the bridge. His whole face was more angular now, lips wider and fuller, jaw sharper and emerging from the vestiges of baby fat.

He wasn’t sure he liked this new face of his. It was weird to look in the mirror and have someone new staring back at him, and it hadn’t even finished changing yet. At least his glasses were something to hide behind.

Then came the braces to straighten his teeth.

Ignis loathed puberty with a passion.

Noct seemed to be in awe of the changes his friend was going through, staring up at his new height, peppering him with questions about shaving. Questions about almost everything. Except the nocturnal emissions thing. Ignis was eternally grateful for that.

Noct stared up at him, pretty blue eyes wide.

That thought took Ignis aback. Since when did he think Noct’s eyes were pretty?

“You’re going to be so _tall_ , Speccy,” Noct said, raking his eyes over Ignis’ form. That made something flutter in his chest. Did he need to worry about having a heart attack on top of everything else?

Ignis demurred, covering his confusion at this new onslaught of sensation, “it’s not so very wonderful, Noct. My _bones_ ache. I stick out like a sore thumb,” he grumbled.

Noct blinked at him, a hint of pink on his cheeks, “no, I think you look ok, Speccy.”

Another flutter in his chest.


	5. cambrerius

Noct groaning in frustration, head in his hands had Ignis peering up from his homework. He was surrounded by open books, pieces of paper with scribbled notes scattered around him, deep scowl on his face.

“Noct, what’s the matter?” Ignis asked, placing his pen down and rising from his seat at the dining table. Noct pouted at him, pointing to his books. Ignis rounded the coffee table where Noct had situated himself, tilting his head to see what Noct was working on.

“Elemancy,” Noct spat. “The theory part. Not that I can manage the practical yet either, but this sucks.” He slumped on the couch, crossing his arms, “I just can’t get it. Dad said I need to draw on the magic in my blood to create each type, and the books say the same thing, but no-one can tell me _how_ I do that.”

Ignis picked up the book that Noct had open, brows knitting together as he read through the text. _Draw on the magic within. Direct the magic into the specific type required. Soul Well. Feel the magic. Draw upon the well and concentrate on the element._ His scowl deepened as he scanned the text. Noct was absolutely correct. Less than useful, more like confusing and obtuse.

“Are they all this…” he waved his free hand searching for an adequate term.

“Full of bullshit,” Noct supplied. “Yeah.” He picked up another, reading from one of the pages, “one must be at one with the well within in order to draw from it.” He looked up at Ignis, “what the fuck does that even mean?”

Ignis didn’t bother to say anything about Noct’s language, honestly, he felt like swearing himself. “Nothing comprehensive, of that I am sure,” he drawled. “It is as if they are deliberately muddling the information.”

Noct slumped, defeated, “I kinda hoped you might be able to make sense of it.”

Ignis contemplated the book, then took the other one from Noct’s hands, shaking his head as he read more rubbish about wells and feeling the magic. Utterly useless. “When you warp, what is it that Cor explained to you?”

Noct perked up, “he said I needed to visualise where I wanted to go, clear my mind to just think of that.”

“Hmm,” he hummed as he mulled that over. “So, in essence, you centre yourself before you warp?” Noct nodded slowly. “What do you _feel_ when you do that?”

The Prince cocked his head to the side, thinking about it. “It’s a…tingle…or a crackle. Like my body is buzzing. But the moment before, I am…still…calm.” He glanced at Ignis, eyes lighting up, “do you think _that_ might be what I need to feel to get this,” he gestured to the book in Ignis’ hand.

“Possibly,” Ignis conceded. “Find that centre of calm and think about what you want to create.”

Noct inhaled, closing his eyes and laying his palm flat against his thigh, letting his shoulders relax.

Ignis sat beside him, “just think of one element, let your breathing slow,” he murmured quietly, watching Noct’s hand. Noct’s brow furrowed, and Ignis placed his hand on Noct’s shoulder to ground him. “Breathe in, hold it for a moment, then let it out slowly.”

“Mmm.” Noct closed his fist then opened it, the tiniest of flames centred in his palm.

“You did it,” Ignis exhaled.

Noct opened his eyes and stared at the little flame in shock, blinking when it extinguished. He stared at Ignis, mouth dropping open, then snapping shut to look at his palm again. “I…I did it.”

“You did,” Ignis grinned, incredibly proud. “Well done, Noct.” The Prince’s cheeks started to pink at the praise. “What were you thinking of?”

Noct’s gaze shifted from Ignis to the floor, “umm, I was…warmth.”

“That makes sense,” Ignis nodded, squeezing Noct’s shoulder. “Thinking of something cold could produce ice, and so on.” He stood and headed to the kitchen, intending to make them both something to drink.

“Yeah, maybe,” Noct mumbled, opening and closing his fist.

Ignis didn’t startle when he felt the warmth and weight of a strong hand on his shoulder, he was rather used to the gesture from the King, so instead he glanced up, noting with a little shock that he needn’t look up so much. 

“Walk with me, Ignis?” Regis asked him softly.

“Of course, your Grace,” Ignis replied, sweeping into his best bow. He adjusted his stride to match the King’s slightly rolling gait, noting with a wince he quickly hid that the cane was in use again today. And the knee brace. That led him into an appraisal of the King’s general condition. Hair showing more grey, dark circles under his hazel eyes, and the barest hint of the black network of spiderwebbing veins peeking out of his voluminous collar. Perhaps that was why he wore his collars like that, to hide them. Ignis frowned at that thought. Very few Kings or Queens had ever lived past the age of sixty and Regis was fast approaching that age. If history was anything to go by, Noctis would ascend to the throne of Lucis within the next ten years or so.

The thought made him sad.

Maintaining the wall aged the King and would take the father from the son far too soon, especially painful as they seldom had time together as it was.

Noct didn’t really resemble his father a great deal, but Ignis could see some features echoed in the son. The hint of nose and jaw was there, but generally Noct resembled his mother. There were very few portraits around the Citadel of the Queen. One formal portrait of Aulea on her ascension to Queen. One with Regis and another with her husband and Noctis when he was a baby. That one Ignis had also seen in Noct’s rooms, a photo taken as a reference for the painting. The only other picture he had seen of the Queen was an old photo, casual, Aulea holding Noct not long before she had died. Noct had her jet black hair, slight figure and her almond shaped eyes. But when Noct smiled, Ignis saw a miniature Regis in the making.

They travelled down the corridor, Ignis glancing back to see a silent Clarus Amicitia trailing behind them, eyes alert, even here in the heart of the Citadel.

Regis led them to one of the courtyard gardens, waving his hand toward one of the stone benches, “here should do nicely.” The King sat with a long sigh, propping his elaborate cane against the bench and patting the space next to him.

Ignis settled himself, folding his hands in his lap to stop the fidgeting he was longing to do, blinking up at Regis inquisitively, head cocked to one side, “what can I do for you, your Majesty?”

“I have a proposition for you, Ignis,” Regis smiled. “But first, may I ask how your schooling is going?”

“Rather well,” Ignis replied, insatiably curious about what the proposition might be, but knowing he’d have to wait. 

“This will be the second time you have advanced ahead, yes?”

Ignis flushed at the thought that the King of Lucis was being apprised of how well he was doing. He nodded, “it is. I have to submit my choices next week, there are so many things that are interesting.”

“You have already made a study of Lucian History, I understand, and Ancient Lucian as your language requirement.”

“They were both fascinating subjects,” Ignis murmured. “I am considering political science for one of my selections.”

“Interesting subjects for one still so young, but then, you have always absorbed knowledge like a sponge.” Regis chuckled, “Noctis informed me that you were able to help him with his elemancy theory when he was struggling to grasp certain concepts.”

Ignis bit his lip, hoping he hadn’t overstepped, “I asked to see a book or two on the theory of it, and Noct was confused by some things. I merely gave him a different perspective.”

“One that worked, Ignis.” Hazel eyes narrowed slightly, “how would you feel about adding military tactics to your subjects?”

“Sire?”

Regis hummed at Ignis’ perplexed expression, “it would be a requirement of Noctis’ future Advisor. Including a knowledge of our history, language, politics. Those you already have, or will have.”

“Noct’s Advisor?” Ignis queried.

“You are actually almost qualified now, Ignis,” Regis said with a smile. “You are incredibly intelligent and Noctis trusts you. You are a little young yet, but a few more years would solve that issue, but should you wish it, you could begin training for that role in a year or two. And another that you could start almost immediately.”

Ignis digested that information. It was intriguing. “The other role?”

“My son will need a Chamberlain, again, someone he can trust, and someone who cares for his welfare, someone who can stand up to him when need be, and has excellent organisational abilities.”

“A cambrerius?”

Regis chuckled again at the old Lucian term, “yes, the one who would be in charge of Noctis’ household and everything that entails. To begin with you would be assisting my Chamberlain to learn the duties, but then you would take the position for Noctis. He will be needing one soon, and I can think of no-one I would rather have helping to oversee my son’s welfare.” Regis regarded him again, “would that interest you?”

It was a prime position in the Royal Household, one given usually to those high ranking among the nobility, and often to a favourite. It was a sought after role, though could be difficult to manage. It also provided access to the monarch that many couldn’t dream of. And trust.

“I think,” Ignis started cautiously. “I would be interested.”

“The Advisor role would not be something to worry about just yet, but the Chamberlain role could be something you could begin training for within weeks or months.” Regis paused, his smile rueful, “of course, there is appropriate financial benefits and such that go with it, increasing as the role increases.”

Ignis raised a brow, “I’m sure it would be adequate, besides, I don’t really care about that.”

Regis laughed outright about that, “which is why you would be perfect.” He patted Ignis’ shoulder fondly, “I shall speak to your parents about the Chamberlain training, and later we will discuss the other role, but neither should interfere with your schooling at the moment.”

“Thank you, your Majesty, for the honor.”

Regis’ smile turned sad, “my son trusts you, Ignis and he’s going to need someone he can trust without question.”

Years later, that statement held so much more meaning, but right then all Ignis could think about was getting back to his home and adding Military Tactics under Political Science on his subject submission form.

Dr Cadeus had told Ignis that the teasing would stop, that they’d find something else to focus on. He was still waiting for that to happen. It felt like every day someone found something to point out about his appearance and as much as he tried to shrug it off, at least where they could see, he found himself staring into his mirror at home, picking out problems.

Glasses, braces on his teeth, skinny, long limbed and gangly. Ugly.

Nerd.

“Skinny little nerd, ain’t he?” One of the CrownsGuard, whispering behind his hand, but not quiet enough that Ignis hadn’t heard.

Ignis had scowled, fighting down the rising blush to his already splotchy cheeks. “Bloody hell,” he hissed, finding solace in the bathroom until he could calm himself. Gods, did they not know that Ignis already said those things to himself, that he could _see_ that no matter what he did. Particularly with how he refused to bare himself in front of anyone in the change room with the other boys after physical education. While everyone merely stripped and stepped into the showers, Ignis huddled into the furthest stall he could, hurried in changing out of his clothes, blushing furiously while he showered, rushing through his usual routine to get out and dressed again as quickly as possible.

Which of course, the others noticed.

And, of course, Ignis fretted about that too.

He came out of the bathroom to be assaulted with more insults.

“Who’s the skinny kid?”

“Prince’s friend,” one Guard told the other. “Been hangin’ around since they were little. Quiet kid.”

“Kinda nerdy lookin’, ain’t he?”

A derisive snort, “could say that, but I wouldn’t where the Prince can hear.”

Ignis had heard enough, ducking his head to hide his scarlet cheeks, he scuttled away as fast as he could.

Ignis’ father sighed, folding his hands in front of him as Ignis sat opposite. “Are you sure this is what you want to do, son? King Regis won’t mind if you don’t want to take it on yet.”

“It sounds interesting, Papa,” he began. “I promise I have thought about it carefully, it won’t interfere with my school work.”

Papa took his hand across the table, “that is not what concerns me. I want to know you’re comfortable with it. You will be in charge of Noctis’ household in a few years, it’s a big responsibility, and it may create friction between you.”

Ignis’ mother wrapped her arm around his shoulders, leaning her head against his, “we would hate to see you struggle if something were to happen, Ignis. Your father and I want to ensure you’ve considered everything. It would mean a move to the Citadel, which means less travel for school and training, but…we would miss you terribly.” She stroked his hair, “my little boy will always be my little boy, no matter how big he gets. You can come home weekends, and call any time, but if you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to, Regis won’t think less of you if you say no.”

“It’s a wonderful opportunity,” Papa continued. “But we don’t want to see it create a rift between you and your friend. You will need to learn to compartmentalise. I think you should talk about it with Noct, too.”

Ignis nodded, “I will, but I think I’d be good at it, Papa. A stranger wouldn’t understand Noct. And I won’t be taking the position for a while, I’m too young to run his household, I’ll just be learning it. If I don’t like it, I’ll say so, I promise.”


	6. The Stories Mother's Tell

There was something very vulnerable in Noct’s expression when they met after school. Ignis immediately had his hand on his friend’s arm, leading him to somewhere private. He urged Noct to sit, then knelt at his feet, peering up at him.

“Noct?”

Morose blue eyes flitted away, then he grimaced and sighed. “Specs?” His voice was so quiet, so sad that Ignis’ gut dropped. “What’s it like to have a mother?”

Ignis dropped on his ass on the grass, floored, quite literally by the question. He stared at Noct helplessly, not sure how to answer that. His mother had always been there, always held him when he needed it, loved him unconditionally. Oh. Maybe that was what Noct wanted to know. But he didn’t want to make things worse. 

He got up off the grass and brushed his rear, then sat beside his friend, taking his hand to give them both comfort, ignoring studiously the odd sensation of butterflies taking flight in his stomach. “I’m not entirely sure how to answer that, Noct.”

Noct’s voice when he spoke, was broken. “Dad won’t talk about her, and I just want to know what she was like. I know it hurts him, she was his best friend, like we are, and he misses her, but I…I can’t remember what she looked like unless it’s in a picture. I don’t know what her voice sounded like, or what her hugs were like.” He glanced at Ignis, eyes welling with tears, “I don’t know what she smelled like.”

“Oh Noct,” Ignis murmured, his own eyes burning. He wrapped his arm around his friend’s shoulders, staring at nothing. “Mum smells like gardenias, Papa always buys them for her when he can, or gets her perfume with them in it. She doesn’t like roses, and he remembers every time.” Noct ducked his head, resting it against Ignis’ chest. “Her hugs are…warm, safe, she always kisses my hair when she hugs me, and all I can smell are the gardenias. If I smell them somewhere else, it makes me smile.” He sighed as Noct squeezed his middle, snuffling. He swallowed through the lump in his throat, “her voice is warm too, soft, I don’t think I’ve ever heard her yell, she used to sing to me when I was little, but not lullabies, always something she’d heard on the radio.” He laughed quietly, “but she’s often a little off key. Papa teases her about it, and she laughs like it doesn’t matter. Mum laughs a lot, and smiles, her smile is so pretty.”

“I’ve seen her smile, it _is_ pretty,” Noct mumbled into his shirt.

Ignis stroked Noct’s back, feeling the scar beneath his shirt from when he’d been hurt, and Noct didn’t flinch from the touch, instead inhaling deeply. “When I got hurt, like if I fell over and skinned my knee, she’d kiss it better.”

“Do you…do you think my mother would have done that for me?”

“Of course she would have, Noct.” He stroked Noct’s back again, “that photo you have, the one where she’s holding you, she’s looking at you like my mum looks at me, a soft smile, eyes shining. Eyes just like yours, the colour of the skies before a storm, hair like yours, like ink and black velvet. There is no doubt that she loved you, and if she’s in the stars like we talked about that time, I’m sure she’s watching over you.”

“Thanks, Specs,” Noct whispered.

Ignis leaned his head down, close to Noct’s ear, “you could share my mum if you like, I’m sure she’d like that.”

Noct giggled into Ignis’ chest, “yeah, ok.” He finally raised his head, eyes a little red, but dry now, “does that make me an honorary Scientia?”

Ignis giggled right back, “absolutely.”

It was an awful idea, terrible, absolutely horrendous, but as with most things related to Noct, Ignis hadn’t said no, instead agreeing. Part of that was feeling Noct needed to know what mothers were like and as Ignis’ mother was pretty wonderful in his book, he’d thought that Noct would like to meet her, properly, instead of at a function or when she picked him up from the Citadel. He told Noct he would share her, and he meant it, sure his mum would be delighted by that. And she had been when he told her. Papa had laughed at Noct being an honorary Scientia, ruffling his hair, simply agreeing with the idea as if it were par for the course.

Then he thought about it some more and blanched.

His mother. And the Prince. In the same room. Without the benefit of propriety holding her back. The story that she simply had to tell. And of course, now she would be spending time with the subject of that story, up close and personal. While Ignis watched. Nothing to stop her gushing.

“You sure this is ok?” Noct asked him as they were driven to his parents by Uncle Stupeo. “You seem kinda nervous.”

Ignis tried to smile, pretend it was all fine, then remembered his braces and kept his lips firmly shut over them. But, oh yes, _everything_ was fine. Capital letter ‘F’ fine, but it was impossible to pretend with his traitor Uncle smirking at him through the rearview mirror. Ignis had never wanted to stick his tongue out at someone so much in all his life. Of course, Uncle Stupeo knew the story, and he would also know that it was about to have yet another retelling.

Curiously, he wasn’t anxious about the private meeting between his parents and Noctis, more mortifyingly embarrassed for what was to come.

Because mum couldn’t help herself. She was wonderful and everything he’d told Noct, but the story…

He could only hope that she wouldn’t pull out the photographic evidence.

“I wouldn’t have invited you if it weren’t, Noct,” Ignis said when he realised he’d been silent for far too long and Noct was looking at him expectantly.

“Well, it’s just, I kinda invited myself, but I like your parents and I thought it’d be cool to hang out at your place for a change.”

Ignis chuckled, “well, yes, I suppose that would be nice, we can only find so many places to hide from our ‘captors’.”

Noct took his hand and squeezed, sending an odd warmth through Ignis at the action. He still hadn’t puzzled out why such a little thing made his stomach flip, especially as it was something so innocuous, they’d always done things like that, but lately, his stomach did weird things when it happened. And he could also feeling his cheeks heating in a blush. Maybe he was sick. Or allergic to Noct. He rolled his eyes, no, it couldn’t be that. He was just being silly thinking such a thing. Besides, it sometimes happened around some of the Guard and Glaive too. It was probably all part of the stupid things his body was doing lately.

At least his face was relatively clear today. Only a few more resilient spots.

And his voice was behaving itself.

He let that thought calm himself. It really wouldn’t be good if he panicked. Noct had no idea about his anxiety and that was how he liked it. They shared everything else, but something in Ignis kept him from telling his best friend about his deepest secret. It wasn’t exactly that he thought Noct would tease him, but his experience of kids was not a good one when it came to being different. Ignis was different enough as it was, and he just couldn’t risk losing Noct. Noct had enough to deal with himself, Ignis refused to add to it.

He took a deep breath when they pulled up outside his home, Noct nattering away beside him. He opened the door and hopped out, Noct following close behind him, huge smile on his face.

“Your house is nice, Speccy,” he whispered, nudging Ignis' arm. Previous to Ignis starting to shoot up, he’d have nudged his shoulder, but puberty hadn’t quite struck Noct as hard, his growth slower and more gentle. No acne.

Ignis wrapped an arm over Noct’s shoulder guiding him toward the front door, startled a little at his mother throwing it open to race out and greet them. His eyes went wide and he shook his head at his mum, begging her silently to calm down, be normal, please.

She stopped short of wrapping him in a hug, instead stroking his cheek, then turning to Noct, “hello, Noctis, I am so pleased you could come and see us. Ignis talks about you all the time when he comes home. It’s so good to see you, you’ll always be very welcome here, any time.”

“Thank you for having me, Mrs Scientia, Ignis talks about you too.” He shook her hand and Ignis’ mother preened.

_Oh Gods_.

Ignis ushered Noct inside, eager to get out of the street before the neighbours spotted the Prince and made a fuss. He’d already spent his last weekend home trying to impress upon his mother the importance of keeping things casual and _not_ telling the neighbours that Noct was coming.

It all was going so well, Noct was comfortable and his mother settled down, speaking to him in a relaxed manner, not once referring to him as _your Highness_. Then Ignis needed the bathroom.

“I really don’t know why he gets so embarrassed about it,” Ignis heard his mother say as he made his way back into the lounge room. As he rounded the corner, his worst fears were realised. She had _the_ photo in her hands, leaning over Noct to show him. “He was such an adorable baby, and the way he was so interested in you on the TV was so cute.”

“Oh no,” he whispered.

Then Noct giggled, “he looks so tiny, when I met him later, he was so much bigger than that.” Noct grinned up at his mother, “he has your hair, Mrs Scientia.”

“Oh, yes, he does, or he did, it’s darker now, like his father’s. And he has his father’s eyes, he’s very much a blend of us both I think. And he’s such a good boy.”

“Yeah, he is,” Noct agreed. “He’s been the best friend I could ever ask for. He never treats me weird because of who I am.” He took Ignis’ mother’s hand, “thank you for letting him be my friend, I don’t know how I would have coped with everything without him.”

“It’s our pleasure, Noctis, you’ve been good for him too.”

Noct laughed ruefully, “I remember that first day we played together, I was so excited to have a friend.” He shook his head, amused, “he said he didn’t have friends, and honestly, I thought the other kids were stupid for ignoring how awesome he is.”

Ignis' hand flew to his mouth. Maybe having Noct visit his parents wasn’t so bad after all. Noct didn’t care about the photo, he didn’t care about little Ignis being so enamoured of a picture of him on a screen, Noct was just happy Ignis was his friend and wanted his mother to know.

Mum hugged Noct, bringing a blush to his face, “thank you, Noctis.” She petted his hair, then dropped a kiss to it, just like she did with Ignis. Noct’s mouth dropped open, his eyes wide, then he grinned, hugging her back.

Ignis cleared his throat, announcing his presence, “would you like something to eat, Noct, Mum makes a fantastic cake that I think you’d like.”

Noct turned, “that sounds great.” He smiled shyly at Ignis’ mother, “did you teach him to cook, he’s pretty good?”

His mother beamed, “well, yes. I helped him learn his way around a kitchen, but he’s rather good at thinking up ways to add new ingredients, aren’t you son?”

“I try,” Ignis demurred.

“And now that he’s learning to be your chamberlain, I am sure the skill will come in handy,” she continued. She rose and headed to the kitchen, “why don’t you boys join me, a little treat before dinner won’t hurt.”

“We’ll do that, won’t we Ignis,” Noct answered her. His mother smiled at them sweetly and vanished through the door. 

Ignis sat next to Noct, gesturing to the hated photo left on the coffee table, “sorry you had to see that. She loves telling that story.”

Noct chuckled, “she’s very proud of you, and it was kinda cool to hear her talk about you like that. She’s really nice, Speccy.”

Ignis glanced back at the door his mother had gone through, “she is, isn’t she.”

Noct bumped his shoulder, “besides, you’ve seen all sorts of embarrassing shit around the Citadel, only fair I get to see some of yours too.”

Ignis rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help snicker, “fine, but I consider this even.” He squinted at Noct, “no more baby photos.” He grabbed Noct’s wrist and pulled him up, leading him to the kitchen, “come on, let’s see what Mum made for us.”

Ignis faced the mirror in his bathroom, brows furrowed behind the thick frames of his glasses and grimaced. Why he had thought this one thing would make a difference he didn’t know, but it hadn’t. Not in the slightest. Intellectually he knew it wouldn’t. But his heart hurt when he pasted a smile onto his face and watched it fall away.

He still had an overbite despite the fact his braces had just been removed. It wasn’t as bad as it had been, but it was still there, reflected back at him as if it were mocking him.

It certainly hadn’t helped with the acne scars he was sure everyone was continually staring at. Combine that with the glasses that admittedly covered a portion of his face so that they felt a little like a mask for him to hide behind, the mousy brown hair that he couldn’t always keep in control, lips that he thought too large for his face, a nose that had grown with a bump in the centre of the bridge, (Ignis thought it massive, Noct said he could hardly see it, but Ignis was sure he was just being nice) several little moles dotting his skin and the worst, the gangly limbs of a fifteen year old boy growing too fast, Ignis Scientia felt he was a disaster. A too tall, too gangly, too skinny, ugly disaster.

Tears welling in his eyes, he looked down at his clothes. 

Dowdy sweater vest over a plain shirt and black pants.

He looked like what he knew himself to be.

A nerd.

An unattractive nerd.

He’d never be able to live up to his role of Prince Noctis’ Advisor at this rate. He had to be seen in _public_ with Noct and as things stood now, he’d be a laughing stock surely. Noct was already so pretty, clear skin, bright eyes, puberty was being so kind to him and so unbearably cruel to Ignis.

Turning away from the hateful mirror, Ignis stared despondently at his feet wondering what he could possibly do to improve himself. He controlled his breathing, feeling the signs of a panic attack coming on. He counted in as he inhaled, holding it then breathing out slowly, using every trick his therapist had taught him. Gradually his heart beat slowed to match his breaths and he leaned against the counter, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t look in the mirror again.

He needed to do something to make himself indispensable, so they couldn’t take him away from his friend, something that meant he could protect him.

Cor had asked him once the year before if he’d consider joining the Crownsguard, but Ignis had dismissed the idea as ludicrous. He was a man of intelligence, or a teen of intelligence at any rate, how could he possibly be a fighter. But now, he started to seriously consider the idea.

He looked down at his thin, leggy frame, frowning. He wasn’t likely to be able wield a greatsword like Gladiolus, but there were other weapons. He thought about the Glaive, Nyx Ulric. He used Kukris, most of the natives from Galahd did. Very few used swords at all.

And they used Elemancy.

Ignis already knew most of the theory behind Elemancy having gone through it all with Noctis, helping him study, so he knew how to centre himself and the idea of how to draw on the magic. He knew about storing it in the spheres so they could be thrown at a target.

The more he contemplated it, the more he liked the idea.

He was beginning to gain a firm grasp of tactics, another area he was studying in order to be of more assistance. He would already be ahead of the curve.

Yes, he was going to do it.

Decision made, Ignis reached for his phone and called Cor.


	7. Shield and Hand

Training with the CrownsGuard changed Ignis’ physique. He was still tall and thin, but now there was a hint of muscle on his frame and he felt so much stronger. It also helped with his anxiety, giving him something else to focus on, having an outlet for excess energy when he could feel that familiar itch under his skin.

The Guard and Glaive began to look at him with a modicum of respect, less likely to tease him or sneer behind their hand about the nerdy Advisor. 

And Ignis found he had an aptitude for several different weapons, but pole arms and daggers were where he excelled. The range of the pole arm allowed for vaulting over his foe and sweeping their feet out from under them, whereas the daggers enabled close work where he was able to use the speed he hadn’t known he had to great advantage.

His training furthermore highlighted an aptitude for acrobatics.

And a penchant for being a touch showy with his moves.

Also there was the undeniable catharsis of leaping at a target and plunging his daggers in like some sort of homicidal maniac. It helped rid him of the excess energy that sometimes even masturbation didn’t.

Finally he started to feel competent at something other than books and being Noct’s trainee chamberlain. It was nice to feel stronger in this gangly body of his and even if he would never look the part, his protective instinct around Noct would be lessened. Maybe.

Training against Gladio had brought them to an uneasy peace. Ignis wasn’t entirely sure what he had done to garner the Shield’s respect, but it seemed he had it. There were no jibes about Ignis’ lack of skill, only quiet correction. And an explanation of what he’d been doing wrong.

Normally, the CrownsGuard recruits didn’t train with Gladiolus, instead receiving instruction from one of their own number, a more senior member, however, because of Ignis’ position and friendship with Noct it was deemed appropriate to have Gladio, Nyx and Cor supervise his training until he was fully inducted.

Then it got to the stage where Ignis was competent enough to train alongside Gladiolus rather than be trained by him, which he found to be an interesting development.

Being gifted intellectually was something he was somewhat used to without being conceited about it. Finding he was adept at something physical was a welcome change. _Excelling_ at a physical pursuit was mind boggling. At first. Then he began to take pride in it. Which is when the showy nature of his form came into play. At fifteen and almost six foot tall, he felt he was continually noticed for it, but in the training rooms he was simply an excellent student and his height assisted him. He had a reach that many did not and a speed that matched it. 

It all meant that he took it too far.

Dr Cadeus was very disappointed in the way he trained like a daemon, aching to achieve the type of muscle mass of Gladio. She told him that with his figure it was going to be nigh on impossible. Ignis took that to mean there was a slight chance, so he took it, working out until he almost collapsed.

Dr Cadeus took hold of his phone when he brandished it under her nose, peering down at the photo of the other young man. She shook her head, pursing her lips and Ignis knew he was in for another lecture about limitations.

“Ignis,” she said softly, handing the phone back with a grimace. “I am not one to sugarcoat things with you, that is one reason we work so well together, so I am not going to do that now. Your body will not tolerate it. That is why you are feeling so awful. You have to be moderate. Exercise is good for you and I can see it has helped your self esteem, however, if you want to achieve _that_ ,” she said, waving her hand at Ignis’ phone. “It’s not going to make you happy. Is this Gladio person flexible like you are, does he have your speed and agility?”

Ignis frowned, shaking his head. No, Gladiolus was more about brute strength. “No,” he answered eventually. He explained Gladio’s role to her, Dr Cadeus nodding thoughtfully.

“Does Noctis need only those with brute strength around him? Or will he require all different types of Guard?”

He scowled deeper, feeling she was using Noct against him. Petulant, he still had to concede she was getting him to think about it. Didn’t mean he had to like it, however.

“If you persist on this course you will either become sick, or you will lose what would make you a valuable Guard.” She sighed, “and not every one finds that sort of…physique attractive. I know you will argue with me over it, but I think that if you were to ease back a little, concentrate on your flexibility, you will find that your body will respond to that. You are already filling out, and you do have muscle.” She sat back, “you are tall and lithe, please don’t try and do that to yourself. You have the body of a gymnast or a swimmer. A lot of people find that to be very aesthetically pleasing.”

“But…”

She held up her hand, “no, don’t’, Ignis. Please do not make me contact the Citadel and make them reduce your hours in training. I have never done something like that with you, and I do not wish to start now. I am right about this. Take pride in the way your body works for you now, make it your strength, use that.”

The training room had become a familiar place, soothing almost every time Ignis entered. His mind would quiet as he slipped into each form, learning to asses and react to his opponent. As much as he disliked having to admit it, his therapist was right about his body as a tool. He would never achieve Gladio’s build and if he tried he’d lose what he had. Speed, dexterity, fluidity, the occasional homicidal leap.

There were times, becoming more and more frequent, when Gladio would stare at him, amber eyes wide and shocked, backing away like he was genuinely frightened.

After one such instance, the young Shield shook his head, yelling “I yield.” Sword dropped, hands in the air.

Ignis rolled his eyes and dismissed his daggers, “fine.”

Gladio scooped up his own weapon, frown on his face. “I think you and Noct should start training together. Give you a different challenge.”

Ignis startled, pushing his glasses up his nose to give him a moment to think. Noctis. Despite his age, he was a consummate warrior now. Ignis had _seen_ how Noct used his inherent magic and hard honed ability to confound his opponents. Going up against that might be fun. He glanced at Gladio, “you really think I am ready for that?”

“Yeah, more than ready,” Gladio answered, crossing his arms over his chest. “He needs to go up against someone with speed like yours. I refuse to warp, makes me fuckin’ sick as a dog, and I’m too slow to nab the bastard when he warps, so I think the pair of you would be a formidable match. And you’re gonna have to learn to work with him anyway.” He frowned, “you don’t know how to warp yet, do ya?”

Another adjustment of his glasses. “The Marshall wanted me to focus on not using it, so I won’t rely on it. I know how, I just…don’t.”

“Huh? So you can.” He leaned against the wall, waving his hand, “show me.”

Ignis pulled a dagger from the armiger, closing his eyes for a moment, then picked his target, throwing it at one of the training dummies on the far side of the room, and then he was beside it, leaving behind a flash of blue. He wrenched his dagger from the dummy and looked back at Gladio, “satisfied?”

“Not sick, doesn’t affect you?”

“Not particularly,” he shrugged. He threw the dagger at a spot a few feet from Gladio’s head and flashed across the room again. “Too many times in a row and I do feel a little queasy, but otherwise I am fine.”

“Lucky bastard,” Gladio mumbled, pulling out his phone. He put it to his ear, “Noct, yeah, change of plans, you’ll be up against Iggy today.”

When Noct arrived, Cor Leonis was right behind him.

Ignis had kept himself warm in the interim by going through forms, both with daggers and his polearm. When Noct called out to him from the door, looking excited at the prospect of sparring with him, Ignis couldn’t help but grin back.

As they faced each other, Noct with a slim sword in hand, Ignis with his daggers, Gladio and Cor watched intently.

Ignis made a few feints to test Noct’s reactions up close, assess what he needed to do in order to best him.

Noct was doing the exact same thing.

Ignis had thought Noct would be more impulsive, but he wasn’t. His blue eyes narrowed as he watched Ignis flip out of the way and again when Ignis spun. Their weapons clashed again and again, neither gaining the upper hand while they both assessed each others strengths. Parry, counter, retreat. Over and over.

Then it was on.

Ignis slid into what appeared to be a defensive stance, daggers in a reverse grip. When Noct bore down on his, Ignis shifted his weight and spun his daggers, striking out fast and deadly. Noct’s eyes widened as he dipped down out of the way.

“Shit,” Noct hissed when he was upright again. Then his grin turned feral, “so, don’t need to go easy on you.”

Ignis grinned right back, “please don’t.” This time he slid into an offensive stance. He crooked his fingers in a come hither motion, “do your worst.”

A flurry of limbs and a clash of metal had Noct and Ignis staring at each other through their crossed blades.

A stalemate.

Ignis’ mind worked at lightning speed, then decision made, he waited for Noct to attack. This time, just as their blades would have met, Ignis dropped into a split and swept his legs out from under him.

“One point, Ignis,” Cor called out.

When Ignis tried it again, Noct dove over his head and Ignis huffed when Noct’s sword pressed against his throat.

“One point, Noctis.”

Noct dropped when Ignis kicked on his daggers in his direction, rolling to come up to Ignis’ other dagger at his throat. The Prince hissed a curse.

“Two points, Ignis.”

Ignis went to kick again, this time Noct running directly at him and sliding under his raised leg, hand grabbing the one still planted on the floor, pulling him down as he went under him. Ignis landed on the floor with a whoosh of air from his lungs. Noct loomed over him, grinning wildly, the tip of his sword at Ignis’ throat again.

“Two points, Noctis.”

Their next encounter ended in another stalemate.

And the next.

But Noct hadn’t warped yet. When he did, Ignis tried to track his movement and predict where he would land, trying to be ready, but Noct had thought of that and spun out of the way when Ignis struck. He could feel that he was about to be taken down, so Ignis threw his dagger behind Noct and was gone.

They both stared at each other, panting with the exertion, then burst into a fit of giggles.

Cor clapped his hands, “I think we’ve seen enough. You two need to spar together more often.” He walked closer, “I think once you find a rhythm with each other you’ll be able to incorporate one anothers moves. You’re already almost there.” He clapped Noct on the shoulder, “you have your Shield, but now I think you just might have found your Hand.”

Ignis flushed. Hand. Hand of the King. He blinked at Cor in shock. “But…”

“Not yet, not for many years, hopefully, but when Noct takes the throne of Lucis, he’ll have a Hand. Someone who not only functions as his Advisor but can protect and fight with him when he needs it. Gladio will be his first line of defense, you will be the last wall to break through.”

Gladio grinned at him, “nice, there’s not been a Hand for years.”

Noct’s eyes were shining when Ignis looked over to him, still too shocked to speak. Never in a million years could he have thought of that.

“Perfect,” Noct murmured.

The outing was meant to be a simple one, Ignis and Gladio accompanying Noct for an afternoon in the city.

Then the drunk had stumbled into Noctis, bleary eyes narrowing as he stared at the Prince, widening when recognition hit him.

The moment the bottle of beer the drunk was holding smashed against a table, everything slowed down. Gladio slid into place in front of Noct and Ignis, living up to his role as Shield, and Ignis grabbed hold of Noct, spinning them both as he wrapped his arms around him, ducking them both down, his back creating a barrier.

There was a brief struggle behind them, a harsh grunt from Gladio, a shriek of pain from the drunk and then all Ignis could hear was rapid, breathing. Noct looked up at him, crouched on the floor, clinging to him, blue eyes wide.

“Are you alright?” Ignis asked softly. Noct nodded, so Ignis uncurled and helped Noct to his feet. When he turned, keeping Noct behind him, he found Gladio holding the drunk, pinning his arms to his sides. Then Ignis saw the blood. Gladio’s eyebrow was sliced down the centre, a corresponding wound down his cheek, blood dripping from his chin. But he was grinning.

“Shield and Hand, Iggy,” Gladio rasped.

Oh. _Oh_. Ignis hadn’t even thought, he’d just acted, needing to keep Noct from harm, no thought of his own safety. He also knew with total clarity, that had Gladio gone down, he would have done whatever he could to ensure Noct got away.

“Gladio, are you alright?” he asked, fishing his phone from his pocket.

Gladio chuckled, “yeah, I’m fine.”

“You’re bleeding!” Noct tried to push past Ignis to get a better look, but Ignis held firm.

Ignis contacted Cor and soon enough several Glaive and Guard came to take the drunk away and restore order. Then Ignis tended Gladio’s wound, pressing a clean handkerchief to his face while Noct was whisked away and taken back to the Citadel.

Cor found Ignis later, elbows on his knees outside Gladio’s hospital room, pale and shaken. He knelt down in front of him, smiling up into Ignis face, “you did well, kid.” His grin grew wider, disconcerting Ignis further. “Told you, Hand.”

Ignis sat back, covering his face and laughing hysterically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little less angst to lighten the load.  
> About Ignis being Noct's Hand. I think it was referenced somewhere, but I might be projecting, lol, anyway I think it's a perfect melding of all his roles. It might have come from the chapter in the game 'Heart of the King' in Fodina Caestino, but then, who knows how my mind works. I have given him the role of Hand before a few times.


	8. Argentum

When Ignis entered Noct’s new apartment, he found a little blonde sitting on the couch with the Prince, both of them engrossed in their phone screens, muttering to each other as they tapped away. It was the first time Ignis had seen Noct bring someone home with him. He’d only been in the apartment Regis found for him for a few months, but still. There was an odd person in his space. It made Ignis feel odd.

Ignis stood at the kitchen counter, quietly placing down the bags of groceries he’d purchased and observed the interloper.

Shock of oddly styled blonde hair, sunshine blonde, freckles that Ignis could make out from where he was, skinny, small, band around one wrist.

Ahh. He must be Prompto.

Noct had been mentioning him every so often when he picked him up from school. He’d even asked if Ignis could make an extra lunch for him as he was impressed with the ones Noct took to school.

It had to be him. There was no one else Noct spoke about.

He watched them interact, something weird twisting his gut. They seemed…close. Noct was relaxed and smiling, his friend joking and treating him very casually.

“Hey! That’s not fair, you cheated,” the boy Ignis assumed was Prompto groused, nudging Noct.

Noct smirked right back, “nah, you’re just shit at this.”

“Am not!”

“Obviously you are,” Noct shot back, pushing at his shoulder.

A push back and then the pair were shoving at each other, yelling insults, but laughing the whole time. Ignis stared at the ensuing wrestling match bemused. Then bright blue, almost violet eyes found his and the blonde went still, poking at Noct’s arm as he loomed over him.

Noct’s head twisted to see what he was looking at and spotted Ignis, standing in the kitchen like a statue. He scrambled off the other boy, brushing down his clothes, then scratching the back of his head, thoroughly embarrassed.

“Uh…hi, Speccy.”

Ignis swallowed down the irrational ire burning in him, “hello.”

The blonde cringed and seemed to shrink in on himself, rising to stand slightly behind Noct.

“Um, Speccy, this is Prompto, Prompto this is Ignis,” Noct said by way of introduction.

Ignis remembered his manners, dipping his head a little, “hello, Prompto, pleased to meet you.” He moved closer to shake the boy’s hand, perturbed when Prompto slid further behind Noct as if afraid.

“Uh, yeah, hi, p…pleased to meet you too.”

Noct rolled his eyes and grabbed the blonde, shoving him forward, “he won’t bite, Prom.” When Prompto didn’t move, as if he were frozen to the spot, Noct sighed and went to Ignis himself, “did the test go ok?”

Turning his attention to his Prince, Ignis smiled, “yes, fully licensed now. I’ve been issued with a car from the Citadel pool and all the insurance has been handled. I’ll be able to drive you anywhere you please, not just to school and back. The dispensation for my age went through without a hitch with your father’s signature.”

“Awesome,” Noct grinned, visualising trips to the wall. He twisted his head to grin at Prompto, “Ignis just got his full driver’s license without having to wait so long.”

Prompto frowned a little, “um, aren’t you , like twenty, or something?”

Ignis was taken aback, “no, I just turned seventeen.” He glanced down at himself, grimacing internally. He supposed he _did_ dress like someone older.

“Shit, sorry, man, I didn’t mean…shit…” His eyes went wide, “you’re fully licensed? But…like, don’t you need to be over eighteen to get a full license?”

“In general yes, however I was put through some intensive driving courses so I can function as Noct’s driver, and his father gave me a dispensation to get it early.”

“Oh, ok, cool.” Prompto hopped from foot to foot nervously, his freckles standing out against pale skin.

Noct scowled, “I still have to wait six months before I can get my learner’s permit.” He shot Ignis a grin, “was the course fun?”

Ignis huffed, “I am not sure fun is the right word.” He bit his lip, leaning in a little, “but the handbrake turns were rather exhilarating to pull off.”

Noct grabbed his arm, “can you do those fancy 180’s in to a parking space? You know, like in the movies?” He demonstrated with his hand, gesturing wildly.

“Those are stunts, Noct. However, if the occasion called for it, yes, though I doubt it would be necessary. It would be more useful in evading the media and so on. The courses concentrated on driving at high speed safely through traffic.”

Noct sat himself on one of the stools at the kitchen counter, leaning on an elbow, “how did Gladio do?”

Ignis smothered a laugh with his hand, “he managed his provisional license, so he _can_ drive, but he failed the intensive sections. Badly.”

Noct ducked his head to hide his laugh at that. He looked over at Prompto standing awkwardly, “Gladio is really, really bad behind the wheel. Watching him try to parallel park is kinda sad. I refuse to let him drive me anywhere.”

“Wow,” Prompto breathed out. “Is he really that bad?”

“Worse,” Noct snickered. “Reversing has him all flustered, which makes it harder for him to do, and he drives like he’s waiting to get crashed into every second, looks like he’s gonna crush the steering wheel in his hands he’s holding it so tight. He forgets which gear he’s in when he goes around corners and stalls the car in the middle of the street.”

“He’s the one who called me Chocobo butt, right? The big guy?”

Ignis backed away from the conversation, listening distractedly to them chatter as he started preparing Noct’s evening meal until the Prince broke through is thoughts.

“Do you mind making extra, Speccy? Prom’s gonna stay.”

For some reason, Ignis felt irrationally annoyed at that.

Prompto became a constant fixture in Noct’s apartment after that, there most nights until late and then insisting on catching a bus home. Whenever Ignis offered to drive him he would refuse, eyes downcast.

He was there so often Ignis became concerned about the boy’s home life. He was skittish and shy, low self esteem, only coming to life when he was playing games with Noct.

“Noct, is it alright for Prompto to be here so much and so late, surely his parents worry about where he is?” Ignis flicked his gaze to see Noct’s lips twist, wry.

“They’re not home much, he’s…lonely, I think. And shy.” Noct crossed to the kitchen, watching Ignis slice vegetables in disgust. “We’ve been in the same class for years, but I never really noticed him. He was really chubby until the start of this year, got himself contacts, then he felt brave enough to talk to me. He’s a bit…weird about some things, but he’s cool.”

“Contacts? Is that why his eyes are that unusual colour?”

Noct shook his head, “nah, saw them when he was putting them in one morning before school, same colour. He wears them all the time, hates his glasses, he said. He hadn’t put them in that morning before school coz he was running late, had to go get groceries for himself.”

“Groceries? He’s purchasing groceries for himself? Are his parents home that little?” That thought made Ignis distinctly uncomfortable. Noct was the same age and lived alone, but Ignis was with him almost all the time, and cooked for him and the multitude of other things he found himself just doing.

Noct frowned, “he seems used to it, learned to cook for himself, said that he used to be so fat because he ate junk all the time. I think that’s why he likes your lunches and cooking so much, it’s healthy and better than what he makes.”

Ignis rounded the counter and sat next to Noct, “do they provide for him at all?”

“He shuts down and says he’s gotta go whenever I bring up anything about them. The stuff I do know, he’s just let out in the middle of other conversations, like, by accident. Like he wasn’t thinking, then he changes the subject as soon as he realises.”

He sighed softly. “Have you seen any evidence of abuse? Bruises, and so on?”

“No, the ones I’ve seen on him, I’ve seen him inflict on himself, like running into shit.” He chuckled ruefully, “give him a camera or something mechanical and he just seems to know how it works, but he’s forever bouncing around and falling over, or he’ll spin around and run into stuff. He’s a clutz unless he’s running and he does that a lot. I think he’s scared of getting fat again.”

Hmmm. Neglect most likely, but possibly not outright abuse, expect maybe the emotional kind. And the boy’s low self esteem was almost on par with his own. But Prompto had done something about that, trying to better himself.

The weird fluttery sensation in his belly when he was around Noct hadn’t eased. If anything, it had increased much to Ignis’ growing consternation. As had the ire when Prompto was around, which was a great deal. Admittedly that was partly Ignis’ own fault as he had insisted that Prompto eat with them most nights.

The fact that Ignis was now in charge of Noct’s household and was beginning to act as his Advisor created a new tension between them. Noct resented it, that much was obvious. When Ignis had to insist that Noct do something and Noct didn’t want to, silence would reign in the apartment. Noct sulking was nothing knew, but it hadn’t really ever been direct at Ignis before.

But what truly grated on Ignis’ nerves was the fact that Prompto, usually oblivious Prompto, picked up on the tension and attempted to make light of things, little jokes that fell flat, awkward laughter when Ignis glared at him.

However cold and indifferent Ignis acted, Prompto ignored it.

He was like an excitable puppy, complete with eyes that pleaded with Ignis, wide and that vibrant violet tinged blue.

Guilt was what Ignis felt when he thought about Prompto of a night after leaving Noct’s apartment. And confusion. The boy was simply baffling. He kept his history to himself, laughed off questions in that nervous way of his, vanished of a night, often slipping out the door before Ignis could even offer to drive him home.

Plainly Ignis made the boy fidget, rubbing at his wrist, eyes on the floor.

Ignis would watch, utterly baffled, as Prompto and Noct had conversations without even speaking in full sentences.

“Go on,” Prompto whispered, still loud enough for Ignis to hear him from the kitchen. He rolled his eyes where neither of them could see. Prompto didn’t quite grasp the concept of whispering.

“Nope,” Noct shot back.

“Noct,” Prompto wheedled.

“Nope.”

A high pitched whine from the blonde, “why?” A tense silence reigned for a moment. Ignis could visualise the glare that had been shot Prompto’s way. “Scaredy Cat.”

Noct huffed, “yep.”

Ignis had had enough of the cryptic conversation, had enough of feeling left out, at least for the night. For the first time since he began cooking for Noctis, he plated two meals and gathered his things without a word. He had a feeling neither of them would notice he’d gone.

By the time he got to his car, his face was streaked with tears and he didn’t quite know why.


	9. Pangs and Pastries

As he approached eighteen and then by passed it, Ignis learned a few things.

One; his intelligence was valued. He studied hard to make sure that would never be called into question. He took extra classes on top of his already heavy load, adding tactician to his repertoire. Culinary classes to aid in his never ending attempt to get Noctis to eat at least something healthy. And every report he was handed to pass to the Prince, Ignis studied carefully, making precise notes in the margins.

Two; clothes make the man. After assessing his dismal wardrobe one day, he’d made a decision that if he was going to be thought a nerd, he would be the best dressed nerd he could possibly be. With his Crownsguard training going reasonably well, he felt his flexibility could be an asset, even if he would never achieve the kind of muscle mass that Gladio seemed to come by naturally. He conceded to his therapist about that in the end. He garnered several curious looks when he entered the Citadel in his new clothes, smart tailored pants, shirts of sumptuous fabrics with prints in place of the stiff plain white ones he’d worn before and several different pairs of shoes and boots with embellished details. No more vests. He was still wearing the same thick frames as before, but he’d been considering changing them out for a more modern fashionable pair with slim frames. He hadn’t yet because that still felt like a step too far in exposing his face, but at least now, he didn’t stand out as dowdy. Having a few staff members comment favourably on his change of wardrobe lifted his spirits somewhat. And his therapist approved of the change as he told her he now felt more comfortable.

Then he discovered makeup and he rejoiced about covering his acne scars. However, the joy was short lived when it caused him to break out, his therapist, Dr. Cadeus explaining his skin couldn’t take being slathered in foundation and concealer and powder. Just a little was alright, but going overboard was going to make his skin worse than he thought it was. So he backed it off a bit and noticed a difference almost immediately. The desire to cake it on was still there, but the threat of more breakouts held him in check. Discovering how mascara made his lashes so much darker and longer was nice, and he figured that couldn’t really hurt. Dr. Cadeus conceded that mascara wasn’t too much, provided he removed it all to sleep.

When he spoke about having surgery to get rid of the bump in his nose, she shut him down instantly. He called her a bitch that day, but apologised at his next session. That had been very rude and he regretted it almost the moment it came out of his mouth. He was lucky she was understanding. They had discussed at length how surgery to fix what he perceived to be a problem wouldn’t solve the underlying issue, that it could lead to more and more surgery and become an never ending cycle.

Three; he was very, very gay. That revelation had come on rather suddenly when he arrived early to pick Noct up from a sparring session with Gladio. He’d frozen when he opened the door to spot Noct lifting his t-shirt to wipe his sweaty face, exposing the flat line of his stomach, a hint of abdominal muscles starting to appear. All at once, his pants felt too tight, his face flushed and his heart racing. Then Noct noticed him and flashed him a grin and Ignis’ knees felt weak. In hindsight, he should have realised a lot sooner. Not one single crush on a girl in sight. And that weird fluttery feeling around Noct. 

Noct was no longer simply pretty. He was beautiful, stunning and very much completely unaware of Ignis’ gay crisis.

After that, Ignis could not stop noticing how his best friend was turning into a gorgeous man. While every one else seemed to consider Noct apathetic and lazy, Ignis saw the kindness and maturity. And though he was shy around people he didn’t know, with Ignis he was open, teasing, playful. Or, he had been.

It all made Ignis fall deeply and irrevocably in love with his Prince. Or rather, fall harder. It was ridiculous. And utterly impossible. Noct was so far above him, so completely out of reach even if he had felt the same, but Ignis was very sure that he didn’t. Why would he? And they had never even discussed Noct’s preferences, as if that were relevant in the slightest.

While Ignis still considered Noctis his best friend, he wasn’t at all sure that the Prince still felt the same way. Things had been rather strained between them for a while, the pair hardly conversing about anything personal, Ignis’ duties and new roles as part of Noct’s retinue coming between them and creating a divide that he couldn’t seem to bridge. Add into the mix the fact that Ignis had to be the one to badger the Prince into fulfilling his duties and impressing on him the importance of appearances, well, to say it resulted in conflict was an understatement.

Noct didn’t exactly fight him on everything. Instead, the Prince would retreat into silence and simply refuse to do anything that was asked of him.

Ignis loathed it.

He missed the easy familiar way they had spoken, the way they had known what the other was thinking, could finish each others sentences.

Now, Ignis was lucky to receive a grunt in reply.

That changed only after a devastating fight between them that devolved into Noct screaming at him to get out of his apartment. Ignis fled, heart racing, sitting in his car to cry. He had no idea what to do, whether he was even welcome anymore, whether he had lost his friend. It was their first fight ever.

He was still Noct’s trainee chamberlain, so he would see him, but it wasn’t enough. He had to make things up to his friend. He didn’t even want to consider Noct asking for a new trainee before Ignis could be inducted properly. Then he’d lose him forever.

“You need a plan to show him you care, Ignis,” his therapist said when he told her about the ensuing panic attack and his desire to have his friend back. “He’s important to you, show him that, I’m sure it will work out.”

A plan, yes, a plan. Having a plan always helped him to focus.

As Ignis’ duties increased he learned something very interesting about himself.

He thrived on a certain type of stress. He was still anxious, but that was almost exclusively about personal matters. When faced with a deadline or a particularly knotty problem as a result of Noct spending too much out of his weekly budget or making a promise to attend something that clashed with a royal engagement, Ignis found his brain worked at a frightening speed, assessing and discarding possibilities. He could be completely analytical and removed from the situation. Cool and composed. At least externally. 

So, he had thought coming up with a plan to show Noct that he cared about him as more than a job, and still as a friend, his mind turned flitted through various schemes, sure it would be easy. It wasn’t. Nothing was good enough, personal enough. He _loved_ Noct, though he’d never tell him, he had to do something to make things right between them.

The fact that it was so personal, so important to Ignis, made the task far more nerve inducing.

It _had_ to be something that would immediately say to Noct that he wasn’t the Prince in this, that Ignis saw his friend.

The fight had been absolutely awful. Gut wrenching. Noct had been morose after his finals for highschool, sinking into a depression, his apartment a shambles that Ignis had to clean. Noct had never been particularly tidy, yet during his last finals, the apartment had been abysmal. He was frustrated and confused. Noct was a good student, he shouldn’t concerned about his grades. Then he had moved some comics of Noct’s from where they had been and Noct snapped.

Well and truly snapped.

It was a reaction far beyond what it warranted and the force of it left Ignis gaping in shock.

“Get out! _GET OUT!_ Leave me alone!”

The shouted words had stung, as had the absolute fury behind them. Noct had _never_ spoken to him that way. He had fled, the words ringing in his ears, straight to the solitude of his car. The moment the door shut and enclosed him in the safety of the small space, Ignis broke down, hot tears running down his cheeks, great hiccuping breaths echoing around him. He crossed his wrists over the steering wheel and sobbed brokenly, not noticing the signs of the panic attack that hit him. Not until it was too late.

He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t breathe…

Hands shaking, body trembling, eyes darting around himself. Heart pounding.

Ignis clasped his head, wanting to tear his hair out.

Something he could see. The Glaive standing by the garage door.

Something he could feel. The supple slightly worn leather of the steering wheel under his palms.

Something he could smell. The stench of his panic tinged sweat. No, no, the air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. Pine.

Something he could hear. The muffled creak of the garage door as it opened.

He breathed in for five beats then released it slowly, repeating his rituals until his heart beat slowed to match the forced breaths.

Once he felt sufficiently under control, he called his therapist.

He latched onto her idea of a plan like a life line. Only thus far he’d not come up with anything and Noct was sullen and silent when Ignis moved about his apartment, careful about what he moved or touched.

Then Gladio provided a little insight. The Young Shield had been experiencing much the same thing with the Prince, however, Gladio was much more ambivalent about the behaviour, their relationship being a volatile one from the very beginning. But he did say one thing that Ignis focused on.

Regis was showing signs of getting weaker and Noct had not known how bad it was.

Not until he was leaving school and saw his father on one of the big screens around the city. Using his cane and obviously hobbling.

That had been the day he’d blown up at Ignis. Compacted by the fact that Regis had canceled on his son, yet again.

“Oh, Noct,” Ignis whispered to himself. He knew how confused and hurt Noct must have been feeling, was likely _still_ feeling. On a day he should have been elated about finishing highschool, it had all gone wrong with a reminder that his father was failing and that Noct would be without him, thrust into the spotlight he had never wanted.

Ignis could even understand why Regis had hidden his declining health from his son, let him go to school with other kids, let him have his own apartment away from the Citadel and the intense focus around it, let his son take a menial job. However, that paled when he though how much Noct needed his father, needed the truth.

The idea came in a blinding flash. And once he thought of it, nothing else seemed good enough. Noct had been out and Ignis had tidied the Prince’s home with the same extreme care he’d been taking since their fight, making sure Noct had a meal ready for when he came back, though he was unlikely to eat it.

He spotted the notebook that Noct and Lady Lunafreya sent back and forth.

Lunafreya. Tenebrae. The pastries Noct had raved about when he came back. The pastries that he had mentioned several times over the years.

Pastries Ignis could do. He could make them for Noct, recreate the recipe. It was very personal, something a friend would do to cheer up another.

He called his mother for several different pastry recipes, then he hunted down someone who had lived in Tenebrae and might know what the filling had been. Tart, but sweet was what he remembered Noct telling him. There was nothing specific online, and the chefs in the Citadel kitchens weren’t sure either.

“Berries,” the old man from Tenebrae told him. “I remember a pastry with berries. Honey glaze. It was sweet with that bite of tartness. Haven’t had one here.”

“Do you remember what sort of berries?” Ignis asked urgently. “Or the type of pastry for the base?”

The old man shook his head, “no sorry.” Ignis fought down his disappointment at not getting a more precise answer.

At least Ignis had something to work with. A tart berry with a honey glaze. He worked feverishly for two days, experimenting and discarding what he deemed to be failures, settling on a flaky pastry base and raspberries in the filling.

Noct was laying on his couch with his back to the world when Ignis entered, box with the offering securely in hand. He called out a greeting, getting a grunt in response. When he plated the pastries and set them on the coffee table for Noct, the Prince rolled over, his eyes widening as he spotted the plate.

Blue eyes flitted between plate and Ignis, his mouth dropping open.

“Is that what I think it is?”

Ignis bit his lip, hope fluttering in his chest. It was the most Noct had said to him for days and days. “I hope so,” he said softly. “I could not find the recipe, or what berry was in the ones you remember, but I…I tried.”

“Why?” Noct murmured.

“Because you liked them,” Ignis answered simply.

Noct’s eyes snapped back to Ignis’, shame and confusion colouring them. Ignis leaned forward, nudging the plate closer, urging Noct to try one and give his verdict.

Noct took one, chewing slowly, eyes closed. When he swallowed and opened his eyes again, there was a slight smile on his face, “close, I think, but not quite.”

Ignis frowned, “drat.” He glared at the plate as if it offended him, which quite frankly, at that moment it did. He’d failed. “Perhaps a different berry, or another type of pastry.” _Gods, that sounded desperate_.

“Ignis, it’s ok,” Noct said quietly, smile widening. 

He sighed, hope for fixing things vanishing. It wasn’t ok, nothing was ok. “But I wanted to make the ones you remembered.”

“These are really good,” Noct told him, taking another bite. “And it doesn’t matter that they aren’t quite like those ones. You made these for me.” He pushed the plate towards Ignis, “have some with me?”

Ignis blinked, then pushed his glasses up his nose, looking from the plate to Noct, “really?”

Noct nodded, cheeks turning pink, ducking his head, “yeah, really.”


	10. Pledge and Oath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some of you might have noticed a few additional tags. I added them now, because we are getting closer, still a few chapters away, but if you squint, it's in the distance, lol. It's always been tagged explicit, and in my very first note I mentioned the fact it's VERY rare for me to write IgNoct without the smut and that I would be including it later, so if you've got this far and don't want to read that, well, it's kinda your own fault, lol. If you're like the rest of my readers and know this to be true, high five to you, we're almost there.  
> The next chapter is complete, but after that, it's a little disjointed again. I am filling in gaps in successive chapters rather than jump ahead too much, but sometimes the muse takes me where it takes me.  
> <3 Laz

Since Prompto had become friends with Noct, Friday nights at his apartment almost always meant game night for the pair. Ignis had mostly left them to it, still cooking something that was at least generally healthy for his Prince to eat, though not surprised to learn that he and Prompto often ordered take out and ignored what he’d made, his dish stuffed into the fridge. Though, Noct would heat it up the next day, so Ignis accommodated for that after the first few times.

He still felt a little left out, more than a little at times, but Noct deserved to have more friends than just him and since they had made up things were much better than they’d been before. Not quite the closeness of childhood, but Ignis supposed that was to be expected. They’d grown up.

Ignis’ feelings for Noct didn’t enter the equation. Noct was never going to know, so it wasn’t pertinent. That was what Ignis told himself. He also told himself that he was content pining from afar.

Standing in Noct’s kitchen, Ignis covered the gravy boat so that a skin wouldn’t form and set it aside while he plated up the roast chicken he’d made and prepared to cover that too, making an extra serving so Noct had plenty and wouldn’t be only consuming junk before he returned on Monday.

Most weekends he went to his parents for a visit and recharge, enjoying the relaxed atmosphere and the lack of rush, utilising the bath in his old bathroom to soak in and just let everything melt away. He always felt so much better when he returned to the Citadel after a weekend at home.

“Hey,” Noct mumbled, leaning over the counter to watch what Ignis was doing.

“Hey, yourself,” Ignis sent back with a smile as he reached for the cling wrap.

“What are you doing?”

“Making sure you have something nutritious for the weekend, Noct. I know you and Prompto will order in later.” He gave Noct an indulgent grin, but it slid from his lips at Noct’s frown. _Oh dear_. Somehow, something was wrong. He winced internally, had he done something to upset him?

“No, I meant, why do you always leave? Why don’t you stay with us?” Noct shifted from foot to foot, scratching the back of his head in what Ignis knew was a nervous gesture.

Ignis was dumbfounded. He hadn’t thought Noct wanted him there so he hadn’t even bothered asking about staying. Miscalculated. The cling wrap dropped to the counter as Ignis’ mind raced. Noct wanted him to stay?

“Oh, I…” He floundered, at a total loss as to what to do. _Don’t panic, Ignis. He’s just extending an olive branch like you did with the pastries_. 

“You didn’t think you were welcome, did you?” Noct chewed his lip as Ignis vacillated in his head. “You are, Speccy. Unless, you don’t want to be here.”

Ignis’ head shot up, his neck protesting the action with a twinge. His hand flew up to rub the muscle as he tried to get his brain to work. “I just thought that…I thought you and Prompto wouldn’t need me here.”

Noct’s eyes found his, locking in place, “we don’t need you here.” Ignis heart sank. “We _want_ you here. I want you here, if you want to.” A lot of ‘wants’ in that little speech, but Ignis latched onto the words like a lifeline. Noct’s cheeks flushed, turning his head away, “I mean, we’re friends, right? Friends do this sort of stuff, and we used to hang out all the time.” Blue met green, “I miss it,” he added in a whisper.

“I do too,” Ignis said just as quietly. Their eyes stayed fixed on each other, and Ignis felt as if something had shifted between them, but he wasn’t able to discern what it was, feeling a warmth suffusing his cheeks.

“Prom’s gotta go out for a bit, so why don’t we eat together,” Noct suggested. “He’ll join us again later and then we’ll eat the bad stuff,” he added with a glint in his eyes. He wiggled his eyebrows under his fringe, “I’ll teach you to play, bet you’ll whip Prom’s butt.”

Ignis couldn’t help but snort at that. Then covered his mouth, utterly embarrassed the undignified noise had left him. But Noct laughed at him which melted away any lingering doubt. Noct wanted him there.

“Kinda missed that too,” Noct chuckled.

“You did not, it’s awful,” Ignis shot back, lips curling into a full, genuine smile, teeth and all. _This_ , this what was he missed. The easiness, the comfortable banter between them, just being around Noct and not having to fuss. All the anxiety of the last weeks and months, even after the pastry offering, just vanished, leaving Ignis light-hearted and happy. Noct was trying to fix things in his own way.

It showed in how easy they were after Prompto departed with a wave and they sat down together to eat, Ignis giggling as Noct told him how he’d managed to put Gladio on his ass at training. They were still in league in the desire to show the trainee Shield up.

Ignis covered his mouth to hide his large grin, “he’s having a bad week then. I _wiped the floor_ with him twice this week. The Marshal even cracked a smile.”

Noct was the one to snort this time, “did you get a photo? No-one would believe that.”

Ignis smirked, “as a matter of fact, I did.” He pulled his phone from his pocket triumphantly and found the photo, brandishing it Noct’s face with a flourish.

Noct grabbed it and gaped, “woah, he _did_ smile. It looks a bit weird.” He handed the phone back, shaking his head ruefully, “now, I kinda want to make that happen too.”

Ignis leaned on his elbow, conspiratorial, “what say you to a competition?”

Noct warmed to the idea, leaning forward too, the pair grinning at each other like gremlins. “Nice. The one with the most photographic evidence of Cor smiling because they’ve put Gladio on his ass wins.”

Ignis snickered gleefully, “what about including Nyx Ulric too. Cor always enjoys it when the Hero gets beaten.”

“Oh, you’re on!” Noct exclaimed. “Smug bastards. This is gonna be fun.” His grin turned devious, “if I win, no coffee for you for a whole day.”

Oh, now that was diabolical.

Ignis narrowed his eyes at Noct, pushing his glasses up his nose nonchalantly, “and if I win, you have to eat beans.” Equally diabolical.

Noct’s hand was warm against his as they shook to seal their deal.

Gladio sunk next to Ignis in the training room, wiping sweat from his forehead, “what the fuck is goin’ on with him?” he asked, breath coming in pants as he nodded in Noct’s direction, the Prince circling Nyx Ulric in the centre of the room while Cor looked on.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” Ignis drawled with a serene smile.

Gladio raised his thick brows, “yeah, that’s not suspicious at all,” he grumbled, reaching for a towel to wipe his face. “He’s been like a daemon lately.”

“Oh?” Ignis affected an innocent tone. It wouldn’t do to alert the Shield to the competition between he and Noct. “I would think you would be pleased he’s applying himself so diligently, unless, of course, your ego is damaged.”

“Asshole,” Gladio snarled without any heat.

“Behemoth,” Ignis rejoined playfully, his eyes never straying from Noct in the centre, only flicking to observe Cor occasionally. Checking for the elusive grin. Phone at the ready.

“You two are training together more, and watching when the other spars with someone else, what gives?”

Ignis hummed, “we have been developing some joint take-downs. It helps us to observe how the other moves from a distance so we may adjust accordingly.” Partially true, but it was also so they could capture Cor smiling if it happened. It was a fair competition, neither even considering welching on taking photographic evidence for the other.

“Drat,” Ignis whispered as Cor threw back his head and _laughed_ as Nyx glared at the Marshal from the floor, Noct thrusting his fist in the air with glee. Ignis had his phone at the ready, snapping the picture behind his bent knee so Gladio wouldn’t see, then attaching a note to the photo. _Nyx Ulric - Noct - two points._

The running total was pretty level, Noct having a fire in his eyes and it had translated to him applying himself more than usual. Ignis had been a point ahead before Cor laughed, now Noct was in front.

He took another stealthy photo of Noct still celebrating, but that he stored in a different folder.

Ignis stood ramrod straight, staring ahead in a line of CrownsGuard recruits for their official induction ceremony. He tried to keep his eyes trained on the stairs of the throne room, tried to ignore the fact he could see Noct in his periphery.

As usual, that was a monumental failure.

A discrete smoothing of his new uniform, an effort to distract himself from glancing at Noct. When that didn’t work, predictably, Ignis turned to thinking about the paperwork, making sure he’d filled it all out correctly, then ran through his oath of allegiance.

He and Gladio were at the end of the long line, listening to the others pledge themselves to the Crown and to Regis. Gladio had already sworn his oath as Shield, a quiet ceremony with Clarus presenting his son with his new broadsword. The new Shield had been rather puffed up with pride the whole duration, Noct rather ruining it when he smacked Gladio on the back.

The line shuffled as another recruit was inducted, down on one knee, fist to chest, reciting the words. Regis nodded to the new inductee and the line moved on again.

Cor called out the next name and the line shuffled forward yet again.

“Gladiolus Amicitia, Shield of the Prince,” Cor’s voice rang out. 

Gladio shot him a quick smile, leaving Ignis standing alone as he stepped forward. Noct replaced Regis at the foot of the steps. Ignis blinked at that. That was not what the others had gone through. They’d all sworn to Regis.

“Gladiolus Amicitia,” Noct said, his voice rising to carry through the throne room. “Do you hereby swear to uphold your duty as Shield and CrownsGuard?”

“I do,” Gladio answered. He went down on his knee, broadsword at his feet, fist over his chest, head bent. “I, Gladiolus Amicitia, of the line Amicitia, swear to serve, protect and obey. I pledge my life and allegiance to the Crown and to Lucis as Shield and as CrownsGuard. My body to serve, my sword to protect, my heart to obey as long as I live. In faith and honesty, I do so pledge…” he faltered a moment as Regis gestured to Noctis. “To Noctis Lucis Caelum, as my Prince and future King.”

Ignis blinked again, unable to refrain from the urge to push his glasses up. Gladio hadn’t sworn to Regis as the current king, but to Noct personally.

“I accept your pledge and oath, Gladiolus Amicitia, you may rise.” Noct smiled at Gladio and the Shield rose, taking his place slightly apart from the other Guard.

“Ignis Scientia, Chamberlain, Advisor, CrownsGuard and future Hand to the Prince,” Cor called.

It was only years of training that forced Ignis forward at that. They had added the title of Hand without telling him. There was a murmur through the throne room as he stepped forward. He stopped a few paces from Noctis and waited.

Noct grinned at him, knowing Ignis was off kilter.

Regis smiled, “here’s one that probably need not pledge.”

Noct rolled his eyes, hissing at his father to shut it. Then he straightened his spine and took a deep breath, “Ignis Scientia, do you hereby swear to uphold your duty as Chamberlain, Advisor, CrownsGuard and future Hand?”

Ignis stared at Noct helplessly, so regal in his suit. “I do,” he replied softly. He cleared his throat, “I do,” he said louder. He slid to one knee, pressed his fist to his chest and bent his head, utterly flustered as he tried to remember to add the new title to his recitation. And make sure to name Noct not Regis. “I, Ignis Scientia, of the line Scientia, swear to serve, protect and obey. I pledge my life and allegiance to the Crown and to Lucis as Chamberlain, Advisor, CrownsGuard and…” he recited, glancing at Noct briefly. “Future Hand,” he added when Noct nodded at him. “My body to serve, my blades to protect, my heart to obey as long as I live. In faith and honesty, I do so pledge to Noctis Lucis Caelum, as my Prince and future King.” He couldn’t hold back the complete sincerity from his voice, nor the fact it meant more than he could say that he was pledging directly to Noct. With his whole heart.

“I accept your pledge and oath, Ignis Scientia, you may rise.” Noct’s voice was just as unsteady as Ignis’ had been. “Thank you, Speccy,” he whispered as Ignis rose and walked carefully to his place beside Gladio.

“They didn’t tell you?” Gladio muttered out of the corner of his mouth as Cor finished off the ceremony.

“No, they bloody well didn’t,” Ignis hissed back.

“Yeah, didn’t think so, you went white as a sheet.”

“I do wish I had been warned,” Ignis said as he paced back and forth in Noct’s apartment about an hour after the ceremony. He was still in his uniform, the new leather creaking as he moved, tails of his coat flaring out behind him.

“I’m sorry,” Noct said softly. “Dad sprung it on me too, said he thought it was better that I start having my own Guard pledge directly to me rather than him, then he said I should add the Hand in there…” he trailed off as Ignis plonked gracelessly down on the couch. “He said something about not wanting there to be any doubt as to your roles.”

That gave Ignis pause. Why would it need clarifying that way? He took a deep breath to calm himself. “It’s alright, Noct. I was just taken unawares. I like to be prepared.” He glanced at Noct looking at him, concerned. “I do hope I didn’t appear foolish.”

Noct shook his head, “no, you didn’t. You were sincere, not just reciting words,” he said quietly, pink colouring his cheeks.

“They weren’t just words, I meant them.”

“I know.” Noct averted his gaze, digging into his pocket and pulling out a small box. He fiddled with it for a moment, then looked up at Ignis again, “so, I have something for you. To mark the occasion and to say thank you.” He thrust the little box at Ignis. “It’s…there’s a tradition that the King gives his Hand a token to wear, so…yeah, I got you that.”

Ignis took the proffered box, “I am not Hand yet, Noct, but thank you.” He removed the lid to find a little skull on a silver chain. He glanced at Noct again, “oh, Noct, it’s lovely.”

“It’s adamantite for strength, forged in fire for warmth…like, for your name, and a skull because…Lucis,” he rambled, scratching the back of his head.

Ignis felt his throat constrict. It was incredibly thoughtful and sweet. He gave into the urge and hugged Noct, “thank you. I shall treasure it. Always.” He pulled away after a moment, fighting back tears, “would you help me put it on?”

Noct flushed, but took the necklace from the box and undid the clasp, Ignis turning so Noct could loop it around his neck.

Somehow, with the scant weight of it around his neck, Ignis felt like he’d been claimed as Noct’s. His heart swelled in his chest as he touched it reverently.


	11. Jealousy and obliviousness

When Ignis first realised what his feelings were for Noct he tried to reason himself out of it. It was merely an aesthetic thing, similar to appreciating a fine piece of art, something beautiful but untouchable, definitely untouchable in this case. It was perfectly understandable to admire said piece of art. From a distance. Because, Astrals, now that Ignis had noticed Noct’s beauty, he couldn’t _unsee_ it. It was as if the universe was smacking him in the face with it on a daily basis.

When reasoning didn’t change how he felt, he thought perhaps time would do what intellect could not.

After several months, he came to be of the opinion that time, nor reason had anything to do with love. Love did what it wanted to do, regardless of his perfectly reasonable thoughts on the subject. In other words, he fell harder.

Which, of course, meant that being in love with Noct went from mildly inconvenient to down right ridiculous. He became more than a little obsessed with the idea of pointing out Noct’s flaws to himself in order to nullify his appeal. Yet, his heart would not let him do even that. For every perceived flaw in Noct Ignis was more than capable of making an argument that it only made him more approachable or adorable as the case may be.

Even the childish hatred of anything remotely vegetable like was endearing.

Ignis was a bloody sap. That was his conclusion after all his deliberations on the matter at hand.

Reasoning and time having failed him, Ignis turned to flat out denial.

He was simply enamoured, he had a crush, it definitely wasn’t love. Noct was his childhood friend, it was just the proximity that made his heart _think_ that he was in love. Yes, that was it.

By the time the fight had happened, he was internally congratulating himself. A crush could be gotten over.

After the fight, well, he conceded defeat.

Ignis did not take defeat well.

And the utter hopelessness of the situation made him morose. There was no way to tactically retreat, no way to ease the way his heart jumped at the very sight of Noct, how he ached for the sound of his voice, how he longed to touch. He couldn’t resign, couldn’t just _leave_ Noct. The very idea was so abhorrent that Ignis dismissed it immediately and forever. Noctis was his friend first and foremost. He would never abandon him.

He also discovered that he wasn’t immune to jealousy. In the slightest. 

Emotions were utterly inconvenient and thoroughly ridiculous.

Loving Noct was something that was simply part of who he was regardless of how he tried to deny or reason his way out of it.

Jealousy was another thing altogether.

As Noct’s Chamberlain and Advisor, Ignis acted as his secretary a great deal of the time, and as such he was privy to the monumental amount of stuffed bears and chocolates that arrived at the Citadel from fawning girls and women in an effort to gain the Prince’s attention. Noct would roll his eyes as Ignis delivered the parcels and tell Ignis to distribute the chocolates to the staff and the toys to a children’s hospital or orphanage.

Every morning Ignis seethed as he eyed the pile of offerings, irrational in his jealousy. None of the givers had any idea who Noct really was, they weren’t remotely close to him, they didn’t understand him as a person. He was an unattainable idol to them.

Prompto was different.

Prompto knew Noct, was friends with him, interacted with the Prince almost daily. They joked and laughed together, played games, jostled and wrestled and bumped each others shoulders.

Had a hundred different conversations that Ignis was no part of.

No matter how guilty it made him feel, no matter how wrong he knew it to be, Ignis had days where he loathed the very sight of the small blonde. His smile grated on Ignis’ nerves. His laugh like nails down a chalkboard. He had to make a conscious effort to reign it in and not let the fact he was rattled and annoyed show.

Because Noct liked him.

It wasn’t that Prompto didn’t have redeeming qualities, it was that Ignis had days where he could not pinpoint what they were, the green fog of jealousy clouding his faculties.

The suspicion that Prompto might be more than a friend hit Ignis like a freight train. Or, at least, perhaps Prompto felt more than friendly about Noctis. The Prince himself was an enigma as far as romance went. Granted, there was the long standing correspondence with Lady Lunafreya, but other than that one anomaly, there was no indication of Noct’s preferences.

Lady Lunafreya was a distant personage. Prompto Argentum was not.

That the object of Ignis’ ire spoke about girls he had seen and thought cute did nothing to dissuade Ignis from his train of thought. It could all be a smokescreen to ferret out Noct’s own preference in preparation for a confession. Or he could be bi-sexual. Or…

Every time Ignis found himself ruminating about it, he would try to stamp it out. It mattered not either way. He reminded himself time and time again that even in a perfect world where Noct was gay and felt the same about him, there were other issues that were in the way. Namely a certain royal status regardless of how little that part of Noct concerned him, it would concern others. And additionally, there were Ignis’ personal issues. What he wanted and what he was capable of receiving were very different things.

Ignis had always been exceedingly careful when he had to clean and tidy Noct’s bedroom, making sure to only touch things that had to be touched, and Noct had been a little more circumspect in what he left laying around. The bedside drawers were always closed and Ignis refused to investigate those. Any clothing on the floor he placed in the laundry hamper, he vacuumed around the bed, purposely ignoring the box under it no matter how curious he was about the contents. Stripped and remade the bed when Noct hadn’t done it himself which was in its own way an interesting development.

Ignis veered away from the thoughts of why Noct might feel the need to strip his own bed when he was adverse to cleaning in most situations. Ignis clearly remembered his father helping him with his own soiled sheets early on in puberty.

Even now, Ignis would need to change his sheets out after a particularly intense masturbation session, so what Noct was doing wasn’t exactly a shock as such.

But _how_ he was masturbating was.

Ignis had arrived to find Noct in a flutter about being late to an appointment at the local animal shelter, grumbling under his breath as he hurriedly dressed himself. Ignis attempted to calm him and had gathered up everything that the Prince would require for the day before he drove him to the shelter.

Once he’d dropped him off Ignis went back to the apartment and began to tidy up.

Then he reached Noct’s bedroom, inhaling deeply before he opened the door. Being in Noct’s most personal space always made Ignis a little nervous.

He picked up Noct’s clothing and placed it in the hamper to take to the laundry, then dusted and vacuumed. Then it was time to remake the bed. The covers were thrown aside, pillows piled up at the head of the bed.

Ignoring the familiar looking stain in the centre of the bed, Ignis reached for the pillows and began stripping the slips off them, startled when something thudded onto the floor at his feet.

Florescent pink. Long, thin, curved with a protuberance toward the base.

Ignis flushed bright red, cheeks hot as he stared down at it. He knew _exactly_ what it was and what it did. He owned one that he stored guiltily in his bedside drawer using it to great effect after a particularly stressful day. Prostate massager. Wonderfully effective.

Blinking in shock, Ignis stared at the _object_ , unable to move, pillow slip in hand. Should he touch it? Gods, he had to touch it. He had to make the bed now that he’d started, he couldn’t leave it as it was, that would be…odd and Noct would surely know what he’d found. Ignis would have to continue in the usual manner, complete his task, but what to do with… _that_.

He swallowed, shaking himself out of his stupor and left it on the floor for now, mechanically stripping another pillow. And another. Purposely thinking of the Council meeting later in the day he had to attend. He lifted the last pillow and found a magazine.

An explicit, very blatantly gay magazine.

Without thought he dropped the pillow and picked it up, keening softly he flipped through the pages. Lithe, attractive men in very exposed sexual positions, on their own, or with an enthusiastic partner.

Ignis closed his eyes, breathing deeply to will away the surge of arousal the pictures invoked.

Methodical and robotic, Ignis finished stripping the bed and remade it, carrying the full hamper to Noct’s personal laundry and filled the washing machine, transferring everything to the dryer and then folding it all.

Then went back to Noct’s bedroom to deal with both magazine and prostate massager.

He cleaned the toy, deliberately keeping his mind blank and then stuffed it and the magazine under the lower pillows.

Only allowing himself to think in his own bed that night as he used his own toy.

Noct was gay. Noct was gay and Ignis sobbed as he came the hardest he had in a long time.

The Prince was rather jumpy and fidgety the next morning, and Ignis could surmise why, but neither said one word about what Ignis had discovered.

The bed was never unmade again. However, Ignis did wonder sadly why Noct hadn’t been able to tell him about his sexual orientation. It did not occur to him that Noct didn’t know his own, Ignis thought it was rather obvious, at least it had been once he untangled the knot of it himself. 

Sometimes, one does not see what is right in front of one’s face and Ignis steeled himself for an embarrassing conversation. If he told Noct, maybe Noct would feel safe to tell him in return, despite the rather obvious evidence that Ignis had found.

He very carefully chose a time when Prompto was absent and asked if he could talk to Noct for a moment. It was personal matter, but one he thought his friend should know he explained. Noct’s eyes had flicked guiltily to the bedroom door. 

Ignis inhaled deeply, averting his eyes, “I…it’s something I feel is obvious about myself, however I realised I had not actually said it, and as you are my closest friend, I wanted you to be the first I told.”

“R…right,” Noct said. “This sounds serious, Speccy.”

Ignis shook his head, “no, not particularly, more…a revelation I came to a while back.” He pushed up his glasses, then folded his hands in his lap and steadied his breathing. “I…am gay.”

Noct was silent. Silent so long that Ignis peered over at him curiously. All Noct did was shrug.

“Yeah, I kinda guessed you were.”

That was it. That was all he said. No confession of his own. Nothing.

Ignis blinked, staring at Noct, bemused. He’d not expected ridicule or derision. But he’d also thought he might get some sort of reaction.

“Was that all?” Noct tipped his head to one side. His expression was a little blank. But then Noct was as adept as Ignis at putting on a mask to hide what was going on underneath. Usually it wasn’t directed at himself.

Ignis cleared his throat, “ah, yes…” He frowned and stood, smoothing down his pants, “I’ll just…”

A hand on his arm stopped him, Noct’s eyes warm when he gazed down.

“I’m glad you told me.” He grinned up at Ignis, “I was beginning to think you never would, or that maybe you didn’t want me to know for some reason.”

Ignis sat heavily, “no, it honestly wasn’t that.” He shot Noct a sheepish glance, “it was more that once I puzzled it out for myself, I thought it glaringly obvious.” He worried his bottom lip for a moment, “how did you know?”

Noct raised a brow at him, “kinda hard to miss when you keep turning down all those girls who ask you out.”

Flabbergasted, Ignis’ eyes went wide, “um…what girls? I am afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

Noct’s mouth dropped open. “You really don’t know, do you?” He shook his head, “all the girls around the Citadel.” He paused waiting for it to click with Ignis and when he simply stared at him, Noct covered his face, “fuck, Specs, the office girls have all been trying to ask you out for months and months.”

Ignis pursed his lips, “no, that’s preposterous.”

Noct groaned, “Ignis? Really? No-one has asked you out for coffee, or anything like that?” he prodded.

Brows knitted together, Ignis slowly shook his head, then his mouth dropped open, “oh.” There had been a few overtures, but Ignis thought they were merely friendly co-worker type things, not…a request for a date. Were they blind? Or were they making fun of the nerdy man in the office. 

“Astrals, Specs, does someone need to hit you on the head with a brick and say, ‘hey, I like you, wanna date me?’ or something?”

Huffing, Ignis crossed his arms, “well, a _little_ clarity on the matter would be of assistance. There was no change in their behaviour towards me.”

With a resigned sigh, Noct looked at him sadly, “I’m beginning to think you don’t know what flirting is. _There was no change in their behaviour coz they are always flirting with you._ ”


	12. Flirtation

Over the next few weeks, Ignis spent a great deal of time at night staring at his ceiling.

Not due to any attractiveness on the ceiling’s part, more existential angst on Ignis’ part.

_Always flirting_ , Noct had said. Emphatically. About people. Talking to Ignis. He’d been thoroughly serious, no joking about the matter and utterly frustrated with Ignis’ lack of knowledge about said flirting.

Ignis denied the possibility vociferously, Noct asserted that it was true just as forcefully, his blue eyes intense as he stared Ignis down. Ignis then attempted to end the conversation by again stating that it was of no consequence, the office girls weren’t going to get a date with him no matter what they said or did. He simply wasn’t interested.

Noct bit his lip, “what about a guy then? What if…” He trailed off, flush brightening his cheeks, clearing his throat, eyes flicking away as he deliberated about something. Then he inhaled deeply and looked back at Ignis.

Noct’s eyes darted down to Ignis’ lips, then back to his eyes, and down again. Even Ignis, with no experience romantically, could see what Noct possibly wanted, but he was just so dumbfounded by it. Why? What did it mean? Was it just a passing fancy? Or was he making a point about Ignis not knowing what flirting looked like? Was he giving Ignis an example?

Ignis found himself doing the same thing. Noct had lovely, plump, kissable lips. He licked his own, eyes flicking back up to find Noct staring right back at him, his pupils dilated.

He had an insane desire to check his breath, just in case. Then berated himself. No, imagining it. Had to be. No-one wanted to kiss him, especially not Noct. It was ludicrous. Just because they were both gay didn’t automatically mean that Noct was attracted to him. Noct hadn’t even _told_ him he was gay, though the fact Ignis had obviously seen certain _things_ in Noct’s bedroom and Noct _knew_ he’d seen them was possibly enough in the Prince’s mind. Objectively it saved them an embarrassing conversation.

Ignis cleared his throat, uttering some banal excuse and turned on his heel.

But that was far from the last time Noct did something so utterly confusing. Rather, it was one in a long line of things that had Ignis staring blankly at his ceiling of a night.

Movie night. Without the usual presence of Prompto as a buffer.

Ignis gulped, honest to goodness gulped as Noct sat next to him. Right next to him, not the normal unspoken polite distance apart, but so close that Ignis’ hand resting on the couch was almost touching Noct’s hand. He held back the whine of distress and excitement by sheer force of will, staring ahead and not daring to glance to the side.

Why wasn’t Noct proscribing to the acceptable distance rule? They’d not been this close since…since…Gods, Ignis didn’t even know, but not recently, that much was certain. He was frozen to the spot, not daring to move. And his cheeks felt like they were on fire, as if Ifrit himself had come along and touched them.

Noct’s hand moved, their little fingers brushing and Ignis was as still as a statue, now not even breathing lest he break apart. If he moved, he knew without a doubt he would do something incredibly stupid. Like take Noct’s hand.

He felt his lungs protesting at the lack of oxygen and Ignis inhaled slowly, chiding himself mentally. _Stop being so bloody stupid and act like a human._ He cast about for something to do, say.

Movie night. Ahh, yes, popcorn. He could get some popcorn and then when he came back he would sit further away. Yes. That would work.

“Would…” Gods, why did his voice sound like air escaping from a balloon? It hadn’t done anything so ridiculous since he’d left puberty behind with nary a backwards glance at the horror it had been. Why now? _Why_? He cleared his throat and tried again. “Would you like some popcorn, Noct?”

“Hmm? Got some, you already made it Speccy,” Noct murmured.

_Ignis Scientia you bloody idiot, you made that yourself not twenty minutes ago._

“Ah, yes, right, so I did,” Ignis blurted out. “I…forgot.” He could feel Noct’s gaze on him and kept his eyes fixed on the screen. What on Eos were they watching? It certainly didn’t look like the usual fare. No explosions or car chases and not a single weapon in sight. He squinted at the TV. Were they watching a romantic comedy? How had he missed that little snippet of information? Oh, yes, because he was panicking over Noct sitting so close. Gods, please don’t panic _now_.

Ignis began his rituals, over and over until he had himself under some semblance of control, but he sat right where he was for the duration of the movie.

And his confusion didn’t end there.

Ignis had thought that Prompto being present would give him some relief, but, no. It wasn’t to be.

“So,” Prompto began, apropos to nothing. “You’ve kissed someone, right?” His violet blue eyes were trained straight on Ignis.

Noct went curiously still and silent, waiting for his answer.

“What?” Ignis asked dumbly. “Me?”

Prompto frowned, “well, yeah, you obviously.” He glanced at Noct, “Prince Charmless here’s too chicken to kiss _someone_.” Noct glared at him, the pair having one of their odd silent conversations until Prompto shrugged and ignored him. “So, you have, right? I mean, of course you have…” He trailed off as he noticed Ignis gaping at him. “Um, right?”

“How on Eos did you arrive at that assumption?” Ignis asked, with not a little ire in his tone making the little blonde twitch uncomfortably. “And why are we having this conversation? It’s highly…”

Noct nudged Prompto hard, “inappropriate, right?”

Prompto glared at Noct rubbing his side, “but…”

Noct clapped his hand over Prompto’s mouth, “no, Prom, don’t.” His cheeks were bright pink, averting his gaze from Ignis, “sorry. Prom will drop it, won’t you Prom?”

Prompto wrenched Noct’s hand from his mouth, “whatever, dude.” Then rolled his eyes so hard Ignis was sure he was trying to investigate his brain.

Ignis decided it was best to remove himself from the situation and leave them to whatever it was that was going on. In bed that night when he stared at his ceiling, he had a sneaking suspicion that Prompto wasn’t the one who wanted the answer to the question.

Despite himself, Ignis found himself responding, even if he knew it was impossible. The desire to have Noct look at him as something other than a life long friend, have him reciprocate even just a sliver of what Ignis felt was thrumming through him with every little coy glance, every seemingly accidental touch, a brush of arms, of hands, a thigh pressed against his briefly. The jealousy he felt towards Prompto for being so close, for being _there_ all the time, started to bleed away. He simply didn’t have room in his head for those sorts of thoughts any longer.

He didn’t understand it, couldn’t possibly comprehend it, yet…something was there and he had no way to defend against it.

It was an incident in the training room that made Ignis pull away and retreat as fast as he could. Slam his walls up as high and as thick as he could make them, even knowing Noct had always been the one who could find his way through them.

He had to try, had to reign in his desire, his love.

Training with Noct had always been a lesson in restraint since Ignis realised how he felt, but now with Noct pushing to be closer it had become almost painful.

The way blue eyes found his, both of them panting with their blades crossed between them. The flick of a pink tongue over plump lips. The feel of Noct’s hand gripping him when they were close enough to grapple. That same hand sliding to areas it should not go.

A flirting touch of fingers dancing over his neck, a hand slipping over his stomach, a glancing touch to his inner thigh as they wrestled away from each other. A hand cupping his ass. _That_ could hardly be misconstrued. Could it?

Ignis had outright moaned, eyes slipping closed, Noct’s breath hot on the shell of his ear. The Prince danced away, sliding back into an offensive stance and Ignis was left gaping at him in shock and arousal. Attempting to refocus took all of his fortitude.

Apparently, it wasn’t enough.

One moment their blades were crossing, Ignis stunned by the force of Noct’s stare between them, then he found himself on his back, pinned to the floor by Noct looming over him, holding his wrists, close enough that Ignis could feel his breath on his face. Storm blue eyes did the _thing_ again and Ignis’ breath hitched in his throat, angling his face a little in invitation.

His own eyes widened when Noct’s darkened, swallowing through the constriction in his throat. He stared up at him helplessly, frozen.

Then the clearing of a throat off to the side brought reality crashing down.

They were not alone.

Ignis scrambled out of Noct’s hold, flushing crimson, shoving his glasses up his nose, leaving his discarded daggers on the training room floor and beat a hasty retreat, running faster when he heard Noct following him.

“Speccy, please,” Noct called out behind him and Ignis faltered. He glanced about, no-one in the hallway where he found himself. Noct took the chance and caught up. “Can we talk…about that…” he said with a wave of his hand back towards the training room.

Ignis stepped away, “I am sure there is nothing to discuss, I…”

“What the fuck did I do wrong?” Noct shouted, face red, hair more of a mess than usual from him running his hands through it in frustration. He looked up at Ignis, eyes pleading, “what did I do? I thought that you needed me to be more obvious…”

Ignis stepped forward, hand out to touch, but he dropped it suddenly when he realised what he’d been about to do, “Noct, I…”

Noct watched his hand fall, his face falling along with it, “you don’t…” He trailed off, lip wobbling. “Sorry, I get it now.” He stepped back away from Ignis, ready to turn and flee from the situation. “I won’t push myself on you any more,” he said, tone morose, head down.

Ignis’ stomach felt like it was diving through the floor, hand darting out to grab Noct’s arm before he could run, “no, don’t go, please, I…” He swallowed around his suddenly dry throat. “You did nothing wrong, I promise you. It’s me, I’m the problem, Noct.”

Noct frowned at him, shaking his head, “I don’t understand.”

Ignis cringed, “I know, and that’s my fault. It’s just…I don’t know if I _can_. It’s not that I don’t want to.” He sighed, “I know it won’t make sense to you and I wish that I could explain it, but I…” He started to tremble, what he wanted within his grasp, but he felt that he couldn’t reach out and take it, not without exposing everything. Not without ruining everything. His breath started to come in harsh little pants, chest rising and falling rapidly.

_Oh no. Not now, please._

Noct gripped his bicep, concern and confusion etching his features, “Speccy, hey.” He stepped closer, running his hand up and down Ignis’ arm, “hey, you look scared. This isn’t like you.”

Ignis blanched, wrenching away, “yes it is!” He winced at the volume of his own voice, trying to breathe normally. “This is me, it’s exactly what I’m like.”

Then he spun on his heel and stalked off, trying to maintain some semblance of dignity, holding himself together by the barest thread, Noct’s voice echoing in his ears, calling his name.


	13. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a shorter chapter, but I hope the content makes up for it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for neglecting comments, life has been a touch hectic of late, but I will get to them, I promise

That he hadn’t keeled over in a panic took Ignis aback. Surely, of all things, a confrontation with Noct like that should have resulted in him curling into a messy ball of incomprehensible noise and woe. But, no. That hadn’t happened. Instead Ignis maintained a little dignity, though slightly wobbly and had managed to leave Noct behind without looking back.

It occurred to him later why it was that he hadn’t collapsed. Guilt. For years he had felt guilty about hiding that part of himself from Noctis, his very best friend, the man he now loved. Yes, he’d had reasons to conceal it, however he had never felt quite settled about that. And with his truncated admission of the truth, some of that burden had lifted.

Perhaps, just perhaps, he should unburden himself further, regardless of how scary, how utterly _terrifying_ , that would be. Noct had been brave in making a step, so should Ignis.

Doing that was harder.

He avoided Noct the rest of the day, and pleaded off from attending him that evening. Silence greeted his message and he wasn’t surprised at that. Noct was likely brooding.

Eventually Ignis had to face Noct again, so he steeled himself for a difficult conversation and entered the Prince’s apartment the next afternoon and was brought up short.

Noct and Prompto were whispering together, heads close, not noticing Ignis behind them.

“Did ya talk to him? What’d he say?”

“Not sure it matters,” Noct grumbled. “Think I fucked things up with Specs.” Noct’s head dropped, “I tried to push things too fast, I think. It didn’t go…well.” He sighed, “Dad was fine with it all, but I didn’t even get a chance to tell Ignis that before I shoved my foot in my fucking mouth.”

Ignis almost fainted. Noct spoke to Regis. He must have made a sound of some sort because there suddenly two pairs of blue eyes on his, one bright and almost violet, the other the same shade as the sky before a storm, guilty, shy and hurt all at once.

His mouth worked but nothing came out. Noct shoved at Prompto, hissing at him that he’d talk to him later.

Then they were alone.

Staring dumbly at each other.

“I…Noct, I wanted to…apologise for my outburst…” He twisted his hands together, gaze shifting to the floor, “it was nothing you did, I promise you that. I…”

“You said that before,” Noct muttered, interrupting him. Ignis’ head snapped up, Noct looking incredibly sad. “But you ran away, I thought that you felt like I do, that you… _like_ me, and when you didn’t get that I’ve been trying to…flirt with you, that you didn’t see it, I…” His shoulders slumped. “I was trying harder and I thought you were backing away because of _what_ I am, so I spoke to Dad.”

Ignis covered his face with his hands, mortified. The conversation was _not_ going in the direction he’d planned. They were going to discuss…other things. “Astrals.” He was trembling again. “I am in no position to feel as I do, I…”

Noct’s hand gripped his forearm, pulling his hand away from his face, “no, wait, don’t say that.” He sighed, “I should have worked out that you’d be worried about that first, but I spoke to Dad to find out what he thought.” He tried a reassuring smile, but Ignis’ knees felt like they were going to collapse. “He said it was ok, Speccy.”

A high pitched whine left Ignis’ throat thoroughly without his permission. “I…”

Noct thumbed at his phone screen, “here, see.” He turned the phone so Ignis could read the conversation between the prince and his father, the _King_ of Lucis, a conversation about Ignis.

_If I were to date, would it have to be a girl? Could I date a guy?_

_And could that guy be someone that works with me?_

_What if it were Ignis?_

_Dad: Call me, Son. This needs a verbal conversation at the least._

Ignis glanced at Noct, the Prince rolling his eyes and sweeping down to show a later addition to the chat.

_Thanks Dad_

_Dad: my pleasure, hope it goes well with Ignis._

It was there in black and white on Noct’s screen, but then, they may have had a conversation about something else, something about Ignis’ Chamberlain role or the Advisor position, and that was what Regis was hoping went well, not the…dating thing. He looked up at Noct again, brow furrowed, eyes concerned.

“Do I need to call him again, get him to tell you himself?”

Ignis baulked at that, “no, no, I… _why_ would you do that?”

Noct sighed, shoving his phone in his pocket, “because you don’t believe me.” Noct ran his fingers through his hair, pursing his lips.

“No, I meant, why would you speak to him about _me_? I…”

Noct’s eyes were wide in disbelief, “what? You’re kidding, right?” He peered at Ignis, noting the complete lack of comprehension. “You really don’t think I’d do that, you don’t get that I _like_ you, maybe even…love you.”

Ignis made a noise like a tea kettle boiling, a high pitched keening noise, knees shaking and feeling light headed, “I…I…”

“I like you,” Noct insisted. “Really, really like you.” He worried at his lip as Ignis pushed his glasses up and didn’t say anything. “Do you…like me too?”

He could only nod helplessly in response, not sure his voice would even work at this point. Noct beamed at him and Ignis inhaled sharply at how lovely he looked.

And his eyes, oh, the softness, happiness in them.

Ignis, stunned, his every movement arrested by the look in Noct’s eyes, could only open and shut his mouth helplessly. What was he supposed to do in this situation? Heart rabbiting in his chest, his hand extended slowly. It was what he wanted, so desperately, yet he had spent so long denying every impulse he’d had in relation to it, to have the opportunity right in front of him…

Noct’s eyes flicked down to the hand reaching for him, stepping forward. Ignis followed, no calculation in his movements, simply _doing_ , not thinking. They both paused, eyes fixed, almost no space between them, Ignis able to discern the warmth of Noct at that distance. The hand he’d extended to Noct found the other man’s waist, resting on his hip, a tremble vibrating through his palm and fingers. His or Noct’s, Ignis wasn’t sure. His other hand joined the first, Noct’s landing on his chest, but not to push away, merely to hold, touch, ground himself.

Noct looked up at him, blue eyes pleading, hopeful, a hint of terror around the edges.

Ignis felt like he should say something, anything, qualify what was happening. Noct shook his head minutely, evidently seeing it in his eyes. Ignis bit his lip and nodded. Noct had countered every argument Ignis would have tried to put forward, blocked every retreat he could have made, all by dint of going above Ignis’ head directly to his father, asking the questions that Ignis would never have dared to.

_If I were to date, would it have to be a girl? Could I date a guy?_

_And could that guy be someone that works with me?_

_What if it were Ignis?_

Noct pressed against him and Ignis keened softly, watching his Prince tip his face up. His eyes slid down from Noct’s eyes to his lips, his own parting as he exhaled. When he looked back up, Noct’s eyes had dilated. That same look that he given him several days before. And then again in the training room. Unmistakable.

_Kiss me_.

Absolutely no doubt about it. He could _feel_ how fast Noct’s heart was beating against his chest. Ignis tentatively slid his hand from Noct’s waist up to his cheek, sweeping his thumb over a pink cheek bone, leaning forward until their noses brushed, blood rushing in his ears.

Noct went up on his toes and closed the distance, Ignis’ eyes fluttering closed as their lips met softly.

_Oh. OH._ That had felt so, so nice. Better than nice, it had been… Ignis had no words to describe it.

He opened his eyes to find Noct peering up at him, the blush on his cheeks deepened. Ignis’ heart skipped in his chest. He was so beautiful. So wonderful in every way. He slipped his hand from Noct’s cheek, into his hair, closing his eyes as he experienced the silk of it, then dipped down to press their lips together again.

Noct met him halfway, their lips lingering longer this time, parting to meet again, this time moving in little pursing motions. Ignis was a little delirious, floating on the sensations of Noct’s mouth on his, the fact they were _kissing_ each other, very much not platonic, and fast becoming less and less chaste.

Ignis’ heart _ached_ , throbbed within his chest. Somehow, the kisses they were trading were a far more tangible, palpable admission than any words could be and Ignis ached with it. More intimate than any words could possibly be, even if Ignis hadn’t _said_ them out loud, he was showing Noct just how much he felt, how deep it went, how much it was a part of his very soul, entwining around him tighter than when he’d been hiding it, denying it. Cracked open, exposed for Noct to see inside him. 

Instinct drove him on, parting his lips, feeling Noct gasp and follow, mouths moving in concert, keening when Noct’s tongue slid over his lip, seeking. He pulled Noct closer, hands clutching him, angling his face a touch and met Noct’s questing tongue with his own.

He had never given the act of a kiss much thought, other than idle wondering of what it might feel like to kiss Noct, and now that he was doing just that, it was…it was _intimate_ to press and part his lips against the soft pillows of Noct’s, to flick and tentatively slide their tongues in a little dance, the feel of their very breath mingling, the rapid rise and fall of each others chests.

It lit something in Ignis, groaning as he gave in to the desire for more, for once taking what he wanted, injecting all the passion, the love, the _need_ , into each kiss, Noct gasping into his mouth at the force behind it. Then Noct was meeting him with just as passion and fervor.

When the kisses eventually gentled and they paused, Ignis rested his forehead to Noct’s, panting hard, heart soaring, lips bruised and tingling, trembling. As he lifted his head, he slowly opened his eyes to find Noct gazing up at him in amazement, his own lips red and glistening.

Ignis slid his fingers through the disordered mess of Noct’s hair, a little hysterical when he realised he had been the cause of it. A bubble of laughter erupted from him, and he giggled breathlessly, burying his face in Noct’s neck, clinging to him desperately.

He’d completely forgotten his earlier mission.


	14. When did you know?

The utter bliss after Noct kissed him lasted several days until it dawned on him with horrifying clarity that this meant intimacy, well, _more_ intimacy including the naked variety. Noct would expect it eventually. And deep down, Ignis knew he desired that just as much, yet…

The thought that Noct would see him naked and bared, would see all his flaws, was so terrifying that he immediately slipped into a panic attack right there in his office.

Nothing he tried could stop it. All his usual tactics failed in the face of what being with Noct would mean. That he would be vulnerable. That Noct would see him for how he really was, and not through a veil of his armor. 

It was Clarus who found him, huddled in a corner, arms wrapped around his knees, eyes wide and wild, his breath coming in harsh pants, fingers clutching and loosening against the legs of his trousers. He was trembling violently, unable to speak.

“Ignis,” Clarus said softly, once he got over the shock of seeing Ignis in such a state, approaching slowly and kneeling in front of him. He extended a tentative hand and clasped his knee. “I want you to look at me. Can you do that?”

Ignis snapped green eyes to the man in front of him as if suddenly aware of his presence.

“Good,” Clarus continued. “Now I want you to breathe with me. Focus on me, alright.” Clarus breathed in through his nose, held it and then let it go slowly, out through his mouth. Ignis attempted to follow, but it was so hard to concentrate. He shook his head, breaking eye contact with the King’s Shield. Clarus’ hand left his knee and both cupped his face to make him focus on his. “With me Ignis.”

It was half an hour before he could speak in any semblance of coherency. But he certainly couldn’t tell Clarus what had triggered this particular attack.

“Should I contact your Uncle?”

Ignis shook his head vehemently, most definitely _not_ his Uncle. That would be mortifying in the extreme and likely to bring on another panic attack. His anxiety hadn’t abated nearly enough for that.

“No,” he whispered shakily.

Clarus frowned, pursing his lips in concern. “Do you think Noctis might…” he barely got the Prince’s name out before Ignis was gripping his hand and looking at him with a horrified expression. “Alright, not Noctis.” He thought again for a moment. “What about Gladiolus? Could he help?”

Ignis relaxed a little knowing Clarus wouldn’t contact the Prince about it. Gladio was possibly the only person he could speak to without collapsing in on himself.

Maybe.

He winced. Gladio was likely to find the whole situation both hilarious and frighteningly wrong. But, what other choice did he have? He needed to speak to someone and his therapist would take time to set up, so he nodded his head reluctantly. “Yes, Gladio.”

Clarus sighed in relief, “alright, I’ll contact him,” he said, reaching into his jacket for his phone. He kept his eyes on Ignis throughout, obviously still very concerned. Once he’d had a short conversation with his son, he placed his phone down and took hold of Ignis’ shaking hands, “he’ll be here soon. I’ll wait with you. Do you want to get up off the floor, or stay there?”

Ignis assessed himself, noting hazily how weak he felt. It had been a very long time since he had reacted so badly. His limbs were still trembling, his head pounding, breath still ragged. “No, I…I don’t think I can move just yet.” He lifted his head, feeling fuzzy and disoriented, “please, no-one knows about…this,” he said, waving his hand at himself. “Please, no-one must know, I…I usually have it under control, I would never let it get in the way of my duties.”

Clarus pursed his lips with a frown, but he nodded sharply once and Ignis leaned back in relief.

When Gladio arrived, he halted in the doorway, taking in Ignis slumped against the wall, his father scowling.

“He’s…very upset about something,” Clarus informed his son with a quick glance at Ignis. Ignis breathed a sigh of relief at his secret remaining secret, he wouldn’t be a laughing stock for being like he was. “He won’t say what, and he doesn’t want Noctis to know or I would have called him.”

“R…right,” Gladio muttered, stepping closer slowly.

“I’ll leave you to it, let me know if you need anything.” With that Clarus patted Ignis’ knee and departed with one last look before he shut the door.

Gladio knelt down close, but not too close, “Igs? What’s up?”

Ignis closed his eyes, hugging his knees to his chest, “it’s…” He stopped, shaking his head. “I can’t.” He didn’t know where to start. Or what he could reveal without Gladio being able to unravel the whole mess. He and Gladio weren’t particularly close and Ignis was very much one who preferred not to air his dirty laundry. 

“Whatever it is, it’s obviously got you tied up in knots,” Gladio said, keeping his tone low. Keeping that bit of distance so Ignis didn’t feel crowded. “You don’t get wound up like this about work stuff, so…personal?”

Ignis sucked in a breath, lips twisting in a grimace, damn him for being more perceptive than he thought. “Y…yes.”

“Noct?”

Ignis’ head shot up, glaring at Gladio, who merely chuckled, “that’s the Iggy I know.” He looked away for a moment, shaking his head, “did you think I wouldn’t notice? I’m Noct’s Shield, it’s my job to notice stuff.”

Ignis’ cheeks were burnished bright red, he’d thought them more discrete. “Oh.”

“So, it is Noct?”

With a wince Ignis nodded, “in part.” He steeled himself, “how much, exactly, do you know?”

Gladio shrugged nonchalantly, as if the whole business wasn’t that big of a deal, “know he’s been drooling over you for a while, and you’ve been the same, but without the drool. He’d been antsy, then he…wasn’t. Smiling a lot. Blushing. He looks like he’s walkin’ on cloud nine.” He turned his head to look at Ignis, “but you don’t.”

“I…I don’t know what I’m doing.” The confession was met with a long silence.

“Which part?” Gladio asked eventually, no judgement, only curiosity.

“Any of it,” Ignis sighed, shoulder drooping. “I’ve never…none of it,” he confessed in a whisper. “My first kiss was only a few days ago and…I…”

“Wow,” Gladio murmured. “I mean, I’m not judging, it’s just I really thought that you would have…you know.”

Why on Eos would he think that Ignis had…done things? That was the most preposterous thing he’d ever heard. He looked at Gladio like he’d grown an extra head.

Gladio tried a weak smile, “so, I guess, it’s just been Noct for you then?”

Well, yes, but it wasn’t like he was getting offers that weren’t an attempt to tease him, despite what Noct might say about that subject, Ignis simply couldn’t see it. Noct was the only one he was interested in, so even if those offers had been serious, he would have still declined. He’d heard others call him cold. But he wasn’t. He just couldn’t let people _in_ to see the real Ignis.

After his discussion with Gladio that had ended with the banal advice to just take things slow, Ignis tried to come to terms with the fact that Noct enjoyed kissing him, that he had a boyfriend for the first time in his life and that boyfriend was Noctis. Objectively, Ignis knows he’s young, he’s in love, and he’s feeling incredibly inept about the whole thing, but then, he supposes, maybe that’s how he is _meant_ to feel.

Which wasn’t particularly comforting. 

Ignis ducked his head and beat a hasty retreat to the kitchen on the pretext of making dinner, which, honestly, he _should_ have been doing instead of indulging his boyfriend. That thought brought him to a halt by the counter, a ridiculous grin covering his face. Oh. Noct was his _boyfriend_. That was a thing he could say.

“Don’t ask,” Noct growled behind him.

Prompto waited approximately three seconds, “so…what was that about?”

Ignis bit his lip, stifling an unseemly chuckle. He heard Noct huff, embarrassed and annoyed, flopping onto the couch and attempting to distract his friend with the offer of gaming, but Ignis could hear the furious whispering from where he was. Prompto still hadn’t worked out how to lower his voice effectively.

The secret, or not so secret, conversation didn’t bother him in the slightest. After kissing Noct and discovering a mutual attraction, all the weird non verbal conversations and Prompto’s prodding made so much more sense, relatively speaking. Prompto would always be a bit of an enigma to Ignis, but now he was no longer jealous of the way he and the Prince interacting.

They mystery of their conversations made sense now. Prompto had been trying, in his own way, to encourage Noct to say something, do something.

If anything, now Ignis felt grateful. And even more guilty about how he had been treating the little blonde. He resolved to change that.

“When?” Ignis asked, throat dry. He tried again, swallowing thickly. “When did you know?”

Noct gazed up at him, those storm blue eyes guileless, deep pools that Ignis has fallen into more times than he can count. He tilted his head, “know what?” His lips quirk in a knowing smile.

Now that he can touch, Ignis still finds that he’s a little hesitant to do so, touching would mean more touching and well, he’s nervous about that and where it would lead them. Kissing is even more dangerous, but it’s something that he can’t seem to stop doing once he starts. Or rather, when Noct starts. Ignis almost never initiates anything, far too worried about the ensuing consequence, but now, he trailed his fingers over Noct’s chest, laying pressed flush on Noct’s couch, summer sun heading to the horizon, painting the room in gold.

So, Noct had answered his question with one of his own.

Ignis sighed, a touch dramatic. But allowed the prevarication. He circled his fingers on Noct’s chest. Not near a nipple under the fabric, that’s too…too close, but between the gentle swell of muscle.

And asked again. “When did you know…” He paused, biting his lip, glasses pushed up his nose to avoid how desperately he wants to know. “How you felt?” he added quietly.

It’s an age old question asked by lovers, yet Ignis does not know that. He just knows he wants the answer. _“When did you know? When did you fall? How long have you loved me? Is it true?”_

“Ahh,” Noct breathed out, smile still firmly in place, tangling his fingers in the hair at Ignis’ nape. Once he discovered the way Ignis shivered when he did that, it became his favourite thing to do and Ignis, even weak to anything Noct does to him, always, always, sinks into that gently casual affection. “It was…gradual,” Noct eventually added. His blue eyes seem to spear into Ignis’ heart and soul. “Maybe always felt that way, but, when I _knew_ for sure…”

“Yes,” Ignis whispered, fingers dancing up to Noct’s neck, tracing the taut line of it distractedly. “When you knew for sure.”

Noct closed his eyes, lashes casting shadows on his cheeks, lips curving into a broader smile. “The day you helped me with my elemancy,” he said quietly, sounding reverent. His eyes opened to find Ignis watching him intently, eager for the information. “Do you remember? When I couldn’t _get_ it, but you were so patient, reading through the stupid stuff in the books?”

“Yes,” Ignis murmured. “Yes, I remember.” He had been so unbearably fond and proud that day. “Then?”

“Yeah,” Noct sighed. “You put your hand on my shoulder as I tried to summon something…anything. And all I could think of was you.”

“Oh.” Ignis blinked at him, “me.” He recalled Noct’s words from then, his stuttering explanation of what he’d been thinking of in order to manifest the little flame that had danced on his palm. “Warmth,” he whispered.

“Warmth,” Noct nodded. “Warmth, fire, _Ignis_ ,” he murmured. “I’d closed my eyes, and all I could see was you, when I opened them and the flame was right _there_ in my hand, I looked up at you and just…knew.”

That…that was rather profound to Ignis’ mind. It was lovely. 

“Oh, my,” Ignis breathed out, cheeks heating.

Noct angled his head, darting up for a brief kiss, a simple press of lips. “You?”

Ignis ducked his head, still utterly overwhelmed every time Noct kissed him like that. “I…I think deep down, I always have. For a very long time, I had been experiencing an odd sensation whenever we were together.” He smiled ruefully, “I remember thinking one day that your eyes were very pretty and then was confused as to why I was thinking that. We would touch, brief things, a brush here and there and my stomach would flip, my heart beat faster. I thought perhaps I was having heart palpitations for health reasons. But the moment I think I truly _knew_ was also the moment I knew I was gay.” Noct’s brows rose and Ignis chuckled. “It was thoroughly mundane, in all honesty. I walked into the training room to collect you and there you were. You raised your shirt to wipe at your face and, well, I experienced some very wobbly knees at the sight of your stomach. Then you smiled at me and I just wanted to melt into a puddle.”

A giggle escaped Noct, eyes crinkling, “really?” At Ignis’ nod of confirmation, Noct grinned, “how long ago?”

Ignis sighed, exasperated and fond. “Considering what I know now, I am mortified by how long it took me to put the pieces in place. I was about to turn 18.” Noct snickered and Ignis batted at his chest, “hush, it was a struggle, I’ll have you know. I had been so very jealous of Prompto, thinking it was because I was losing my very best friend, and then suddenly all the things I had been feeling made sense.”

Noct snorted, “Prom thought you hated him for ages, but it was coz you were _jealous_.” His expression turned serious, “and you hid it.”

Pursing his lips, Ignis nodded, “of course I did. Or I tried, evidently not that well. _You_ were aware, Gladiolus too. Who knows who else.”

“Dad,” Noct said. Ignis blanched at Noct naming his father. “And Prompto _thinks_ he knows, but you know him, he doesn’t actually. But, he’s been…”

“Encouraging you,” Ignis supplied.

Noct’s eyes twinkled in amusement, “if you could call what he was doing encouragement, then, yeah.”

Ignis thought back to all the odd _non_ conversations he’d witnessed and some he’d been forced to participate in. “Ahh.” So he was right about that.

“He knows I’ve been trying to…well, you know, but that’s about it. I haven’t told him that we’ve…uh…kissed and…that we’re together. I wasn’t sure you’d want people to know yet.”

Ignis pondered that for a moment. “Gladio knows about…the kissing. I let that slip, but he knew something was going on. I am not sure I want the general public knowing, but friends and family I think would be alright.” He stroked Noct’s cheek, “Prompto almost walked in on us the other day, I think it might be wise to let him know.”

Noct snorted, grabbing Ignis’ hand, “if you didn’t look all sexy pulling your gloves on, I might have…yeah, no, that wasn’t gonna work, I still would’ve tried to jump you.”

Ignis blinked down at him, “err…what?”

Covering his mouth to hide his giggles, Noct shook his head, “you really have no clue what you do to people, do you? You don’t have to try to seduce people, you just do it walking into a room.”

“Utterly ridiculous,” Ignis scoffed. And impossible. Noct was biased, and obviously needed an eye exam, sweet as it was for him to say it.


	15. Falling

“I _knew_ it!”

Ignis wrenched himself out of Noct’s embrace to stumble back, while the Prince blinked, dazed at his friend who was pointing at the pair of them accusingly.

There was no hope of salvaging the situation, nor deflecting. Prompto had _seen_ them. Seen Ignis sucking at Noct’s tongue like it was the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted, which, yes, it was, however that did not exactly help the situation.

Noct’s lips twisting in a grimace of apology.

Noct had meant to tell Prompto before literally being caught in the act, but, just as Ignis couldn’t resist the temptation of his lips, Noct couldn’t resist the need to let him taste. So it had been put off for another day and well, now, here they were. Noct blushing furiously, lips swollen, Ignis attempting to vanish through the floor in mortification and Prompto looking like he’d won the lottery, or a chocobo.

“Err…” Ignis mumbled, trying desperately to remember what _words_ were.

“Shit,” Noct hissed, toeing at the carpet.

Prompto bounced closer, smacking Noct on the back, gleeful, smile wide. “I _knew_ it,” he repeated. He pointed at Noct, “you, my dude, have been acting weird. I haven’t had to listen to you bein’ all angsty for days.” He spun and pointed at Ignis, “and you, well, you’re here all the time, but then you’re always here, but…yeah, anyway…” His beaming smile got wider, eyes crinkling, “you were suckin’ face.”

Ignis very nearly choked.

“Snogging,” Prompto crowed. He leaned forward, poking Noct in the chest, “kiiiiissing,” he sang. He threw his hands in the air dramatically, “finally! My work here is done. Best wing man everrrrr.” His grin turned devious. “Do you need me to leave?” he asked, with added eyebrow wiggle for extra ridiculousness.

“Yes,” Noct hissed.

“No,” Ignis blurted out desperately at the same time. He pointedly ignored the fact Noct was trying to catch his gaze, shoving his glasses up his nose. “I…I was about to start dinner.”

Noct gazed up at him after they’d eaten and Prompto departed, sly grin firmly in place as he waved at them from the door. Noct’s own smile was bright, dazzling and Ignis’ breath caught in his throat, the now familiar fluttery feeling in his stomach starting anew at the look he was being given.

“Um,” Noct mumbled, ducking his head, cheeks turning pink. “Would you…stay? Tonight. With me.”

Ignis paled, stiffening. “I…I am not sure that’s prudent.”

Blue eyes pin him from under his long lashes, Ignis freezing in place. The gaze is almost predatory, making Ignis shiver. Then Noct blinks, shaking his head as if to clear it, then he stalked forward to place his hand on Ignis’ chest.

The look he gave Ignis now was pleading. If anyone ever told him the Prompto had the puppy dog eye thing down, Ignis would heartily disagree. Noct is an expert.

“Please,” he whined, adding a seductive flutter of lashes for additional emphasis. His fingers trace mindless patterns over Ignis chest. “We don’t have to do anything, I just want to wake up with you there.”

Oh dear Gods, Ignis is weak.

Sensing victory, Noct pressed on, “you have pajamas here, right, and a change of clothes. It would mean you don’t have to get up so early to come get me.” Then he adds the final blow. “We could snuggle all night.”

They’ll be clothed, Ignis reasons with himself. Just snuggling. It sounds utterly divine and Ignis nodded minutely.

“Alright.”

Of the mistakes Ignis had made in his life, agreeing to sleep in Noct’s bed was right up there as the most phenomenally stupid thing he had ever done. Yes, he was dressed in his pajamas. Yes, Noct was also dressed for sleep, though his version was a little less _formal_ sleepwear and a little more things that he had thrown on at the last minute. And, yes, holding Noct was lovely. Could he sleep? Absolutely bloody not.

One sleepless night holding Noct was not enough to dissuade Ignis from climbing into the Prince’s bed again. And again. It was habit forming, snuggling up to Noct’s back, breathing in the scent of him, listening to his breaths even out. He got to see Noct relaxed, see him blink awake and smile when he saw Ignis there with him.

He didn’t stay every night, that would have been a true test of endurance, but he did cave enough that eventually he began to settle a little and actually sleep.

It made him complacent.

Not that he was completely unaware of what was going through Noct’s mind, there had been subtle hints, then not so subtle hints, that he wanted a little more than what Ignis was currently giving. Ignis was aroused and scared in equal measure.

And he was becoming aware of the difference between allowing Noct to touch him, and initiating the contact himself, but he was still hesitant to do so. Something Noct was starting to notice, so sleeping in his bed seemed like a way to placate the sad expression Noct would make whenever Ignis didn’t reach for him.

It wasn’t that there was no desire to do so. The complete opposite. Becoming erect at the slightest provocation was testament to that. Sleeping curled up behind Noct meant angling his hips away to hide how hard he was, it meant being careful where he let Noct’s hands wander. It meant masturbating in the shower, sheepishly exiting and avoiding Nocts’ gaze.

As much as he tried, his own body was betraying him.

It couldn’t last forever.

His first failure at holding back was spectacular.

So very weary of not doing what they both wanted. Harder than Titan in his pants every time they touched in some way.

When Noct pushed him back onto the couch, Ignis went willingly, whimpering into their kisses.

Ignis moaned, the hitch in his breath obvious even to his ears, through the blood pounding in his veins. The intensity of what he was feeling and experiencing sending him reeling, only anchored by Noct laying over him, peppering his face with breathless kisses as his groin rolled against Ignis’. Ignis clutched at him desperately, unable to keep his voice down, thoroughly embarrassed by the sounds coming out of his throat.

“Oh Gods,” Ignis whispered, clinging onto Noct more tightly. He could feel all his control dissipating like smoke on the breeze. He struggled to remain grounded, to not lose that last little scrap. He sought out Noct’s mouth, whining in the back of his throat when their lips met, his own feeling bruised from all the previous kisses shared between them. It made them tingle, but Ignis wasn’t entirely sure that was because of their abused state or the fact it was Noct pressing against them.

Noct’s tongue slid over the seam of his lips and Ignis’ opened them, almost instinctual in his response, visceral in his need to feel more. Noct’s hand slid down to his hip, tugging at his shirt and Ignis froze, desperately grabbing the wandering hand to lace their fingers together before Noct could worm it under the fabric and feel.

His boyfriend made an inquisitive noise, but Ignis distracted him with a roll up of his hips, mashing their groins together.

That action, repeated over and over, was fast creating another issue. Noct groaned with each motion their bodies created, the sound of that alone enough to have Ignis spiraling, but combined with the hot press of Noct over his groin and chest, Ignis was fast approaching a precipice. The coil and flip in his gut told him what was coming, but he too addled to stop it in time.

Ignis’ hips jerked up, his whole form tensed, and then it was too late. There was no hope of stopping it, his vision spotting, limbs tingling.

Then he fell over the edge, a broken sob wrenched from his mouth as he felt the evidence spurting from him into his underwear. Noct, oblivious, continued rubbing, sighing after a moment, shuddering in Ignis’ arms.

Ignis’ breathing, already laboured from their exertions, came faster as the realisation washed over him.

No. No. Noct couldn’t see him like this. He was going to lose it, circling into a panic attack and mortified by what had just happened.

Minutes. They had only been kissing for minutes and Ignis had come in his pants.

Trying to keep his movements calm, Ignis gently pushed Noct back so not to alarm him, wincing at the wet mess in his underwear. Noct blinked at him, looking dazed, lips swollen, eyes dilated, cheeks flushed, hair an absolute mess. Ignis had no doubt he looked the same.

He cleared his throat, “I…I have to go.”

Noct blinked at him again, uncomprehending, then it bloomed, confusion replacing it. “Oh.”

That one word tore at Ignis’ heart, but other concerns continued to intrude and Ignis sat up completely, depositing Noct on the couch. He stood, turning his face away, breathing in through his nose, out through his mouth, trying to hold off the inevitable. If he had any hope of halting it in its tracks he had to get out and now.

He stumbled his way away from the couch, hand seeking blindly for a dining chair to gather his balance, steady himself. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

And fled.

The panic attack was delayed, but not evaded. He made it as far as a floor down, seeking out a private corner in the communal laundry to cram himself into a corner and ride it out. When it was over he was exhausted, and still a sweaty sticky mess, running shaky hands through his hair. His legs were wobbly when he stood, leaning against the wall for support before he managed to gather himself together enough to head further down the building. Using the stairwell. There was no possible way he could stand to be in the elevator with all it’s shiny reflective surfaces.


	16. Long Awaited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, so this chapter will hopefully make up for it. We have a little learning, a little talk about premature ejaculation, and a lot of honesty from Ignis. It's a slightly longer chapter to make up for me being a slack ass.

“I came in my fucking pants,” Noct hissed into the phone. Ignis froze. What? “It was feelin’ so good and he was kissing me, and that was amazing and I was… Fuck, it just felt so good even for just those few minutes, I couldn’t help it.”

Ignis pressed himself against the wall so Noct wouldn’t spot him eavesdropping like a cretin. His hand flew to his mouth. Noct had come too. It wasn’t just him that had been so turned on by what they were doing. That was a revelation of epic proportions.

Ignis guessed it had to be Prompto that Noct was confiding in, wishing it were him that his boyfriend could say such a thing to, yet Ignis had not allowed him the time to do so. He’d run.

He peered around the corner, spotting Noct standing by the floor to ceiling windows, head down, phone to his ear, one hand pressed to the glass.

“I…I don’t know, he…he seemed like he enjoyed what was happening and then I came and he…he just left.” Noct sighed, “maybe, but…he said he was sorry and left.” Noct’s head thunked against the glass making Ignis wince. “I think I fucked up. He’s been so weird around me lately, and I thought we had worked it out.” Noct’s voice cracked, Ignis’ stomach dropping through the floor. “It’s like he doesn’t want to touch me.” He paused again, listening to whatever Prompto had to say on the other end. “I can’t help it, I just…I want to be with him so bad, and he’s so… He’s so fucking hot I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m near him, but most of the time it doesn’t matter coz he leaves. What if…what if there’s someone else?”

Tears pricked at Ignis’ eyes. Oh no. He had to fix this. He couldn’t let Noct think like that, he loved him so much and to think Noct was so confused and hurting because of what he’d hidden from him made him feel terrible. Making his way back to the door, Ignis opened and closed it, much louder this time to alert Noct to his presence, rounding the corner he’d just hidden behind to spot Noct looking startled, whispering into his phone then tossing it aside as he looked at Ignis.

Closed off, worried.

Ignis bit his lip, walking to Noct slowly, “I am so sorry about…the other day.” Noct’s brow furrowed under his fringe of hair, blue eyes wary. Ignis held out his hand as an offering, Noct hesitating to take it before lacing their fingers together with a relieved sigh.

“What did I do? Was it because I…was too quick?” A flush deepened on Noct’s cheeks, ducking his head. “I didn’t mean to, it just felt so good.”

Ignis closed the distance to him, startling Noct by making the first move, knuckles stroking his pink cheek, “no, you did absolutely nothing wrong, Noct. It was me. I…” How to word this? “I got overwhelmed, I suppose. You weren’t the only one who…ahem…got too excited. I was ashamed of what had happened and I…I…”

“You…came too?” Noct bit his lip as he peered up at Ignis from beneath his hair.

Ignis swallowed, trying not to get lost in that pretty gaze, so trusting, hopeful. He nodded, his own face heating in a blush. Noct slumped against him, arms looped around his waist, face pressed into his neck. Ignis threaded his fingers through ink locks, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, “I am so sorry, Noct.” He sighed, deciding Noct at least deserved some of the truth. “I don’t know what I am doing. I love you so much and I don’t want to push you away, but I end up doing it anyway. I really don’t want to.”

“It’s ok, Speccy,” Noct mumbled into his neck, hot breath puffing against his skin.

Ignis pulled back so he could see him properly, “no, it’s not ok, Noct. I worried you. That is the last thing I want to do.” His head bent forward to rest their foreheads together, inhaling deeply, drawing Noct’s scent into his lungs. “There _is_ more going on with me, but I…I don’t think I am quite ready to speak of it yet. You deserve the truth, and I will give it to you, I just need some time. Is that alright?”

Noct stiffened in his hold, twisting his head away, “is it someone else?” His voice sounded so small, frightened.

Ignis cupped his face, making their eyes meet, “no, never. It’s only ever been you, it will only ever be you for me. You are the only one I can trust with even this much, to even think about telling it all, though there are people who know part of it, they don’t know the whole, including my parents. I…I have been hiding this part of myself from everyone. It’s me, only me, no-one else is involved in this…issue.”

Noct searched his gaze, relaxing slowly, “ok, I believe you, and I’ll wait for you to tell me the rest.”

“Oh Gods,” Ignis moaned, writhing on Noct’s bed, Noct’s hand down his pants, stroking his cock. His own hand around himself was one thing, but having someone else touch him so intimately, and it being Noct doing it was…overwhelming. The way his hand felt, stroking along his shaft, then teasing around the head was so lovely. He grabbed at Noct, thrusting his tongue into his mouth urgently, messily, moaning as Noct curled his fist and twisted on the up stroke. Ignis’ hips left the bed, arching up into the touch, unable to contain his little gasp of pleasure as he was stroked faster. He fumbled wildly at Noct’s pants, unbuttoning blindly as he sought to give Noct as much pleasure as he was receiving.

Noct keened when Ignis got his hand inside his pants and started with a light grip, learning the shape of him, flirting his fingers around the crown, then down the shaft to the base.

Neither of them had enough room.

Noct wriggled his own pants down his thighs and Ignis got on board with that. They still were mostly dressed, it was alright, nothing to panic about. He could do this. 

“Oh,” Ignis gasped as Noct laid over him, rubbing their members together in a sinful, filthy slide. Noct moaned into Ignis’ mouth as they rutted their hips in time, grinding against one another. It felt wonderful. But not quite enough.

Ignis wriggled his hands down between them and wrapped his fingers around them both, Noct whining as he stroked them together, faster and faster, hands gliding up and down, using both hands as his hips lifted on each stroke. Noct planted his hands by Ignis’ head and rolled his pelvis into Ignis’ fist.

“Shit, that’s…” Noct trailed off, his cock twitching against Ignis’.

Ignis bit his lip, his balls tightening, his stomach clenching, “ahh…” He was leaking profusely, creating more of a glide which was absolutely going to tip him over the edge, his cock throbbing with the need to release. “I…Astrals…I’m…”

Noct beat him to it, his hips jerking faster and then Ignis felt him tense over him, panting into his mouth, and a sudden pulse against his palm and his own cock as Noct spilled over his fist. That sent Ignis tumbling over the abyss with him, his vision going white momentarily.

When he regained his senses, Noct was slumped over him, breath hot on his sweaty neck. Ignis tried to catch his breath, easing his hands out from between where they were squished and wiped his hands on the sheet distractedly.

Noct heaved up and off with a groan, flopping onto his back with a dopey grin, neither of them bothering to set their underwear and pants to rights, laying there with their softening cocks glistening obscenely.

Ignis couldn’t care. He was riding the euphoria of what had just happened, his mind quiet and still.

This intimacy thing was rather nice.

Ignis bit his lip, halting Noct’s hand as it reached for the bedside lamp, “can we leave it off, p…please?” Noct shot him a quick look, noting the panic in Ignis’ eyes and withdrew his hand slowly. Ignis let out a breath, closing his eyes.

Despite Noct not knowing quite what was going on with him, he’d simply done as Ignis asked, trusted he had a reason. It was that simple action that had Ignis needing to tell him, confess the whole truth.

Sex was…messy, and sticky, and very much not what Ignis had expected. It was wonderful. The feel of Noct against him, the way they moved together, the insistent press of lips and hands and…

Oh, dear Astrals, it felt so nice, and yet, Ignis was aware that it could be so much better if he could just let go. 

His eyes had adjusted to the faint light in the room, able to make out Noct’s form, drinking in the details he could see, wishing for more, yet held back by his own need to hide. He hated it. Hated that he felt the need to hide himself from the man he loved. He wanted to see Noct properly, but that would mean that Noct could see _him_ , see all the flaws he tried to hide so diligently.

Even so, it was even better than the last time, both of them with their pajama bottoms pushed down their thighs, Ignis pushing the tip of his cock into Noct’s ass as he bent over him, Noct on all fours, panting and whining. The moment Ignis was completely sheathed inside him it had become overwhelming, both of them only lasting several thrusts before they came.

This time, Noct was riding him, ass lifting up and down, head buried in Ignis’ neck, their moans echoing around them.

Ignis was on the very edge of coming, only minutes in, but Noct was so bloody tight and warm and slick from the lube he’d used to open him up. Add that to the fact that it was _Noct_ rising and falling on his length and Ignis was lost in sensation. That Noct was leaking profusely all over Ignis’ stomach, his cock throbbing and twitching as they moved together, was the one thing keeping Ignis from being utterly embarrassed that this was going to end startling quick. Again.

“N…Noct…I…slow down…” he moaned desperately, gripping Noct’s hips and forcing him to slow down. Noct whined, but settled, taking Ignis to the hilt, his ass convulsing a little as he panted into Ignis’ neck.

“What’s wrong?” Noct muttered into his hair, fingers still digging into Ignis’ shoulders.

Ignis swallowed thickly, mouth dry, “I…I don’t want to…finish so soon.” He buried his face in Noct’s hair before the Prince could see his embarrassed expression. “I’m so close already, you feel so…”

They both tried, struggling to keep some semblance of control, but still, only minutes after Ignis’ plea, both were lost to the bliss of orgasm, clutching at each other.

Admittedly, even Ignis could see that they were both new to sex, it was hardly unexpected they would be a little overwhelmed.

Noct smiled at him sheepishly, wiping his stomach and Ignis’, “sorry. It’s just…so much.”

Ignis tossed the towel Noct was using aside, deciding that a thorough shower would suffice in the morning, “I know, believe me, I know,” he murmured ruefully. He scrubbed a hand over his face, thankful for the darkened room hiding some of his blush as he tugged his pajama pants back on and struggled into the top without leaving the bed. Shining blue eyes found his and Ignis tucked them both under the covers, sighing, “pornography has a lot to answer for.”

Noct choked, “you watch porn?” he gasped in shock.

Again thankful for the scant light in the room, Ignis nodded, “only for research purposes. It has unfortunately given me expectations I cannot hope to meet.” Mortifying and arousing expectations.

A shrug jostled his shoulder as Noct snuggled into his side, “I dunno, felt pretty good to me.”

Ignis winced. He heard the hint of reproach and insecurity creeping into Noct’s tone. “No, please, I am not saying it was bad, not this time, nor the first time. Far from it. You felt divine, Noct, truly.” He paused, “I…I don’t think I should watch any more. It has only succeeded in creating a sense of inadequacy.”

Noct shrugged again, “you’re not a porn star, neither am I. We were both virgins not long ago.” He tilted his head up to kiss Ignis’ cheek. “We’ll get better at it, Specs. We just need practise.”

Ignis couldn’t help his snort. “When did you become so wise?”

Noct chuckled and half sat up, spreading his fingers, “orgasm brain.” He made a noise like an explosion, “I swear, it’s like everything is so simple after I come. I’ll get stupid again soon.”

Ignis giggled, pulling him back down to hug his ridiculous boyfriend. 

“Noct, there is somewhere I’d like to take you, not a date, though I would like that too,” he hastened to add when Noct’s eyes lit up. “It’s to do with the issue that I haven’t discussed.” Noct tilted his head to one side, brow raised. “There is a…person, a professional person, that I speak to. About everything. She helps me work through these things that…hold me back.”

Noct nodded, “like a doctor?”

Ignis let out a breath slowly. It was time. “Yes, a doctor, or more specifically, a therapist.” He studied Noct’s reaction, finding no judgement, he plowed on. Tugging Noct’s hand to lead him to sit down on the couch, he kept hold of Noct’s hand to ground himself. “I have been seeing her since I was little, around nine or so.”

“Does she help?”

Ignis nodded, “yes, she does, but my problems are…difficult.” He rubbed his thumb over Noct’s knuckles, “remember when we had that fight and you said I looked scared, that it wasn’t like me?”

“Yeah,” Noct said hesitantly. “You said that it _was_ you.”

Ignis closed his eyes, “that’s because it is. I…I have been suffering with panic attacks since I was young. I am not sure why I am susceptible to them, but when I get anxious, sometimes I can’t calm down and, well, the result isn’t pretty. Various things can trigger one.”

Noct regarded him cautiously, “is that what happened when we both…” he waved his hand at his groin vaguely. “You know.”

Ignis took a deep breath, “yes. I was on the verge of one as I left. My body goes into flight or fight response, in a way. The best way I can describe it is that there is a traffic jam in my head, horns blaring, while I can’t seem to breathe, my body won’t do what I want it to, my heart races so fast I feel like it’s coming out of my chest. I feel the need to…huddle in a corner and hide. I do have techniques to help, but sometimes they don’t work and I refuse to medicate as I can function most of the time without them, until…until something triggers it.”

“What sort of things?” Noct asked softly, squeezing his hand in reassurance. “I wanna help you avoid those things.”

Ignis shook his head. “It is better for me not to avoid, but prepare. It’s one reason I like to have contingency plans for things. It allows me to know as many possible outcomes as I can. As for what happened _that_ day... I was ashamed and scared, and it just snowballed from there. Intimacy is…hard for me. A part of that is…my therapist diagnosed me with body dysmorphia.”

Noct frowned, “what does that mean, Speccy?”

How to explain? “When you look in the mirror, you see you, you might see flaws, but they are a minor thing, they don’t particularly concern you. When I look in the mirror, I see…I see…I don’t see what you see when you look at me. Every flaw is…magnified so that it consumes me. Where one person might pick out a flaw or two about themselves, I can catalogue every single one, whether others see them as flaws or not, to me they are.” He tried to smile and failed, “it started in school, I suppose. I was teased a lot for how I looked and I have never really gained any confidence about that.”

Noct shifted, taking both his hands, “but, you’re gorgeous, Speccy.”

Ignis shook his head in denial, “that’s not what I see. And I struggle to understand why you think that way about me. I see acne scars, the awful bump in my nose, my mouth is too wide. My legs are too long, my ass too flat, I can’t build muscle well…” He trailed off lest he descended down the rabbit hole. “The list to me is endless. I know I am doing it, but you could pick anything about my appearance and I would have a problem with it. I feel I will forever be dorky, ugly Ignis.”

Noct’s eyes started to well with tears, drawing Ignis close, “oh shit, and I’ve tried to make you do things you weren’t comfortable with, haven’t I.”

“No, no, don’t think that. I don’t want you to feel guilty. I am telling you this so you understand why I have been so reluctant to show myself to you, but I truly _want_ to believe in what you see. I have tried to make myself feel better about myself, changing my wardrobe helped a little, Crowns guard training also assisted, but other things…well, not so much. Being naked terrifies me.” He withdrew his hands from Noct’s and cupped his face, “but with you, I want to try. I don’t want to be scared to bare myself to you.”

“Okay,” Noct murmured, nuzzling his hand against his cheek, “so you want me to go see your therapist with you?”

Ignis nodded, “I think that Dr. Cadeus can explain things that I might not be able to effectively, or if you have questions you can ask her. I want this relationship to work, Noct and I think this might help. I’m asking a lot, I know that…”

Noct cut him off, “no more than dating a Prince, Ignis.” He gave Ignis a wry grin, “we both have things that the other needs to deal with.”

Ignis could only blink at him. Noct was right.


	17. Advice and Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so sorry this took so long, I really hope the next chapters won't be as late.

Dr. Cadeus smiled at Noct gently, welcoming, gesturing to her sofa for them both to sit, “Ignis told me you were coming with him, I am very pleased to meet you, Noctis.” She settled back in her own chair, crossing her legs, “do you mind if I check in with Ignis first, it’s what we always do.”

Noct grinned, liking her immediately, “yeah, sure, as long as Speccy doesn’t mind me staying for that.”

Ignis took his hand, “no, of course not.” He looked back to his therapist, “I have started to tell him everything, at least the highlights, if you will. I don’t want to hide anything from him.”

Dr. Cadeus beamed, “that is progress in itself, Ignis.” She proceeded to speak with Ignis about how he had been the few weeks since his last appointment with her, Ignis detailing his thoughts and how many times he had been overwhelmed. “Not exercising too much?” Her pen hovered over her notes.

“No, only what I am required to maintain and strengthen,” Ignis answered.

“Can I ask about that?” Noct piped up, curious. 

“Mmm, yes.” Dr. Cadeus raised her head, “people with Ignis’ condition can tend to focus overly on muscle mass, and that can be detrimental. Exercise is good for his body image, but going too far is not good for his health. He has a lithe frame, what he does now is just perfect for him.”

“I wanted to look like Gladio for quite a while, but I understand that is not…viable for me.” Ignis bit his lips, eyes flicking to Noct for a moment.

“Well, thank fuck for that,” Noct muttered. “I like you how you are.”

Ignis blushed and his therapist chuckled, “on that we agree. Ignis showed me a photo of this Gladio once. I can see the appeal, but not everyone is built to be like that.” Her attention shifted back to Ignis, “makeup? How long does your grooming take?”

“An hour with my shower, dressing, my hair and shaving. Just foundation and mascara, my skin is better now.”

Dr. Cadeus narrowed her eyes at him, “weekends? Are you letting your skin breathe?”

“Yes,” Ignis answered, a little terse.

“Ignis?” Her brow raised at his tone.

“It covers the scars,” he defended himself. He stared back at her defiantly for a moment, then slumped a little, “I’ll try, I know it just makes me break out.”

“The mascara?”

He inhaled deeply, “fine, but maybe I could get my lashes dyed…”

“Ignis,” she sighed. “A little in the way of cosmetic enhancement is fine, you know that, but it’s also good for you to see the real you, you know the path to enhancement is a slippery slope. I would much rather you didn’t go down it.” She leaned forward, “you have a very pretty face, there is no need to hide it or change it.”

“It is not pretty,” Ignis huffed.

“Is too,” both Dr. Cadeus and Noct retorted at the same time.

Ignis scowled at them both.

“I like you,” Dr. Cadeus chuckled at Noct. “You can’t cater to it, you don’t draw attention to things he thinks are flaws, but when he is being like that, tell him, won’t you.” She smiled like a smug cat at Ignis still fuming silently, “he chose me because I tell him the truth and don’t sugar coat it. Even if it pisses him off.”

“Can I praise what I like?” Noct asked her.

“Well, yes, but when he starts fretting about his appearance, steer the conversation away. Celebrate the small victories, like if he decides to go bare faced,” she said pointedly looking at Ignis. “You shouldn’t try to commiserate by listing your own insecurities about your appearance, that doesn’t help him. And, I don’t think I need to tell you to not mock his feelings about certain things, they are very real as far as he is concerned.”

“What about Ignis’ anxiety?”

Dr. Cadeus consulted her notes, “he’s only had a few episodes of late and could pinpoint why he was triggered.” She spoke directly to Ignis who was starting to settle out of his huff, “you are very good at that, Ignis, just remember that having a panic attack is not a failure.”

“I know,” his tone was still a touch petulant, but he knew she meant well and was trying to help him. She _had_ helped him a great deal over the years he’d been seeing her. He’d be in a much worse state if it weren’t for her. “Apologies for acting childish.”

“Accepted,” she said simply. “Now then, are there any other issues you’d like to discuss?”

Ignis glanced at Noct hesitantly, “would you mind if I spoke to Dr. Cadeus alone for a moment?”

Noct pecked his cheek, “no worries, I’ll wait outside.”

Ignis fiddled with his fingers while Noct left, raising his head eventually, his therapist waiting patiently for him to speak.

“Noct and I, we have been trying to be…intimate.”

She hummed, making a note, “and how has that gone?”

“You know there had been no-one before him, and the first time we…I…things were a little premature.”

“Ahh,” she said, picking up on what he was inferring. “Feelings about that?”

“Shame, humiliation…panic. I rushed out before he had a chance to tell me he had done the same, I had a mild attack after I got out of the apartment. We talked about it later, not everything, I left out the panic attack part, but I told him that a few days ago. And about the dysmorphia.” He took a deep breath, “between then and now, we have…we have had sex a few times, but either with clothes still mostly on or in the dark where he couldn’t see me.”

“It’s still a step, Ignis. Take it for the victory it is. You are new to this, longevity takes time to achieve for everyone. Is Noct experienced?”

He shook his head, “no.”

“Then you will be learning together, and I sincerely doubt he’s going to judge you if he’s feeling the same thing.”

“But, how are we going to enjoy it if everything is over in minutes?”

“But, Ignis, did you enjoy it?” He nodded and ducked his head. “Did Noctis?” Another nod. She sat back, thinking for a moment. “This is hardly my area of expertise, but how about mutual masturbation, plenty of foreplay, let yourselves reach climax before you start on anything like penetration. As I said, longevity takes practise, but with the masturbation and foreplay as a mutual activity, it can help with not only taking the edge off, but intimacy as well.” She grinned at him as he took that in, “plus, it can just be fun, Ignis. Don’t over think it. Prepare, but not obsess.”

Ignis rolled his eyes at her, “noted.”

She winked at him, “also, research edging, could be very eye opening.”

Ignis blanched, “I think our time is up.”

She grinned at him again, then turned a little more serious, “I think Noct is another safe place for you, Ignis. Let him be. Confide in him, let him know how you are feeling, like how you do with your parents, they’ll help him too. And you.”

His body felt like it was a storm personified, thunder in his heart beat, lighting sparking through his veins, and it all felt so wonderful, so incomparable to anything before that Ignis dazedly wondered if everyone felt like this.

What they had indulged in before had been amazing, even if Ignis had been in the throes of panic throughout each experience, so worried about performance and coming so fast and the mess of emotions thrumming through him that it had taken some of the shine off it.

But this held a timeless beauty to it, decadent as Noct’s hands explored him and he explored in turn, wonderfully eager to discover what he’d kept from them with his hesitance and anxiety. There was none of that now.

Noct leaned back, hands planted firmly on Ignis’ panting chest, his eyes hooded as he trailed them over Ignis’ form. The urge to squirm, to cover, was still there, but less insistent than before, especially with Noct’s reverent gaze on him, assuring.

“You’re so beautiful,” Noct whispered.

Ignis blushed and bit his lip, but there was no further demurring on his part, allowing Noct to praise him for once. Better still, he believed it. Believed, that in Noct’s eyes, he was beautiful. He reached up, hand sliding from Noct’s bare hip to his chest then up to his cheek, Noct leaning into the touch with a sigh. For the first time he felt seen, really seen, and there’s no anxiety about it.

“So are you,” Ignis said, voice soft. It occurred to Ignis in a flash of clarity, that lovers were usually the only ones to see the secret side of one’s self, all the places that even when simply bare, still weren’t seen. There were the physical things, places on his body that no-one before Noct had seen, or touched, or lavished with attention. Places that he had no inkling would light him up from within.

The emotional impact had him reeling.

With Ignis laid out on the bed, completely naked, Noct began to worship him, pressing kisses into skin, fingers flirting over flesh. He discovered that he was very sensitive to Noct’s touch regardless of where on his body it was, but there were places he truly hadn’t expected to elicit lewd noises from his mouth. When Noct licked and sucked at the webbing between his thumb and forefinger, Ignis mewled softly, staring down at Noct in shock and arousal. The inside of his wrist, then his inner elbow had Ignis cupping Noct’s head.

The dip of his throat, his clavicles, his sternum, the lower edge of his pectoral muscles all had him groaning fitfully, starting to writhe at the attention. When Noct bit one of his nipples, Ignis squeaked making Noct giggle.

Down his abdomen, a swirl of tongue around his navel, then Noct shocked him further by abandoning his exploration to slide between his legs. Ignis blinked as Noct hiked one leg up, kisses placed over the inside of his knee. Ignis had no time to wonder if Noct found them knobbly or not, immediately overwhelmed by more sucking kisses trailed up his inner thigh. But Noct wasn’t done with his explorations, hand sliding up the back of that same thigh to the crease that joined ass to firm flesh.

“Oh my,” Ignis whispered as Noct traced over the sensitive line usually hidden from sight. When he looked down, Noct was gazing right back at him, love shining clear and present in his eyes. While his hands were exploring every dip and valley of Ignis’ body, he was watching Ignis’ reactions. It was then that Ignis truly understood that what they had was beyond how either looked, it was all about heart, soul. It was trust, respect, and deep abiding love. Tears welled in his eyes, Noct’s brow furrowing in concern.

“Ignis?”

“Y…you love me, you truly do love me,” Ignis whispered, voice breaking over the words.

Noct’s frown melted away as he understood what Ignis meant. He reached out, hand to his face, “yeah, I do, I really, really do.”

Ignis’ lip wobbled, the tears that had been threatening beginning to fall, “I…I thought I knew that, but…”

“Deep down you weren’t completely sure,” Noct finished for him. Ignis nodded helplessly as Noct brushed his thumb under Ignis’ eye. “I’ll make sure you always know, ok?”

Ignis captured Noct’s hand, kissing the palm, “and you need never doubt that I love you. I would do _anything_ for you.” He sucked in a deep breath to calm himself, “always.”

Noct smiled at him, “I know.” Absolute conviction laced his tone and Ignis trusted that too. “Are you alright?”

Ignis’ smile was crooked, but totally happy, “yes, I think I am.” In more ways than one.

“Do you want to stop?”

Ignis shook his head, “no, please Noct. Keep going. You’re making me feel…wonderful.” Noct did keep going then, Ignis feeling like his blood was crackling under his skin with each new touch. He parts his thighs wider, a clear invitation, allowing his lover complete access to him, sighing when he felt trembling slick fingers fondle his balls. Then drift lower.

“You’re sure about this?” Noct sounded confused still, despite Ignis assuring him earlier that he very much wants this switch in roles.

Ignis gasped, raw and wanting, wanton even, when Noct’s fingers flirted with his rim. “I am very sure. I…” How to explain so Noct understands? “I…you let me inside you, now I want to let you inside me.”

Blue eyes positively glow down at him. He understood. Ignis wasn’t just talking physically. Though that is what they are doing, but he means in every way possible. Noct’s throat bobbed as he nodded shakily.

“I…I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered.

Ignis arched his back, bearing down on the finger threatening to breach his ass, “you won’t,” he asserted. Biting his lip, “I have a toy like the one…”

Noct’s eyes widened in recognition. “Oh. Oh, ok, right.”

Once that little confession had been made, Ignis can’t seem to stop more flowing from his mouth. “When I found yours, I…Gods…” he stuttered to a stop as Noct’s slick finger finally entered him properly. Oh, that was good. Odd, different to his toy, but most definitely good. “I…I used mine that night…” He halted again as Noct slid it in and out tentatively. “Mmm,” he hummed, lifting his hips again. “I…I thought of you while I was…using it. I…I always think…of you.”

“Fuck,” Noct hissed. “I did the same,” he added as he slid his finger deeper. “I…all I could think about was that you’d touched it, that I could pretend it was your fingers in me”

Well…that’s an image Ignis won’t get out of his head for a rather long time. Not that he would want to.

He sighed, relaxing on the bed as Noct slid another finger in, slowly easing them in and out. He had the impression he could reach orgasm just on Noct’s fingers. In fact, in light of his therapist’s advice, that was a very good idea.

“M…make me come, then keep going…”

Noct’s fingers halted, “ugh, what?”

Ignis raised his head to find Noct blinking at him. “It might help me last a little longer when you are…inside me. I want to…I want us to really experience this.”

Teeth dug into Noct’s lip, “yeah, ok, might be an idea for me to as well, you know, coz I’ll be the one in you.” Then he snickered, “fuck, this is really bad dirt talk, isn’t it.”

Ignis joined him in giggling until Noct crooked his fingers and then all he could see were stars. Astrals! No wonder Noct was on a hair trigger if that was a indication of what it felt like. He lost capacity for speech, distantly aware of his own debauched moans as Noct took him at his word. It was nothing like his experiences with his toys, not even remotely close.

He felt Noct’s other arm moving against his thigh, groaning when he realised what he was doing, listening to the sounds of them both panting. 

After the brief conversational interlude, Ignis found himself approaching orgasm rapidly, arching into Noct’s hand as it worked between his thighs, his voice quickly becoming raspy as he moaned continually. Then he gasped as wet heat encased the tip of his cock and he blinked, taking in the sight of Noct’s mouth wrapped around him.

It was something they hadn’t really explored as yet, nor even spoken about, and there was Noct just…doing it.

It was heavenly. And overwhelming.

There was no time for him to even warn Noct, hardly even able to take a breath before he was arching, spilling into the delicious heat of Noct’s mouth with a high pitched whine. Noct moaned, sucking at the head of his cock like it was a treat, his other hand working faster over his own length before he pulled away with a long groan and a stuttered gasp.

“Shit,” Noct whispered, out of breath, leaning his head on Ignis’ thigh. He stilled his fingers inside Ignis, giving them both a moment to recover.

Ignis, only just coherent after his orgasm, could hardly comprehend that Noct had just swallowed his come. “Astrals,” he whispered, staring up at the ceiling in awe. Noct huffed a laugh and crawled up over him, planting his now free hand beside Ignis’ head and leaning down to kiss him softly. Ignis hummed into it, then groaned as Noct started moving his fingers inside him again. His body is still tingling, his veins on fire, everything feels so…much, but he can’t bear the thought of stopping for even a moment.

He wants more, more, more.

He had no notion that he was chanting the words, not until Noct complied with his fervent demand, adding a third finger, shifting so that he was laying beside Ignis, peppering his neck and collar bones with desperate kisses.

“Good?” Noct murmured into his neck.

All Ignis could do was nod eagerly, clutching at the sheet under him. He whined, writhing as Noct slid his fingers in and out slowly, trying to be careful, but Ignis was starting to become desperate for more. Wanting to feel Noct inside him, wanting to hold him close. Needing him.

Noct moaned into his ear, rolling his hips against Ignis’ leg, ratcheting Ignis’ desire, making his heart thump harder in his chest. He uncurled his fist and wriggled it down, stroking Noct’s length despite the odd angle, listening to Noct’s breath hitch at the touch, feeling him harden further against his palm.

“Please…”

Noct grunted in response, fumbling with his free hand for the discarded bottle of lube, slipping his fingers free of Ignis’ ass gently. While Noct prepared himself, Ignis arranged his body on the bed, letting his legs drop open as wide as possible, ignoring the faint tug of anxiety at his position, shoving that as far away as possible. Noct loved him. Noct thought he was beautiful, even sweaty and naked. Noct wanted him.

The first press of Noct’s tip against his ass had Ignis mewling, reaching for his boyfriend and urging him down, the desire to kiss him overwhelming all other concerns as Noct let his pelvis roll forward slowly.

“Oh,” he gasped as he was breached, the head snug inside him rim, stretching him. The burn was slight, nothing that could distract him from the pleasure flitting along his veins. 

A whine ripped from Noct’s throat as he held still, Ignis understanding immediately that he was holding back out of consideration. Ignis neither wanted that nor needed it. He wrapped his legs around Noct’s waist, arms looped around his shoulders, his tongue slipping into Noct’s mouth as he pulled him down, lifting his hips to show how much he wanted more. As Noct sheathed himself they both groaned, creating a symphony of lust. Ignis drew in a sharp breath, reveling in the sensation of being filled for the first time in that was, the way it felt so incredibly _right_. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy being in the other position, he very much did, yet this was so…comforting, so reassuring. Feeling Noct quivering above him, his breath rasping against Ignis’ lips as he withdrew almost completely, then pushed in again.

Ignis scrabbled at Noct’s back, clinging to him, tossing his head back, mouth dropping open on gasp after gasp, canting his hips to meet each slow thrust. It was glorious.

Affirming.

He couldn’t even find it in himself to feel embarrassed about the sounds coming from him. While he hadn’t exactly been quiet when making love to Noct, he found himself making the most ridiculous noises when he was on the receiving end. He had never considered that he might be so vocal.

But he was and Noct seemed to enjoy it.

It took them a few moments to find a rhythm that worked for them both, but when they did, Ignis rising precisely when Noct rolled sinuously down into him, it sent sparks along his spine, making his fingers and toes tingle. Every slow drag of Noct’s length in and out had Ignis nearly cross eyed with pleasure, clenching and convulsing. 

Noct kept the pace slow, steady, in an effort for them both to last, but Ignis, though he appreciated it, and indeed had been the one most concerned by how quick they both were, no longer felt that way.

_Quality over quantity._

He laughed breathlessly at the absurd thought as he clung to Noct. As long as it was good, and Gods, was it ever, then it mattered not how long it took. And besides, they could simply go again. It was the attention, the care, the focus that mattered. The love.

They had that in abundance. Foreplay was part of it, not a means to an end. It was a way to show love and attention, affection.

“I love you, I love you,” Ignis chanted hoarsely, crossing his ankles behind Noct’s back and urging him on, deeper, harder, faster. Noct groaned into his neck, pulsing his hips in answer to Ignis plea, murmuring his own love into Ignis’ skin. The way they moved together during sparring was translating spectacularly to bed, undulating together as if they’d been doing it forever. Instinctual almost.

A surge in his belly, heat spreading, tightening, coiling warned Ignis that he didn’t have much longer before he came again, yet this time he leaned into it, reveled in it, clinging to Noct, his cries rising in pitch and volume so that his voice became a rasping thing. Noct groaned in his ear, then captured his mouth, more a sharing of air than a kiss with all the panting.

Noct thrust hard as Ignis succumbed to his orgasm, his whole body trembling with it, distantly noting the way Noct slid in once more, then stilled, mouth still covering Ignis’. They kissed languidly, Ignis trailing his fingers over Noct’s back indulgently, finding a pair of hazy blue eyes searching his.

“That was…” He broke off to giggle breathlessly, burying his face in Noct’s hair, shoulders shaking. “Wow,” he settled on.

Noct snickered, “that good, huh?” He slipped off Ignis, snuggling into his side. “Not much renders you speechless.”

Another giggle left him, “it’s usually you that manages that.” He lifted a hand to curl his fingers in Noct’s slightly sweaty locks, “fantastic, spectacular, outstanding, amazing,” he paused, biting back another giggle. “Orgasmic,” he pronounced.

Noct snorted, poking him in the chest, “sex brain makes me smart and you stupid.” He broke out into the brilliant smile that Ignis loved so very deeply it made him ache, “but, yeah, that was awesome.”

Ignis rolled onto his side, brimming over with happiness, trailing his finger over Noct’s kiss bitten lips, “mmm, give me a moment and I will make you feel just as good.”

Noct groaned, wriggling closer so they pressed flush, ignoring the fact they were both a sticky mess, “Astrals, who knew you’d be so…”

Nibbling at an earlobe, Ignis murmured softly, “insatiable?”

“Yeah, that,” Noct moaned, now thoroughly distracted.


	18. Giving spite the Finger

Three years. Three years was apparently the time allotted for their relationship. A wonderful, eye opening three years. Years of family dinners with Ignis’ mother and father doting on the pair of them, joyful teasing from Prompto, a great deal of eye rolling from Gladio, and educational outings with Regis. Educational in that Ignis hadn’t been quite so aware of the King’s penchant for mischief. Now he knew where Noct got it from. It _had_ been delightful to see Noct and his father managing to get a little time together, and if Ignis could help contribute to that, he was more than happy to do so.

Three years and the shine hadn’t been taken off. Ignis was just as enamoured and smitten as he had always been, utterly besotted with his Prince, reveling in being adored in return.

Three years of increasingly fantastic sex, learning one another’s predilections and desires, what made each other ravenous for more, how to urge on, how to slow down, how to prolong the bliss. Ignis bloomed under the attention, letting the shame about his body fade when they were alone together. He _believed_ Noct loved his body, desired him. He was still shy about it, but trusted that Noct would never betray that. 

Three years of increasing confidence and lessening anxiety.

All until a visiting dignitary had ruined it with one demand.

“ _I only want to marry you, Ignis, no-one else. I don’t want to lose you.”_

Ignis clenched his fists, head down. It was so unfair. It made no sense, it was cruel. Inhaling shakily, he uncurled his fists and steadied himself. Tried to console himself with the thought that he’d had a few years with Noct, tried to resign himself to the farce that was a marriage not to him. He choked down the tears that threatened, shoulders trembling. Noct hadn’t been fooled in the slightest by his attempted stoic behaviour and Ignis felt a little ashamed that he’d tried to cover what he felt. 

“Ignis,” his father murmured softly, stepping up beside him and laying a hand on his shoulder. He’d been silent when Ignis had shown up, red eyed and hunched over on himself, simply ushering him in and taking him into his study, knowing Ignis had always felt calmer in the small space, the order around him.

Ignis raised his head, meeting green eyes so like his own, clouded with worry for him. “I am alright, Papa,” he said.

“No, you’re not.” His father sighed, “it’s not fair, not when you’ve both been so happy, you’re allowed to be upset.” He paused, squeezing Ignis’ shoulder. “What are you going to do?”

Ignis laughed bitterly, “I have to give him up, I have no choice in the matter.” He sucked in a breath, “I wish that Regis had never let us happen, it would have saved us both this pain.”

His father gathered him in, arms around his shoulders, “no, you don’t.”

Ignis broke then, sobbing on his father’s shoulder, clinging to him desperately. His father was right, but it still made him ache unbearably. “Why, _why_ would they ask this? The treaty should be enough, why would they do it?”

“Spite,” was the answer. “Pure spite. They’re doing it to show they can. It serves no purpose other than that. Regis _had_ to agree, he had no more choice in this than you or Noctis.” His father sighed, stroking his back, “he was furious.”

“I’m furious,” Ignis muttered.

“And that is understandable, son.” The elder Scienita stroked his hair, keeping him close. “I’m not exactly sure what the future will hold, Ignis, but I do know that a love like yours is hard to deny.”

“ _Everyone is trying to deny it!_ ” he shouted, appalled at his outburst even as the words left his mouth.

His father remained calm, “no, you aren’t denying it, Noctis isn’t either, I’m not, your mother isn’t, your friends, not even Regis or the Council. The marriage was proposed because no-one has denied it. They know they are hurting Noctis with this, and you. That is the point of it. It’s a power play, pure and simple.” 

A few weeks of utter misery later, Ignis was entering his apartment and squealed in fright.

Umbra. Lady Lunafreya’s dog was sitting on his haunches in the tiny lounge room, staring at him with his head cocked to one side. He approached cautiously, glancing from side to side to see if there were any other interlopers in his personal space.

Ignis squatted down beside the dog, extending his hand for him to sniff. Umbra gave a lazy wag of his tail and licked Ignis’ hand.

“What are you doing here, hmm?” Ignis asked him. He knew the dog somehow understood him, Noct had once told him that Lunafreya had said both her dogs were very…different. The way Umbra would just appear where ever Noct was to deliver the latest missive from his mistress was something Ignis had long ago come to accept. He was one of the very few people that actually _knew_ about Umbra’s visits, Ignis doubted even Prompto knew anything of the dog messenger.

Umbra gave another flop of his tail, staring up at him expectantly, lifting his head to display the scarf around his neck. Ignis frowned. That was a familiar gesture, one he had been privy to many times when the dog delivered a letter from Lunafreya to Noct. He felt around in the scarf and pulled out an envelope. His brows rose in surprise when he saw his own name inked on the front of it. The script was elegant and neat, just his first name and nothing else.

“This is for me?” Umbra stood and licked his face with a little yip as an answer. “Nothing for Noct?” He felt again, in case he had missed the red leather note book. He stared down at the envelope in his hand with more than a touch of trepidation. What could Lunafreya possibly have to say to him. He had never met her, they had never conversed, not even through Noct’s replies to her. He’d only ever seen rare footage of her performing her healing when the Niffs allowed it to be broadcast. He pursed his lips, perhaps Umbra had already been to see Noct already.

It still left the mystery of why he was getting what appeared to be a letter from her.

From what he knew of her, she wasn’t cruel, so a letter to gloat about her marriage to Noct wasn’t likely. He hoped it wasn’t sympathy. That he could barely stand from those he knew well. From someone he didn’t know, it was intolerable.

Umbra yipped again and nudged the hand holding the envelope with his nose, then sat and waited.

“I’m to read this now, I take it.”

He pushed his new glasses up his nose and rose to sit on one of the chairs at his little dining table, fingers trembling as he slid one under the flap and lifted it away. There were several sheets of note paper neatly folded inside and he extracted them with one last glance at Umbra sitting at his feet.

Then he began to read.

_Dearest Ignis,_

_I hope you do not mind you me calling you that, it is just that I have heard so much of you from Noctis that I feel I do know you rather intimately, so please excuse me if you do not find it proper. I will not do you the disservice of asking if you are well, I know that you are not. I am so very sorry that your life has been torn asunder in such a way. Please know that I have as little a say in the situation as Noctis._

_If circumstances were different, I would be proud to be his Queen, we have friendship between us, as I am sure you know, however, it pains me to know that this requirement of the treaty is not what anyone wishes. And I do not wish it, knowing how you and Noctis feel about each other. Royalty rarely have a say in whom they wed, and friendship between spouses is rarer still, a mutual respect is the most one can expect, and I would have been content with that. Noctis being my chosen intended would have been a boon in that respect._

_But not under these circumstances._

_It is patently unfair that Noctis has found love with one that loves him in return and now my captors are trying to tear you apart through nothing more than spite and a wish to show their control over Lucis. It can be nothing more than that. They gain nothing by forcing Lucis’ hand in such a way other than causing pain._

_He will not be truly happy with me. Yes, he may be my friend and we may deal well with each other, however that is scant comfort when one cannot be with the one they love._

_I love him, Ignis, but you love him in a way that I don’t. He is my friend and nothing more. Give him what I can’t, let him be happy with you by his side. Let us both be by his side, I as his Queen, you as his heart, if this marriage comes to pass._

_My intention as his Queen would be to be a helper, someone to guide, but not a wife in the true sense of the word. Perhaps, I would not even have been that had the situation been more normal. One cannot force intimacy where there is none of that sort._

_Plainly speaking, if I may, I wish to remain his friend, never his lover. I could never take him from you and despite what Iedolas Aldercapt and his Chancellor think to achieve with this, they cannot tear you apart either. I may have to behave as if I am pleased by this marriage in order to placate those that would force it upon us, however, please know that it causes me great discomfort. It should be you taking his hand, not me._

_I beg you, do not let guilt nor propriety guide you in this, they have no place and I do not wish for you to concern yourself with such things. Please excuse my temerity in speaking to you thus, Ignis, but I felt that I could not let things remain as they are. I feel I must reiterate, I do not love him the way you do. Let there be no jealousy between us, I feel none and would wish us to be friends as much as Noctis and I are._

_The future is uncertain, nothing is ever set in stone and one simple act can change so much. Noctis is worthy of your love as you are worthy of his. Please do not discard it due to the meddling of others. Let your heart guide you, I beg you._

_Lunafreya_

Ignis let the note paper fall from his hands, shock thrumming through him. He gathered the letter up again and scanned it over and over, her words burning into his brain. She had not been giving him permission, but then, from the tone of the letter, she felt there was no need, none to give. Ignis collapsed back in his chair, staring unseeing, at the pages in his hands.

“Am I meant to respond?” he asked, then glanced to see if Umbra would give him some sort of indication only to find the dog was gone. He scowled, “apparently not.”

He read the letter once more then let it drop from his hands.

Standing quickly, Ignis scooped up his keys and phone, heading to where he belonged.

Nyx Ulric was standing at attention at the end of the hallway to Noct’s quarters, slight quirk of his lips as he noted the hurried steps coming towards him. He waved him on, knowing look in his icy blue eyes.

Ignis raised his hand to knock, fingers trembling, then inhaled and rapped his knuckles on the door.

Noct opened the door, eyes widening when he saw it was Ignis.

He didn’t give him time to speak, pushing through the doorway, cupping Noct’s face in his and kissing him with every ounce of passion and love he felt. Noct sobbed against him, clutching at him desperately, Ignis letting his own tears fall, saliva and salt mingling as he continued to kiss the love of his life.

“I can’t, I _won’t_ lose you,” Ignis murmured against Noct’s mouth. 

They slid to the floor, both on their knees, holding each other, making promises, vows of their own that would negate any that Noct would have to make.

Three years was a drop in the ocean of the time they would have.

Ignis was never going to let anything come between them ever again.

Never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from this point on, the story will delve into everything after the Fall of Insomnia in little slices. Essentially, the main story is complete and what will follow are epilogues of sorts that will show how far Ignis has come.


	19. Epilogue part one: Subverting Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken me so long to update this, and it fought me the whole way. In the end I got stuck on the last scene and reworked one that I had in another fic in order to get this posted. I actually really liked that scene so it's not changed a great deal, but some of you may recognise it.  
> Epilogue Part Two, should not take anywhere near as long to post as most of that is written.

Ignis grimaced as he tried to adjust the costume to at least cover his exposed nipple. He was completely out of his comfort zone. Some of his stomach and back was exposed, and his calves. Sandals on his feet made looking down very odd, seeing his toes poking out of the footwear that went with the Assassin’s costume. All of them would blend in, but Ignis could not help but think he would still look odd.

Noct had been so excited when they drove through the tunnel near Lestallum and emerged to find the banners proclaiming the Assassin’s Festival that Ignis could hardly resist the idea that they stay for a while and explore. Enjoy the festivities. Take their minds off the state of things, the losses. 

He hadn’t expected to be presented with strips of cloth and leather straps, and told that what he was holding was a _costume_. Noct had vibrated with excitement, practically bouncing, spouting off information about the games that the festival was based on.

How could he say no to that?

How could he say no to Noct having a little joy in all the misery that had been piled on his head since the announcement of his betrothal to Lunafreya and the consequences of that? The fall of Insomnia. The death of his father. Running for his life. Feeling so hopeless. Feeling the weight of the world and all its people on his shoulders.

He absolutely could not say no, would not say no.

So, there he was, feeling so very exposed, but dealing with it, though hesitantly, just to see Noct smile.

Funambulism was not something Ignis had ever thought he might be interested in, yet as he stood in the square and looked up, he was rather entranced by the men and women attempting the feat high above the heads of the tremulous below. He could see that it required nerves of steel and an excellent sense of balance, as well as surety in where to place ones feet and the ability to refrain from looking down. Those that wore heavy boots did not fare so well as those who could grip with their feet. He glanced down at the thin sandals of his costume, letting the idea percolate in his mind, wriggling his toes.

After completing the treasure hunt so quickly and being the first to do so, the last stop on his quest had led him to a man that had roped him into being the one to give out extra clues to those who were stumped, but that did not mean he couldn’t take a little break. He hadn’t been approached for a while, possibly due to word getting out about the difficulty of the quest, not that he’d considered it remotely so. Glancing above again, Ignis called over to one of the organisers and asked if they could take his place for a while. The young woman grinned when she spotted where his gaze was trained, waving him off happily.

The view from the rooftop was rather excellent, affording him the sight of Gladio flirting down an alleyway. He rolled his eyes at the predictable behaviour and flitted his eyes over the crowd below. There were a few Niffs milling about, obvious in their uniforms, the magitec soldiers unnerving as ever, however they seemed to have not noticed the that crowd contained a fugitive king and his retinue so Ignis felt safe enough. Besides, they were blending in and what better way to do that than to partake of the festivities.

His breath did catch as he spotted a familiar shock of jet black hair near the top of the leap of faith, shoving his concern down as far as he could make it go, breathing deeply, knowing Noct could easily warp out of trouble though it would bring the wrong sort of attention if he did. Ignis simply had to trust that Noct could manage to slip away from their clutches should he be found.

He let out a little chuckle when he made out Prompto at the foot of the tower, hopping from foot to foot nervously, his face trained up to watch as Noct made his leap. The blonde had been almost as excited as Noct, the pair rushing off together with flushed faces. Ignis shook his head fondly, reminding himself to let Prompto know that he had overheard several people talking about a cute blonde with a camera. It would hopefully assist in buoying his self esteem a little.

Feeling better about himself had led to him wishing that Prompto could do the same, yet something held the little blonde back. He was so jittery around people he didn’t know well, which was most everyone. If that person were attractive, Prompto devolved into a stuttering mess. Ignis had learned the young man’s tells, the way he would fidget, shift from foot to foot, chatter incessantly, tug at his hair, fiddle with his camera or toy with the ever present band around his wrist.

The band was hiding something, Ignis had caught the barest glimpse of something that it was obscuring, but Prompto was very obviously unwilling for it to be seen or spoken about so Ignis let it lie.

Eventually that mystery would be solved.

For now, he had a little fun to have of his own.

He stepped up onto the ledge, surefooted as always, taking a deep breath. He felt centred, calm, and ready. He placed his left foot at a slight angle to the pipe, knowing it was better than placing it in line with it. This way he could curl his foot over the edge and grip. He slid it forward and then added his right foot. Arms raised, Ignis moved right in front of left, now suspended over the gap. He glanced down, something everyone was advised not to do, yet Ignis found it exhilarating. His lips curled into a smile, and then it got broader as he kept stepping forward, sliding each foot forward before the other slid close, then around the other to take the lead.

It was over far too soon, leaping agilely over the far ledge to land on the roof with a soft thud. He peered back over the ledge and waved to the crowd below with a snicker.

Noct found him some time later, Ignis safely back on terra firma, grin still in place. The look of awe and shock on Noct’s face when he told him what he’d done was priceless, something that actually made Ignis preen a little. When Noct grabbed his hand and dragged him off to their hotel room, all Ignis could do was laugh, head thrown back with glee.

This was the Noct he knew and loved.

For an afternoon, and well into the evening, Noct and Ignis forgot everything else, forgot the war, forgot running and hiding. Forgot everything but each other.

Ignis glanced about carefully as Ardyn paced back and forth like he was holding court. He twisted his head to grimace when he saw Ravus slumped against the stair to the Altar. His closed fist squeezed tighter feeling the Ring dig into his palm. He glanced back to Noct, prone and unmoving on the ground only a few paces from where he lay.

He studied Noct’s chest carefully as the Chancellor spouted utter nonsense, trying to ascertain if Noct was still breathing. Ardyn threatening to slice his throat had indicated that the Prince…no, the _King_ , was still breathing, but Ignis wanted nothing more than to make sure himself.

So he watched intently.

Ahh, there it was, the slight rise and fall of Noct’s chest. He was alive. Pale, obviously hurt, but alive.

_The future is uncertain, nothing is ever set in stone and one simple act can change so much._ Lunafreya’s words burned in his brain. Is this what she meant? Was this the simple act that could change things?

Ignis flicked his eyes one last time to Noct on the ground, the Ring heavy in his fist.

Then he accepted. Anything to give Noct more time. He steeled himself as Ardyn Izunia stalked closer. A tactician required information. A King relied on his Advisor to give him that information. There was obviously so much they weren’t privy to. This was his chance. He carefully slid the ring into his pocket, sending a silent apology to Noct for taking it. In the vision he’d seen, it had been adorning Noct’s finger, so maybe by taking it now…

The Chancellor leered at him, Ignis standing still, pleading with the Gods to keep Noct safe, then everything went black.

He woke, groggy and disoriented. Sitting up he found he had a companion and no sign of the Chancellor. Umbra whined and trotted off towards a walkway, Ignis stumbling to his feet, following cautiously. He looked left and right, scowling when he saw several icons, recognising them as Niff. They were on everything.

Ignis felt he could safely assume he was somewhere in Gralea perhaps. Definitely Niff territory. He approached a stack of boxes and scanned the labels, noting the ‘delivered’ stamp. The receiving address was Zegnautus Keep.

He immediately adopted a more tentative pose. Right in the heart of enemy territory. Yet, there appeared to be no-one about. Curious. And suspicious. Sliding his phone from his pocket, Ignis frowned at the black screen. No battery. How long had he been out? He had charged his phone the night before Lunafreya addressed the people, and had used his ear piece to communicate with Gladio and Prompto until it broke. Then the time he had spent traversing the rubble attempting to reach Lunafreya and Noct. Then the time it would take to get the Niff capital. And whatever time he had been unconscious.

Rubbing his chin, he felt a little stubble. Two days worth at least.

He was starving and thirsty.

That he could fix. As he pulled out a small ration pack and a bottle of water from the armiger, Ignis alighted on an idea. A pen and piece of paper were in his hand as he chewed. A note to the others left in the armiger might be found, they would know where he was.

The moment Ignis pulled something from the armiger, Noct would know he was alive. Assuming Noct was awake to feel that familiar tug. Ignis’ eyes closed briefly. Noct. What Pryna had shown him. His mind worked furiously as he chewed and swallowed automatically, slotting the new information into what he already knew. Noct was meant to die to fulfill the prophecy about the King of Light. And Regis had known. Lunafreya as the Oracle most likely had known also.

Blood Price.

They had led him to his fate without telling him what that would be and Ignis was suddenly angrier than he had ever been. He let that fury fill him, overtake him, let it guide him, righteous and reckless, yet still with one single focus.

Noct must live.

Ignis cared not what the prophecy said.

Yet again he found Ardyn, yet again he had to endure the man’s irritating waffling. This time he slid the ring on his finger.

Gods above, the pain, the _pain_. An agony like nothing he had ever felt before. Fire and lightning through his veins, boiling under the surface, then through his very skin. Voices clamoring in his head, all of them fighting for dominance causing an ache that couldn’t be compared to anything he’d felt before. He clutched at his head, skull throbbing, mouth open to scream in agony when he became aware of something else.

Noct. He could feel him. Alive, awake, desperately running, scared, Scared for Ignis. The other voices fell silent as Ignis sought Noct through the connection. He sensed them almost listening, white noise in the background of the bond he shared with Noct. Peripheral awareness of Gladio and Prompto.

Noct had explained the way he’d been able to feel anyone connected to his magic. With Gladio and Prompto it was a hazy awareness of where they were in relation to himself. With Ignis, he said it was…deeper, more physical, tangible almost. Like he could reach through the bond and touch.

Ignis understood what he’d been trying to say now.

The cacophony of voices resumed, all of them finally growing silent until one single voice boomed in his skull, demanding, arrogant, _regal_. Condescending.

Bloody hell. With all that the Gods were putting them through, putting _Noct_ through, he now had to endure a derisive former King. His vision swam and then before him, replacing the frozen image of Ardyn in fedora and layer upon layer of jackets and scarves, were thirteen kings and queens. One queen, at least, he amended. The Rogue Queen. He glanced about, taking them all in, keeping his spine straight, refusing to bow. These were party to the prophecy, party to letting Noct sacrifice himself.

They didn’t deserve his subservience.

“ _No, we don’t_ ,” a voice murmured softly. A voice he knew.

“Your Majesty,” Ignis responded immediately, by rote, years of respect ingrained. Noct’s father.

Regis held up his gauntlet clad hand, silencing the other kings with the gesture. _“You have already interfered with fate, Ignis, would you do what needs to be done to change it further? For Noctis?”_

What sort of question was that? “Of course I would,” Ignis spat, indignant that Regis would even need to ask. He sensed bristling from the other royals, Regis radiating amusement, perhaps.

_“There is a price, Ignis. The Ring always exacts a price.”_ Intense sadness. Regret, pain.

Ignis screamed as his mind was bombarded with images. Every single hand that had held the Ring of the Lucii flashing before his eyes so fast he could hardly make out the details. Until it rolled to the floor, stained in blood, Regis missing the finger he wore it on. The image slowed, Ravus stooping to retrieve it. Ignis watched in horror as Ravus’ arm was engulfed in flame. Then a Glaive turned to ash. Another Glaive, this one Ignis recognised as Nyx Ulric, laughing in derision at the Lucii, striking a bargain until dawn to raise the old wall. Burning to ash as the sun rose. “ _Rule well young King.”_

Ahh.

“ _You understand now, Ignis?”_

“Yes.”

Regis nodded, _“then understand this. Some things cannot be altered, but the one thing that you wish so desperately to change…might be subverted.”_ The other Lucii bristled again, and again were silenced by a curt gesture from Regis. _“He is my son!”_

“I can change his fate?” He held his ground, staring directly at Regis, “a life for a life?”

_“Yes, Ignis, your life for the possibility of his.”_

Inhaling deeply, Ignis gave his answer. Made his own Covenant with Gods and Kings. _I am so sorry, Noct. I hope one day you understand._ Brandishing his daggers, Ignis once more faced Ardyn and let his rage fuel him. In an attempt to change Noct’s fate.

Ardyn scowled at him, eyes zeroing in on the Ring, pure rage burning in his eyes as he lifted them to Ignis’ face. “How did you get your hands on that?” he sneered, interrogating Ignis, stalking forward with a false swagger that the Advisor saw through immediately.

“I refuse to let Noct sacrifice his life to save ours. I won’t let you take him away. Even if it costs my own life to save him…I will pay that price.”

“Take care not to hurt yourself,” Ardyn smirked at him as he advanced again.

Ignis felt surprisingly calm. Angry, angrier than he had ever been, but it was an ice cold rage. He’d made his decision, he’d give his life for this chance. Nothing mattered more than the possibility of Noct living. Daggers brandished, the hilts felt like they were melded to his palms, part of his body, and extension of his arms as he faced his foe.

Green eyes now burning magenta, Ignis tilted his head as he bored his gaze into Ardyn’s.

He could see fear in the Accursed’s eyes.

The fight is furious, each darting in and away with supernatural speed. Ardyn’s Armiger is red, malevolent. The Armiger that circles Ignis is a crystaline blue, a paler blue than Noct’s, but he felt it was an indication he had the Kings and Queens’ approval. And that fueled him.

The first time he brought Ardyn to his knees, Ignis grinned gleefully.

He could be beaten.

Ignis knew he was unlikely to kill the Man of No Consequence, but he could bring him to his knees. Lungs burning with more than exertion, he made one last push, Ardyn staggering back, purplish black miasma bleeding from his form.

Ignis’ skin was almost ashen, the traces of purple flame leaving silvery remains behind as it dissipated, his eyes burned and vision fading, his throat constricting, swollen. He can feel death chilling his bones and he falls, laying on his back in the rubble and dust. He coughs weakly, blood pounding in his ears, breath rasping and harder to pull air into his burning lungs with each gasp. He’s weakening, the spark that is Ignis fading with each passing second. It’s worth it, he thinks, it would always be worth it to see Noct safe. He’s weakened Ardyn, even if he couldn’t destroy him, the Accursed is weakened and knows that there is more than one man who can bring him to his knees.

Ignis knew he was alone, he could no longer pick up on Ardyn’s noises even if he could no longer see him.

Gone to lick his wounds.

“Ignis!”

Noct’s voice cuts through the silence.

“Noct?” Ignis asked, confused. “But how?” he rasped out, wheezing harder with each laboured breath. How can he be here, in Gralea, in Zegnautus Keep? Ignis’ heart squeezed in his chest, perhaps he won’t have to die without Noct beside him after all. That had been his one regret when he made his choice, that he’d die alone…without the man he loved. Without being able to say goodbye, to explain why he had done what he had.

Prompto answers, voice incredulous, “Ravus. He lent us a hand, if you can believe it.”

Ignis would smile if he were able. If nothing else comes from this, at least Noct will have a man similar to Ignis by his side. It soothes him, knowing that Ravus will be there when he won’t be. And now he can die with Noct near him, even if he can’t see the man he loves, he can hear him, feel him. It’s enough.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Gladio chokes out and Ignis can hear the pain in his voice.

Prompto sobs quietly, “how could we let this happen?”

He wants to comfort them, let them know they didn’t _let_ anything happen, he did this on his own. To save Noct. They don’t know what he does, they haven’t seen what he’s seen. The visions that Pryna gave him as she lay dying near her mistress at the Altar flash through his mind again and he hopes that his sacrifice will change the prophecy of Noct’s fate. Please, let him live, his mind circling around this one thought, chanting it in his head.

_Let him live_.

“How could _I_ let this happen? This is all my fault,” Noct said brokenly and Ignis wishes he had the strength to reach up and touch Noct’s cheek, stroke his face, let him know it’s alright, it will be alright.

“Noct,” he wheezes and coughs from the effort.

“If I’m some kind of saviour, then why can’t I save the ones I love?” Ignis’ heart contracts at the words, he tries to shake his head, but finds he simply can’t, not any more. “I’m sorry,” Noct murmured. “You guys have stayed with me this whole time…and all it’s done is caused you pain.” Ignis feels Noct’s cool fingers slip the ring from his hand, the relief from the burn of it almost makes him cry out, but his voice is gone now completely. He feels the power crackle around him and he knows that Noct has put the Ring of the Lucii on his own finger, he hears the little gasp and recognises that Noct is its true bearer.

It won’t do what it’s done to Ignis.

Noct lifts Ignis to lean against him, softly cradling his broken body gently to rest against his shoulder, “not anymore,” Noct asserts and Ignis hears the determination in his voice, regal and authoritative, “all that ends now. Please…lend me your strength! Help me protect my friends!” Noct shifts a little and Ignis feels lighter than air, the pain receding, his heart beating stronger, breath coming easier and he is able to crack his eyes open to see swirls of blue light around him, healing him.

Noct moves and Gladio takes his place behind Ignis, holding him upright, Prompto at his shoulder, both men quiet as they watch Noct summon the Engine Blade and warp to where the Crystal waits for it’s Chosen King. Ignis blinks slowly, clearing tears from his eyes and his vision clears, weakened, but he can _see_. He can see Noctis. He can see the crystal. He can see the room they are in. But it’s Noctis that he focused on, his gaze unerring in its ability to find him. Noctis turns back and their eyes meet across the void. Understanding in their gaze, Ignis nods his head once, as good a bow as he can make, and Noct returns it. There’s no need for words, they both know. Ignis knows that Noct can see what he has done and why, that the Kings and Queens will have told him the moment he put the Ring on his finger. That he has done it for love.

Noctis Lucis Caelum turns away and strides towards the Crystal and vanishes from sight without a backward glance, willingly going to his fate.

Ignis let the darkness claim him, knowing he has a new task to accomplish while his King and lover resides in the Crystal. He’ll have questions to answer and research to co-ordinate, but now he has hope.

He has a prophecy to subvert. 


End file.
